is it really bad to resent DH?

MissSunny42

I am sitting in the bathroom right now, with DS in the Moby, with the tub faucet running because the sound is the only thing that will calm him when he is going crazy. DH is snoring away in the bedroom and I am considering smothering him with a pillow. I am a SAHM and DH works as an engineer for construction company, I know he works so hard but he also sleeps soooooo much. He had monday off and I went to the mall with a friend and brought DS, when I got home DH was in the recliner, sound asleep, just the way I left him 5 hours earlier! He gets more sleep in a nap than I have had in 2 months!!!!! I am really trying to stop hating him because of this. It's not like I wanted him to come to the mall with us, and I didn;t want to leave DS home, I wanted to bring him, but I am still so mad that he spent the whole day sleeping. I literally can't get over it. Tonight when he got home from work and said he was tired, I said, BUT YOU SLEPT ALL DAY MONDAY!!!!!

this lack of sleep thing has turned me into a sleep envy lunatic. Anyone else resent DH??

TiffanyTheMom

I'm only 3 weeks into this journey and I feel you! I'm also a SAHM and DH is in the Navy. so he works uber-hard too, but when he's sitting there sawing logs and I'm up giving hte baby a bottle of EBM and then have to pump, and put to bed a sleepy fussy baby... then HE comes home from work and tells me how tired he is I just want to scream! For real, he once said he thinks I get more sleep than he does. I just stared at him and counted the hours of sleep I got the night prior, and he said he got the same amount of sleep. The thing was, that was a night he had duty and had a 4 hour watch and then had to get up for back ups! On a normal night he gets WAY more sleep.

I'm trying not to be envious.

ManduhhMommie

Exactly! My DH is in the Air Force and works hard everyday. He is also going to school. I am beginning to resent him because not only does he get to get out of the house and have some time to himself, but he is doing so much to better himself and his career and I can't even get a part time job because I have to watch the baby. Were far away from any family, so it is taking a toll on me.

Lisa&Mark

You are not crazy! Or if you are, I am right there with you! I work FT, just not back from maternity leave yet.DD is DH's responsibility in the middle of the night (on the off chance she gets up, hardly ever) and in the morning. He gets PISSED when he has to get up with her before his alarm goes off. I told him to suck it up since I loose 2 hrs of sleep a night due to nursing. Men are whiners sometimes

watermellens

I totally feel you...I love being able to take care of our son and stay home until September, but I definitely resent DH a lot of the times. He gets to sleep through the night, sleep as late as he wants, doesn't have his boobs leaking, pumping, etc. I feel like sometimes I even pick fights with him because I want him to do more (even though he already does a lot).

The first week home it was DH's holiday break from school and when we went to bed one night he was like "can we sleep in tomorrow?" - UMM I don't know DH why don't you talk to your newborn about...see if he'll let you sleep in mmmmk?

taggiecb

Yea, H normally works really long sucky hours, but he has been off work for the last 3 weeks, and still acts like he has been working.  For example, sleeping 9-10 hours a night, napping in the middle of the day, laying on the couch all day, and going out visitng in the evening.  These are things he would normally do on a weekend, and I don't care on the two days he's off, but for 3 straight weeks, I don't think so.  We're barely speaking right now because of it, because does he not only sleep for days at a time, he doesn't see the issue with me staying up until 11-12 pm to entertain him, even though he will go to bed and sleep until 8 or 9 the next morning while I get up 2 or 3 times in the night with a baby, AND get up with my 6 and 4 year old and get one ready for school 5 days a week.  Sorry, didn't mean to turn this about me.  You aren't alone.

TheDreamingTree

Its very normal to resent your DH. I went through this too when I was lacking sleep, it seriously turned me into a psycho. I was so tired one night, and I asked my DH to get up with the baby, and he (understandably) said he needed to be rested for work (he is a foreman in construction). I wanted to attack him! I sat in bed, feeding my baby, and looking over at my DH wishing the baby would cry so that it would interrupt his sleep! Sleep deprivation literally has made me crazy at times. My husband and I have had our first real fights because of how tired I have been. 

It does get better! Now baby is STTN, and I do not feel like killing my husband any more

IncogNeato

I hear ya. DH has a long commute so for safety reasons he gets a full night's sleep in the guest room during the week. This was a mutual decision but in the middle of the night I get SO JEALOUS that I want to put the baby on his chest, run away, and lock my door. Haven't done it yet, though!

