2 boys threatened my DS (really long)

meggiekins

My DS is 6yo and in 1st grade. We got a call from the school this afternoon that during morning latchkey, 2 boys threatened my son. Apparently the older child knocked over my son's Legos, and DS responded that it was mean and he didn't like it. The kid then decided to "start a war" on DS that culminated with the two boys saying they were going to go home, get nerf guns, put real bullets in them, and come back and kill my son. They also said they were going to get one of their dad's army guns and shoot me, my husband, and our DD as well. There was some foolishness about using a tank to destroy our house too.

He didn't tell anyone, but the art teacher overheard the younger boy, who is in DS's class, tell some of the other kids that they declared war on DS. The teacher reported it to the principal, who brought DS & the other boy in separately, and their stories matched up exactly. She said the boy admitted threatening DS after the older kid did it first & told him too, and that he knew it was wrong. The older child only attends latchkey at DS's school, and then is bussed to another school in the district. His principle was notified as well. He is in either 3rd, 4th, or 5th grade.

I feel like the school handled it pretty well I guess. They obviously wouldn't share the exact punishment the kids got, but they said it was treated as an act of intimidation and that the discipline carried out followed the district handbook exactly, which is a 10 day out of school suspension. I'm not sure what the latchkey program is going to do, as it's run by the YMCA instead of the district. I have a call in to their program director, and am hoping he calls me back tomorrow. I'm hoping they dismiss the older child from latchkey.

DS has had problems with the older kid in the past, and we worked on ways to avoid him and things DS could say when the kid bothered him. I thought they'd been doing better, but now this. It just sucks to feel like your kid isn't safe at school. DS was really freaked out, and doesn't understand that most of what they said couldn't happen & couldn't hurt him. He said he doesn't think we can protect him because the boy knows where we live (he does, small town) and is going to hurt us too. It just breaks my heart.

We made it clear to DS that what happened is not his fault (after verifying with the school that he didn't participate in the threats or antagonize them in any way), and how important it is that he tell a grown up if anyone makes him feel scared or says they'll hurt him. DS is really a great little kid, he's really sensitive and just wants everyone to like him.  Why does childhood have to be so cruel?

ETA: I really had no questions or anything, I just needed to vent to some other moms. Thanks for listening.

blueshirt2003

Ugh, these school years are really hard! My son is a 1st grader and he's come home with stories (nothing as serious as what happened to your kiddo today) and it's really sad. Bullying starts so early. I think you are doing well by letting him know what he can do when in those situations and that y'all are protecting him, etc. I think it's great that a teacher was observant and hear the discussion happen. 

I hope your little boy feels better in a few days. 

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ccm1203

DS has had to deal with bullying but not to that extent.  My thoughts are with you and your family.  It sounds like the school handled it well.

shouldbworkin

Oh man, that is so sad!  I'm glad the school jumped right in and took care of things.  That is awesome!  Does your district have any programs where the older kids come into the younger kids classes to help out?  At our school, the 4th graders are bus buddies and the 5th graders are safeties.  Also, kids in older grades will come into the classes from time to time to help the teachers with things for the younger kids.  I think it is a great way to help the older kids learn to take care of the younger ones vs. push them around.  Unfortunately, it only takes one kids to give a bad impression.  Hopefully you can help your DS understand that this is just one or two kids that made a really bad decision and not all older kids are mean like that.  =(

ValAndRyan

To hear bullying stories, just breaks my heart. I am so sorry your going through this (or anyone). As a parent, you sometimes feel so helpless even though you just want to smack the other kid! I'm glad the school is stepping up.

Surfinbride

That is more than bullying. I threat to kill someone should be taken seriously. I would be worried that the kid said he was going to use his dad's gun. I would contact the police.

 

jsugrin

I think that both you and the school handled it really well.  What a bunch of assholes those other kids are, wow simply wow.  Since your son is young enough to have some trouble separating out the threats from reality and it's effecting his sweet little self so much I would do two things if he were my child (and I know he's not so of course it may not work for your family)

1. I would do a follow up with the Principal and let her know how your son is processing the entire incident.  She should do some follow up with him long term to make sure he feels safe at school and if he has an established relationship with her he's more likely to speak up if bullied again.

 2. I'd find a really good child therapist.  I know it may seem extreme but kids at this age are in such an odd space, hovering between reality and fantasy, becoming more independent yet sill very much attached to the parents.  Having a completely independent person to talk with might help him to really open up.