Tantrums?

huber22

DS has started throwing tantrums. I don't know how what to do-- he's just learning how to deal with his emotions, but when he's on the floor screaming and kicking his feet, I'm at a loss.

RachPip

I'm in the exact same situation as of this week, and cannot wait to see what others have for advice... If nothing else, at least I know I'm not the only one who thrown off by it.

urbanmomma

Mine is 28 months and sometimes I still do not know what to do. Each situation is different. In a situation like you described, just sit near them, stay calm as you can, and let them go. You can not reason with them, and sitting near them reassures them that you are there for them. When mine does this, then calms down a bit I ask her if she wants a hug. She comes running to my arms and cuddles. I think it freaks them out a bit too because they don't know what to do with these emotions. 

 If it is a situation where they are frustrated I tell them what they are probably thinking i.e."You are frustrated because you can't open the bottle/ are hungry/ they toy isn't working." They can't vocalize how they are feeling and sometimes it helps to verbalize what they are trying to express.

 Hope this helps! It is really frightening when they first happen! These things have worked for me, but it doesn't always work;) The most important thing to do is stay calm.

Jelliebean1982

Here's an article from CNN about why they throw temper tantrums.  Luckily tantrums usually don't last long, especially at your LO's age.

https://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/02/21/toddlers.temper.tantrums.parenting/index.html

Ilumine

I really believe that you treat each tantrum differently, depending on the CAUSE of the tantrum and the extent of it.

Ex, if he/she is frustrated because he cant physically accomplish something or say something, then you sit by and offer calm support.

But if the tantrum is all about not getting something he/she wants, then you either ignore it (after giving one short easy to understand comment about not giving into the tantrum and being there for him when he is done)

or if you are out somewhere, where the tantrum is disruptive, you calmly pick up the child and walk out to the car, put him in the car seat and go home...but do not talk to, wheedle, yell or otherwise engage him - EXCEPT to say that tantrums in public are unacceptable and now we are going home.

And finally, if there is a physical component - such as hitting you or throwing toys...you time out the action (ie the hitting), but not the tantrum. 

The fact is, tantrums are used to manipulate or punish.  Not in a vindictive sense...since kids cannot reason like that, but in a reactive sense.  They dont KNOW any other way to get what they want (ie they cannot reason with us) so they continue to demand until they loose control...or if they are not getting their way and are upset, they want you to feel the same emotions, so they scream, yell and throw things.

Because you cannot reason with them, you need to make the actions puposeless.  If you dont give into the tantrum, then they learn that it is not something that will manipulate you into giving them what they want.  And if you show no emotion (to include trying to reason it out with them), then they learn that its not a way to show pain/frustration either.

Lotte134

I think PPs offered some great suggestions, but they seem to be better suited to older babies and toddlers.  At your LO's age I believe redirection or substitution is much more effective.  When DS was under a year if he was crying because he couldn't have something to play with (say my cell phone or the scissors) I would put it out of sight and substitute something equally as fun but not harmful (maybe the whisk or salad spinner).  If he kept crawling over to where the tv cord was I would put the cord out of reach and if that wasn't possible we'd play in another room until he forgot about it. 

It was also soon after that time that I started trying to verbalize his feelings when he was having a tantrum.  So, for example, if he was standing at the door throwing a fit because he wanted to play outside I might say, "Will is sad because he can't go outside right now.  Will really wants to play outside right now."  It's amazing how his little ears would perk up  and it's not like it got him to stop but there was definitely a pause as he took in what I was saying.