Counselor has me freaked out...

PoundCake

I went for my appointment yesterday.  He said that it's going to be hard for me to prove drug abuse on my H when it comes to visitation because he has no arrests.  Around here you basically don't get arrested unless its a big drug bust or you blatently are pulled over and they are found in the front seat in plain view.

He had an accident under the influence 5 years ago but they didn't arrest him and brought him home and then they only charged him with reckless driving.

I don't want him around my kids.  Now I'm scared and I don't know what to do.  Any ideas?

katieisawesome

Do you have character witnesses who would be willing to testify or submit affidavits supporting what you are saying?

I know here in MA you can request that a guardian ad litem be appointed to your case to investigate things like this as well - sometimes the state will pay, sometimes you have to pay, but this might help.  A GAL can talk to people who know you and him and interview you and your kids if they are old enough.

Good luck. 

 

(ETA:  A guardian ad litem is an attorney appointed by the court to serve as an unbiased advocate for your children - he/she interviews you, him, the kids if they are old enough, and people who spend time with you, him, and the kids.  You can use this to your advantage and have people who know you and your family well interviewed who know about his drug use.  The GAL will then compile all of the information into a report and submit a recommendation to the court - this is not binding but it is strongly considered.) 

PoundCake

The attorney already filed. He didn't say anything about that. My kids are 4 and 1. I have his texts which are anger filled and one states that he is going to get sober.  He's bipolar and not on meds.  They can get them from his doc if need be.

I have the rehab attempt paperwork from last year where he was there for a week and kicked out. 

But the lawyer said nothing else about what I needed.  I have a calendar of the days he made plans with the kids and never showed.  He saw them 4 times since October and never calls.

The lawyer said I can have him drug tested for 200 bucks which I will do but I'm living hand to mouth.

It's so crazy.  I hate this.

achase123

I would keep your fingers crossed that he gets arrested.  XH hadn't gotten arrested when I filed for him to only have supervised visitation but he had done drugs, and I had taken pictures of them. Do you have anything like this?  I also had pictures of doors that he had punched holes in, which displayed signs of anger/violence. 

Document everything and I also echo the part about the character witnesses.

katieisawesome

If you have texts from him clearly stating that he plans to get sober - you need to document that.  Copy down the text, the time it was sent, and from what number - take a picture of it on your phone.

Do not take any advice from HIS attorney - a lot of people fall into this trap.  You cannot trust a single word you hear from his lawyer - his lawyer's job is to advocate for him and only him.  Don't tell his lawyer anything you aren't required to, and don't act on anything his lawyer tells you.

I know it's hard when you don't have the financial resources - but think long term here.  Go to legal aid, and find a lawyer who will help you and let you be on a payment plan or something.  There are good lawyers out there who will work with you even if money is an issue.

 (Disclosure:  I am a paralegal, not a lawyer.  I am only offering advice based on my experience working in a law firm and going through my own divorce and custody battle.) 

peeps61308

PoundCake:

The attorney already filed. He didn't say anything about that. My kids are 4 and 1. I have his texts which are anger filled and one states that he is going to get sober.  He's bipolar and not on meds.  They can get them from his doc if need be.

I have the rehab attempt paperwork from last year where he was there for a week and kicked out. 

But the lawyer said nothing else about what I needed.  I have a calendar of the days he made plans with the kids and never showed.  He saw them 4 times since October and never calls.

The lawyer said I can have him drug tested for 200 bucks which I will do but I'm living hand to mouth.

It's so crazy.  I hate this.

I have a friend who had this in his divorce paperwork. He had to take the drug tests, if he passed she paid for the test, if he failed then he would have to pay for it. Maybe you could do something like this in your paperwork.

Other than that, document EVERYTHING (seems like you are doing a pretty good job of that already). Try not to let the counselor freak you out too much. he is a counselor, NOT a divorce attorney.

peeps61308

PoundCake:

The attorney already filed. He didn't say anything about that. My kids are 4 and 1. I have his texts which are anger filled and one states that he is going to get sober.  He's bipolar and not on meds.  They can get them from his doc if need be.

I have the rehab attempt paperwork from last year where he was there for a week and kicked out. 

But the lawyer said nothing else about what I needed.  I have a calendar of the days he made plans with the kids and never showed.  He saw them 4 times since October and never calls.

The lawyer said I can have him drug tested for 200 bucks which I will do but I'm living hand to mouth.

It's so crazy.  I hate this.

I have a friend who had this in his divorce paperwork. He had to take the drug tests, if he passed she paid for the test, if he failed then he would have to pay for it. Maybe you could do something like this in your paperwork.

Other than that, document EVERYTHING (seems like you are doing a pretty good job of that already). Try not to let the counselor freak you out too much. he is a counselor, NOT a divorce attorney.