This transition SUCKS

LCB34

So, we are transitioning with the nanny this week and Kate is having major separation anxiety.  And, I realize it is all my fault for not leaving her until she was 6 months old.

I am trying to give the nanny her space because Kate needs to know that someone other than momma and daddy is perfectly fine.  But she is being a major pill. 

I am miserable sitting in the office while they are in the living room playing.  Kate will scream, stop for a second when she sees a new toy, play for a minute, realize I am done, and freak the f out.  Rinse and repeat.

Our nanny is amazing and she is doing everything perfectly - I just wish Kate would cooperate a bit more.

I have a hair appointment and am leaving the house in about 45 minutes.  I know I will be a huge mess wondering how she is doing.

It will get better right?  Because right now I am feeling selfish for wanting to be mentally engaged in the office 20 hours a week. 

I have a feeling I may be quitting much sooner than I ever thought...

 

hippotree

It will get much better, but it will take some time.  Can you try to leave the house even more during the transition?

mrsf123

I know it sucks.  I hate leaving LO for the one day a week that I work.  DD doesn't have separation anxiety, but she's younger than Kate.  I'd say this:  It is NOT selfish of you to want to go to the office 20 hours per week.  It's important for Kate to be able to hang out with other people.  Ultimately, this is a good thing for her, even though it's difficult for both of you!  Hang in there!

MommaEm

It will get easier. I did not leave DS until he was 18 months and it was hard, but soon enough he learned that other people were there to take care of him.

I'm sorry it sucks right now!!

LILBIT1221

It WILL get better for both of you. It may take a little longer but it will be ok. And I think once you get back into the swing of things you will be happy to get a little of YOU back.  ((hugs))

esthergreenwood14

It will get better.  I had a HORRIBLE time when I went back to work.  I started off 2 days from home and my mom or FIL would come stay with DD.  I would sit in my office and literally twitch trying not to go running out.  She was too little for speration anxiety, but she hated the bottle and would cry and cry every time they tried to feed her.  It was so awful and I was sick thinking about how I was going to have actually leave the house and not be there for her.  It only took her a few times to get adjusted and things are so much better now.  Be strong Momma.  I'm sure you picked a wonderful nanny and once Kate gets to know her, they will be just fine.  GL and enjoy your hair appointment.  You deserve a little "me time".

 

sillypit

hippotree:

It will get much better, but it will take some time.  Can you try to leave the house even more during the transition?

This.  Kate may adjust faster if you're out of the house completely.

hermione76

C is only 3 months but he has been doing great going to daycare. I was a total mess the entire day he was there. He on the other hand was a little fussy at first, but was fine after a while. I know it is getting easier for me every time we take him. I know his teachers are taking amazing care of him all day. 

Good luck and I know it's really hard at first and you feel terrible, but it will get better everyday. 

Murdock12

I'm sure it will get easier and frankly it's probably better do get it over with now than in another few months.  I agree though, I'd try to be out of the house.  You know the nanny is taking good care of her so hearing that is really just torturing you. 

jessie395

I know it's hard but it will definitely get better. It will take her some time to get adjusted. Hopefully when you come  back from your appointment she will be a happy girl

LCB34

sillypit:

hippotree:

It will get much better, but it will take some time.  Can you try to leave the house even more during the transition?

This.  Kate may adjust faster if you're out of the house completely.

I will be gone most of the day tomorrow and Friday.  But, I wanted to be here for 2 days (for most of the day) as Danielle gets acclimated to everything.

 

 

topbirdsix

I agree with other posters who say that it will be better for all if you're out of the house completely - even if it is just for an hour or so...

Also, it might not work given Kate's age, but what if your nanny tried wearing something of yours (sweater/sweatshirt), so she smelled like you?

 

ETA: and you're not a bad mom or person for wanting to work a few hours a week. Everyone will be better for it -- eventually.

drewiekc

I think you'll be surprised how fast Kate adjusts!  It's new for her, it will just take her a little time to figure out that all is OK.  I bet once you're back to work, she will be just fine.

Jen3016

My LO is younger than yours, so isn't quite to the separation anxiety stage yet, but I will tell you what helped me transition back to work.  My niece is our nanny, and I had her bring LO to my office for about a week, and I was so distracted and LO was not happy, and nanny was bored out of her mind.  My husband and I made the decision that nanny and LO stayed at home and I went to the office.  It was really tough at first, but I found that being physically separated from LO made it easier for me to concentrate at work and allowed nanny to her job without feeling like I was hovering. 

