2 days old... MIL issues already. Vent (long sorry)

simo7079

So before this child was even born I knew I was going to have issues w/ my MIL.

 To start we told both our parents we weren't having ppl at the hospital until a few hours after she was delivered.  So MIL works right by the hospital and we called to tell our parents we were about to push so they would know and she asked if she could come.  I told my DH to tell her no b/c we had already discussed it w/ them and she said "You know this is my 1st grandchild..."  Like seriously!??!  She knew the plan idk why she thought I'd just up and change my mind the last second.  

 Next issue... My MILs house is a nasty NASTY house.  Idk if she owns a vacuum.  To start they smoke in the house and have 4 cats but they never defur things.  There is cat hair built up on everything, it's foul.  We have 4 cats but I clean like a mad woman.  Oh and not to mention they put raw ground beef on the counters for the cats, but they don't clean it up or sanitize after.  So I told DH the baby wasn't going there and he agreed.  But what does my MIL say today "on your way home from the hospital stop by the house."  I just ignored it idk a nice way to say "sorry your house isn't fit for adults let alone a new born."

And lastly... We asked everyone who came to visit to use hand sanitizer before holding the baby.  The nurses even told us to do that since it's cold and flu season.  So when my MIL came to the hospital today we asked her and what did she do... ROLL HER EYES AND IGNORE US!  This pissed DH off he went to have a cig and he hadn't had one since we got to the hospital on Tues at 5am.  It is OUR child, if I tell you to jump up and down and do the chicken dance before you hold her then that's what you do.  Ughhhhh I'll be fighting this fight for the next 18 years.  Kill me now.  

Vent over. 

LifesPeachy

Ugh that sucks.. but I gotta say your LO is too cute! Does she have red hair?

simo7079

LifesPeachy:

Ugh that sucks.. but I gotta say your LO is too cute! Does she have red hair?

Haha thank you and yes she most def does.  Just like her daddy! 

momranda

I feel like I wrote that! I know how you feel! Im not with Judes father, so I'd like to keep things fairly peaceful, but I had to put my foot down the other day when she called me to see if I could bring Jude over within an hour cause she had friends over that were dying to see him. I told her that I would come over if she was able to clean up the dog hair cause I dont want Jude covered in fur when we leave. She said I was being rude, so I didnt bring him over. 

Good thing is we make the rules cause they are our babies. I promise after a week of keeping it to yourself you will find yourself just vomiting out how you feel. and you will feel much better once its out!  

Oilers_Mama

I can identify with you because my MILs house is not very sanitary either and she smokes in the home as well. It sucks that she isnt listening but you're just going to have to repeat yourself until she decides to listen. Its taken my MIL 5 years and she's just starting to listen now.  GL to you

boneslvr

I hear you MIL can be a pain! When LO was four days old my MIL came by and LO was crying (DR told us to "bother" her once every two hours and that it was OK if she cried during that...but he wanted us to do this because she wasn't sleeping AT ALL at night but sleeping ALLLL day long) so LO was crying and on my lap and MIL comes in our living room, picks her up out of my hands without even asking and goes to LO "if you are crying i would feel better if I'm the one holding you" i was like EXCUSE ME!?!? I got up and walked out of the room and cried for like an hour!

pitterpatter129

That sucks.  My parents and in-laws both showed up before I was out of surgery (csection) and held the baby before I ever saw him!!!  I'm still mad.

On the plus side, your daughter is just about the cutest baby on the planet! I'd be in a hurry to hold her too!

geminibrooke

my MIL is an amazing person, but she is a hoarder (seriously it is TV show worthy), so we don't go over to her house and DH knows that the baby cannot go to her house. I think if we ever need her she would just stay up here with the baby. I do wonder what I will say if I ever have to vocalize to her that the baby cannot go into her house and why. I have a bigger problem with FIL because he was a deadbeat dad and now when he hangs out with the baby, he talks about how things are similar to DH. I know I shouldn't be annoyed and mean to him because he is trying to have a fresh start, but it really bothers me that he was such a crappy dad and acts like he was there and awesome. But it isn't my place to be rude about it, but I can't help it.

cynth1

I totally understand what you are saying.  I had many people trying to tell me what I should be doing with my daughter.  At first I just bit my tongue and tried to let it roll off my back but, eventually I just lost it and put my foot down and said this is my child and I will make all decisions when it comes to her.  I carried her for 9 months and what I say goes.  I felt so good after this and honestly I did not care whose feelings got hurt all that I care about is my daughter.  Let it out you will feel so much better.  Because like you said you cannot go the next 18 years like this. 

bethandjoe09

Maybe you could find/print out one of those hand-washing signs they have at hospitals and similar places, and put it in a strategic place.  That's something I'd definitely hold my ground on, especially if she works in a large office or interacts with a lot of people.  I'd be p!ssed about her refusing to wash her hands.

