Issues letting others spend time with LO

mrsnorthernbell

I haven't seen this posted so I was hoping someone else was feeling the same and myself.  MIL is staying with us for the next 5 weeks.  Not by my choice, she lives out of state and wants to be here.  LO is only a week old and we are on a pretty good schedule already.  Sleeping, eating every 3 hours.  People have been over almost everyday and of course everyone wants to hold LO.  It makes me feel sad and emotional to have to pass her off to everyone.  

Has anyone else just felt like they want to lock themselves in there room and just be with LO?  I know that I am a bit more emotional but I am struggling having to share her with anyone else other than my DH.   How are you dealing with this?  Is there anything I can do to make it easier letting others spend time with her?  

amp2312

I was like that with my first when he was a newborn but now I fully appriciate people taking them. I'm a SAHM per DH's request so I enjoy time to myself. Even if it's just having both my hands available.

rimjob

i was this way with my lo,  I think mainly because she was transported 2 hours away right after my emer c-section so I didn't even get to hold her for the first 3 days of her life.  My mom and mil were great about it,  but all the others couldn't seem to get it.  I think it is hard in any case though, basically because we have had them to ourselves and dreamed about holding them for so long, why would we be comfortable sharing right away...

jess1984

I was a little like that for the first week with ds, but I'm finding that both my dh and I are way more clingy to this lo. I think mainly becuase we know this is our last one, and we realize how fast it goes.

But just like pp said it is nice for some "ME" time. You will need it and appreaciate it. I promise. But I can understand where you are coming from.

5 weeks with MIL, you are a saint, I am so happy they live close enough to visit without haveing to stay.

 

PGASTL

Yes, especially in the beginning I had a hard time with this and my MIL stayed with us for a week when LO was 3 weeks old.

Are you BFing? You could always head to another room to bf and stay there for a few hours and when you come out just say that LO wanted to cluster feed "must be a growth spurt!"

Other than that, try to accomplish other tasks while LO is being held rather than just sitting there, that might help. Work on birth announements, upload pictures to Facebook, start a Blurb book with your photos, etc.

allobosc

5 weeks?!  I couldn't do it.  I was like that with my first son and MIL and she only stayed 2 days.  It gets better, but it is tough.  I wouldn't be afraid to politely tell ppl to leave or not visit if I were you.  It can be too much.

emlovesrich

I'm a SAHM and DH works full time.  When he comes home, especially on the weekends, I want to spend time with him and LO.  Every evening and every weekend someone wants to come see the baby.  I feel bad for getting annoyed, but I do.  I automatically think geez these people were not that interested in coming over before all the time.  I know they love the baby but I would love for DH and LO to get to spend time together without visitors. 

It isn't as bad now that LO is 4 weeks old but in the beginning it was...and they would come unannounced or call as they are pulling in your driveway.  They wanted to hold LO even if she was asleep and hold her until she woke up, etc.  Now, she will not sleep ver well in her crib or bassinet.  She always wakes up 20-30 minutes after you lay her down.  If you hold her or lay her down right beside you, she will sleep for hours.

Linz-E

I definitely have issues "sharing" my daughter with other people, Im just trying to remind myself that they all love her, its not easy but I am getting better, even if its just letting them hold her while I do something around the house :x

momranda

My "mil" insists I bring Jude over almost every week, and then proceeds to invite half the soccer moms over to pass around my son. On top of that her house is filthy. I hate bringing him there, and last week put my foot down and told her to clean up and id bring him over. I just started the process of establishing legal custody and put in the papers that I want the visits with relatives to be scheduled through the courts and agreed upon by me cause I simply cannot handle sharing my son for an entire day of "pass the baby.,"

candr09

rma910:

Are you BFing? You could always head to another room to bf and stay there for a few hours and when you come out just say that LO wanted to cluster feed "must be a growth spurt!"

I do this ALL the time! BFing is really the best excuse to not have to share LO. Everyone knows that I refuse to BF DD anywhere but my home or my parents house (only because I still have "my room" there). I'm not comfortable doing it in public or anyone elses house. So that really helps with limiting any visiting time to only a few hours because we have to get home to feed the baby. If I ever *want* to be anywhere longer, I'll pack her a bottle.

It does get easier. And its important to remember that its a good thing to get LO used to being around other people (because there will come a day when you want to be able to leave her with someone for some alone time). But if you want to hold her, just say so. I have no problem telling someone to give me my kid back. I work full time so its not like I have endless hours to spend holding her and cuddling her and playing with her.

and 5 weeks with MIL.... bless your heart women, I sure as hell couldn't do it.

yourmom5309

allobosc:

5 weeks?!  I couldn't do it.  I was like that with my first son and MIL and she only stayed 2 days.  It gets better, but it is tough.  I wouldn't be afraid to politely tell ppl to leave or not visit if I were you.  It can be too much.

This.  My MIL stayed for 5 days and I went carzy.  I think five weeks is way too much.  Can you tell her no.

larrysdarling

Just say no. They're not breaking into your house, are they? They're obviously being invited by someone.

You need bonding time with your baby, bf'ing or not.  Slow the flow of visitors. We tookour time inviting people over and it worked out great.

annesauder87

My MIL lives a mile away and tries to come over all the time. I love her dearly, but it drives me crazy to have her hovering over my shoulder, especially when she says 'how's our baby' My daughter is not her baby! You should talk to your husband and tell him right from the get go that he has to be on your side. Explain to him that you love his family (if not he will feel attacked), but that you need alone time with your baby and him every day. Make sure you talk to him! If not you will just be moody and angry and he will wonder why....

I hope it goes well! My mom was with me for 2 weeks, but she is very hands off and gave me space. She helped me a lot by befriending my MIL and explaining to her that I am independant and need space. Set up little rules like no calling before 9am and after 9pm.

Remember it has an end! 5 weeks is a long time, but it will eventually end.

Good luck!!

hollerjeepgirl

I still have a hard time with this and my ds is 11 weeks old. His godmother/my best friend is watching him all day for us while I work and I'm having a tough time with it. She keeps saying things to me about stuff he's doing and telling me stuff like I don't know how to take care of him. It sucks but I'm just trying to ignore it. I had a really hard time when ds was in the nicu though, I wanted no one to touch him because he is mine. I felt like a momma bear.

I don't know how to make it any easier except realize that they're not wanting to spend time with your baby to hurt you in any way.