Is there a way that you can leave the house to work at any point during the day?  LO might have the feeling that you are still in the house, and not quite focus on the nanny and her attempts at soothing LO.  I sympathize with you, and know it is tough, but I am sure that it will get better with each day!  I definitely don't think you are selfish for wanting that 20 hours a week to work.  Good luck to you!!  And definitely try and relax at your hair appt!

renc9828

You can do it! And I am sure it will get better. Like some of the PPs said, it is better to do it now instead of waiting until even later, which may make it even harder. So instead of focusing on any issues during the next couple of days, focus on yourself because you deserve! Plus Kate is in great hands!

dtensen

Sorry to hear about this.  You wrote me back about using care.com last week and this is also one of my fears.  We're trying to get a nanny asap partially due to wanting to acclimate Brooke to her, as she's already showing separation / stranger anxiety.  It will get easier.

Go to your hair appointment and try to relax!  You'll feel better afterwards.  The first time I left the baby was to get my hair done and was so glad I did! 

spunkyprincessmande

I know this is going against what most people are saying, but did you try spending time with her and the nanny?  I was a nanny for several years and I usually spent the first 2-3 days with the kids and mom.  We would all play together or do their normal routine.  The first day I was more of an observer but played.  The second day I played a lot, but mom was still the primary person.  The third day I took more responsibility, but mom was there with us quite a bit still.  Then, the mom would leave for increasing amounts of time.  This allowed the kids to get used to me and know that I was safe because I was "mommy approved."  I never had a problem with the kids transitioning and I think it's because they knew who I was before I was left alone with them.  Just a thought.

jim7496

You are not selfish for wanting some "you" time or mental engagement other than Kate.  Things will get better.  You have a wonderful nanny you trust and Kate will be better for it.  I agree with a PP about maybe having your nanny wear a shirt of yours??  It's worth a shot.  It is never easy to hear your LO cry.

LCB34

spunkyprincessmande:

I know this is going against what most people are saying, but did you try spending time with her and the nanny?  I was a nanny for several years and I usually spent the first 2-3 days with the kids and mom.  We would all play together or do their normal routine.  The first day I was more of an observer but played.  The second day I played a lot, but mom was still the primary person.  The third day I took more responsibility, but mom was there with us quite a bit still.  Then, the mom would leave for increasing amounts of time.  This allowed the kids to get used to me and know that I was safe because I was "mommy approved."  I never had a problem with the kids transitioning and I think it's because they knew who I was before I was left alone with them.  Just a thought.

We tried this yesterday but all Kate would do was cling on to be and hide her face while screaming.  It was very, very unproductive.

It is classic separation anxiety as she completely stops crying the second she sees me (today ? yesterday she cried when I was holding her too) and then starts back up whenever I leave the room again.  I think having me there is just going to be harder for her.

 

SDarling324

That sounds so tough, sorry you are going through this.  I am sure you have heard this a thousand times before, but maybe try going out for quick errands throughout the day so you are not leaving for long periods at first.. sounds like you are doing that a little now.  Keep your chin up, it will get better, its always hard at first.

nadinethequeen01

It will get better. When I started work last week, J did the same thing with her dad. It took four days for her to finally stop screaming the entire time. Each day got better and better up until then though.

Maybe you can play with her while the baby sitter is there so she feels a little bit better and doesn't think it's some total stranger. Hope it gets better!

SammyJJo

Let me know what works.  I'm planning on going back to work when DS turns 1 year and I'm consumed by the thought of a 1 year old being away from mommy for the first time even though it's 8 months away - 8 short, short months.

KLMFBP3

I know this may sound silly...and maybe more appropriate for when she's older, but when I go to work, my DH shows the kids a video of me.  We have quite a few different ones on the phone. (And we also recorded a few for the big t.v., but he says they like the phone ones more)  Some that say, I love you, I miss you, good night, tell me a story, be good, eat dinner, etc etc etc.  Some are a minute, some are only 15 seconds.  They really enjoy watching them too.  I know Kate is only 6 months, but maybe watching a little video of you talking to her in your momma voices will help ease the transition.  When I call from work at night before bed and DH puts the phone next to my DD's ear and I talk to her and say good night, he says she lights up.  She too will sit and watch the shorter versions of the videos, but really doesn't show to much interest yet DH says.  It does get easier though.  My kids are very attached to me.  And it's always, always, hard at first. But, it does get better.  Good luck to you!