I'd just avoid going over to her house and bringing LO.  As long as there aren't any major family events planned there, you should be OK.  If she starts demanding to know why you haven't come over - tell her.  You say you're going to be dealing with this for the next 18 years, and you're right - so put your foot down now and make sure it stays down.  The sooner they get used to the idea that it's your family, your rules, the easier a time you'll have with it.

hollyberrie05

I so feel your pain. My dh and I took our ds to visit our families when he was two weeks (we live 10 hours away from our families). While at my in laws, my ds got rsv because my MIL babysits her other grandkids and one was sick and she let her around my ds against my wishes. I also got some nasty stomach bug and it was only after I contracted it that I found out they were all sick the previous week with it. I was so pissed that she would let us bring a newborn into that mess. Plus to top it all off, the second I walk in the door, she takes him and I'm only allowed to hold him to feed him - for the entire week we were there. My DH keeps telling me to keep my mouth shut, but I'm so pissed about the situation it's not even funny. We're in the process of moving and we'll be 2 hours away from my inlaws now. They're actually here to help us move and my MIL won't let me hold him because I recently had my gallbladder out so "I can't lift anything." The best part? She's acting like this is her house and completely ignoring me like my son is her kid. I absolutely cannot wait for them to gtfo!

bethandjoe09

hollyberrie05:

I so feel your pain. My dh and I took our ds to visit our families when he was two weeks (we live 10 hours away from our families). While at my in laws, my ds got rsv because my MIL babysits her other grandkids and one was sick and she let her around my ds against my wishes. I also got some nasty stomach bug and it was only after I contracted it that I found out they were all sick the previous week with it. I was so pissed that she would let us bring a newborn into that mess. Plus to top it all off, the second I walk in the door, she takes him and I'm only allowed to hold him to feed him - for the entire week we were there. My DH keeps telling me to keep my mouth shut, but I'm so pissed about the situation it's not even funny. We're in the process of moving and we'll be 2 hours away from my inlaws now. They're actually here to help us move and my MIL won't let me hold him because I recently had my gallbladder out so "I can't lift anything." The best part? She's acting like this is her house and completely ignoring me like my son is her kid. I absolutely cannot wait for them to gtfo!

Oooooh I would be angry.  I would take LO back and go hide in my room.  If DH didn't like it, he could keep HIS mouth shut.  Seriously.  If DH told me to keep my mouth shut and was dumb enough to mean it he would be in deep shiit.

candr09

MILs can be the worst sometimes. I totally feel you. Put your foot down and be firm about it. DD is BF and only gets bottles (of pumped milk) when I'm at work or absolutely unavailable for some reason. But everytime MIL is around her and she gets hungry MIL says "Can I make her a bottle and feed her?" Uhm, NO, she's a BF baby and I got the boobs, so hand her over. haha. It took about 3 times of me telling MIL that LO is NOT to get bottles unless its necessary (like me being at work) for her to finally stop begging to feed her.

Good luck. Put your foot down now so that you don't have to deal with it for the next 18 years. And btw, your daughter is adorable

LaVitaBella830

I'm going through very similar issues. It's rough, and I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut on things, and sometimes feel DH doesn't follow through on things or back me up when it comes to his mother. But if I feel that her house is not fit for a newborn, I don't take DD over there, and if she refuses to use hand sanitizer, she doesn't touch the baby. We even had the issue where we told her nobody was allowed in the room when we had the baby and she kept saying that she was going to stand outside the door the whole time - being completely serious and we told her that was not going to happen - that we would let her know when she could come to see the baby. I've learned we have to stick to what we say or else she's going to do whatever she wants