Paul&Mel

The only advice I have is, if you need help, you have to ask for it. We have a baby that STTN most nights, but if I am having a rough time, and can't get him back down, I sometimes ask H to help me. Even if it means waking him up. Yes he works full time. I just started working part time again. Our baby will only be this little once. It is such a short period of time to be getting up in the middle of the night, in the big scheme of things. Wake him up! It's his baby too

I sometimes resent my H for getting to leave the house 5 days a week for work. I would probably hate him if I wasn't getting to sleep every night.

yourmom5309

I cannot lie, my husband is very helpful.  I would be very resentful if he wasn't.  Have you spoke ith DH about helping more? 

sarag0116

What's the point of resenting him?  Why do you want to bring negativity into your relationship?  This is the time when we need to strive to make our marriage as good as it can be b/c it is undergoing an enormous change.  Just communicate your expectations for your DH when he's off work and for days he does work.  Sitting around resenting him is not the answer.

bethandjoe09

My DH will take DS in the mornings on his days off so that I can sleep in (DS will usually be napping, but he grunts a lot in his sleep and continually wakes me up).  When I come out into the living room, invariably DH will be playing video games and DS will be out cold... but I will have slept soundly for an extra couple of hours.  It makes a huge difference.  Maybe you could talk to your DH about doing the same for you?

I know how you feel.  I literally have not slept for longer than 3.5 hours at a stretch in months, and that 3.5 hours doesn't happen as often as I'd like (though DS is getting better).

MissSunny42

sarag0116:

What's the point of resenting him?  Why do you want to bring negativity into your relationship?  This is the time when we need to strive to make our marriage as good as it can be b/c it is undergoing an enormous change.  Just communicate your expectations for your DH when he's off work and for days he does work.  Sitting around resenting him is not the answer.

there is no point to resenting him, if I could control it, I would.

themissizz

Yes, there are times that I definitely resent my husband. And yes, it's usually sleep-related.

He recently got promoted and has been working 60+ hour weeks. I work FT, take LO to daycare, pick him up from daycare, clean the house, make dinner, take care of LO 99% of the time.

It's hard. I know that he's doing what he needs to do for our family and to make our future and our son's future brighter, but I definitely understand how it's easy to resent someone when you feel like you're doing all the work.

spritz

MissSunny42:

sarag0116:

What's the point of resenting him?  Why do you want to bring negativity into your relationship?  This is the time when we need to strive to make our marriage as good as it can be b/c it is undergoing an enormous change.  Just communicate your expectations for your DH when he's off work and for days he does work.  Sitting around resenting him is not the answer.

there is no point to resenting him, if I could control it, I would.

This!  I don't resent him all the time, but I have been experiencing emotions I've never felt before (resentment and anger).  I would love to control it or not feel that way, but I can't stop how I'm feeling.  I realize later that these feelings are sometimes irrational, but that doesn't matter at the time I"m experiencing the feelings.  I can only do my best to deal with it.

Jennabug25

Feeling this way is totally understandable. I am only 2.5 weeks into this journey and after getting really sick from an infection my SO had no choice but to stay up and watch baby for a couple nights. So he got a dose of what my job is like. We decided regardless of work schedules and I am a SAHM we take turns every other night so we at least have on night of good sleep to look forward too. It's working really well for us.

4321piper

Sounds like you need a little break!  Do you have any family or friends who can come over and help out?  I have been taking advantage of ANYONE who is willing to stop over even for an hour so I can get a little peace and quiet to myself!

Mrslovebugs

I can understand. I felt like that a little bit from time to time when I was on maternity leave, and was basically the only one dealing with DD. I would do little things like make a lot of noise at night when I was up every 2-3 hours to feed her to wake him up too. 

We talked, and worked out a plan... he would take care of her for a few hours at night while I got a "head start" on sleep. I would go to sleep for a few hours and he would stay up with her until like 11pm or so. Then he would bring her in to me. It did wonders! I felt so much better with those few hours of extra sleep.

Now that I'm back at work we take turns at night. I really can't complain. DH is great! He gets up with her in the middle of the night, picks her up from the sitter and takes care of her while I'm still at work, etc. 

jaxxx15

Feel your pain.  I feel it is the only thing that has really started to come in the middle of our relationship.  I know part of it is my jealousy.  I can admit that.  I wish I could go to work at some moments just for adult sanity.  I am tired of having the "what do you want to do tonight?" in regards to waking with DS.  We try and keep it consistent and he does help, HOWEVER...he NEVER hears him when it is his turn which results in me trying OVER AND OVER to wake him and once he finally does, I am now awake and pissed off.  He keeps saying he is a heavy sleeper.  I don't care..YOU have a son too...do what is fair!  Haha..my vent too is now over:)