Questions for moms of 2+

WinesNotWhines

What is the age gap between your kids, and what do you think are the pros/cons of the age gap? We're not thinking about kid #2 yet, but for some reason this was on my mind yesterday.

SoonToBeMrsDTS

My first two are 21 months apart. It was really hard when DS was a baby because DD was pretty much still a baby herself. She was walking but so little that I couldn't take my eyes off her for a second. 2 in diapers was somewhat expensive but not terrible. I felt like all I did was change poop all day. Now that they are 2.5 and 4 it is great. They are the best playmates and are into the same things. I think it's going to be a shock to my system to have a baby again because I feel like my life has gotten so much easier now that they are older. Baby #3 isn't here yet but we decided to do a 3 year age gap so that DS would be more independent and in preschool a few mornings a week. 

L'Etincelle

My boys are 10 days shy of exactly 2 years apart. I cannot imagine any less of an age difference. My toddler was just at the cusp of being independent enough to play himself, follow simple directions, start watching some TV, etc. which made it possible to nurse an infant while watching him. Any younger, and it would have been really, really tough.

NowDNAtoo

Like pp mine are 21 months apart.  It was difficult at first because DS still wanted my undivided attention.  There are still moments like that, but it isn't as bad as the very beginning.  DS also wasn't as verbal yet at the beginning when DD was born so that was tough too because he would get frustrated not being able to communicate.  The 2 in diapers didn't bother me so much, although I'm ready for DS to start potty training now and be done with diapers.  I guess that means some hard core work for me.  I'm glad we didn't wait too long though because I think if I had gotten to the point where DS was totally independent it would have been a much harder transition back to the newborn baby stage.

tracy042206

Mine are 20.5 months apart.  For us it was very difficult when Molly was born because like pp said, the oldest was still really a baby herself and needed constant supervision.  I also did not have the easiest newborns, they both had reflux, were crappy nappers, wanted to be held all the time and didn't STTN until 5-6mo while I went back to work at 3 mo.  I kept Maggie in daycare while I was home with Molly which helped alot since weekends when DH was not home were rough with 2 and trying to get Molly down for a nap while entertaining Maggie was difficult - there was a lot of TV and snacks/coloring in the highchair. 

Another down side that I see now with my niece who is 4 and her new brother are that my neice can be entertained by 'helping' with the baby to get a diaper, wipes, carry a bottle etc, whereas Maggie was more of a problem than a help - she never acted out towards the baby (in fact she rarely acknowledged the baby) but her meltdowns and fits really increased and we had to institute calm down timeouts so that she wasn't throwing herself at me and possibly hurting herself and me/baby.  Once we did the TO's though her behavior really improved, as opposed to just trying to give her more attention which just increased the tantrums.

Molly was a bit of a surprise baby (we always wanted 2 but not so close since Maggie was a tough infant), but now I am so glad we are out of the baby stages.  The pros were not having to really store any of our baby stuff because before we knew it we had it all back out again and now I can pass it along/get rid of it.  Soon car trips won't be such a hassle with bringing along so much baby stuff and trying to keep a baby entertained.  Family vacations will be easier sooner and their interests and levels will be more closely matched for family vacations, toys that we have out etc.  They are already starting to play together and Molly leanrs so much from Maggie about how to do things like playing with certain toys and how to behave in the bathtub.  Overall you are just out of baby things sooner like diapers, bottles, baby food, cribs, babyproofing things etc. 

kafunder

1 minute apart.   Although I love my LOs to pieces, I don't recommend it if you want to maintain your sanity. The lack of sleep is a killer.

(Sorry for the snark...having one of those weeks when we're just trying to survive )

Sofka

mine are just about 20mo apart; it's hard but getting easier. I knew if I waited til DD was more of a child and less of a baby I would never do it again. I don't like the baby stage and I just wanted to get it over with. I always wanted twins - do it once and get it over with and never have to do it again! It's hard but it's hard all at once.

I really feel as I haven't had a good night's sleep in 3 yrs b/c I got pg as soon as DD started STTN and I did not STTN once the whole 2nd pregnancy. I think it'd have been so hard for me to do it again if I was getting great sleep each night. The sleep deprivation at this point is very very tough but once DS starts STTN, I won't have to go thru that again.

The hard thing is that they have to be watched every.single.second - DD can be kissing DS one second and biting the next; patting "nice" one second and hitting the next; one time I was right there and she kicked him in the face! I saw it coming but wasn't fast enough to stop it! She is a very difficult terrible-2s toddler, we use all the discipline techniques we can but she is strong-willed (Dr's words).

But soon he'll be old enough to hit back I think as they get older, I'll be glad for the age difference, as pp said - they'll be into the same things/interests but being different genders, hopefully not too competitive. When we go on vacations, I won't have to worry about one being too small/short for a ride or an attraction. They'll be able to play together and keep e.o. entertained.

We are done with 2.

kafunder

Sofka:

like the baby stage and I just wanted to get it over with. I always wanted twins - do it once and get it over with and never have to do it again! It's hard but it's hard all at once.

HaHa! Perfect example of the grass is always greener.

Artslvr

The girls are 24 months apart and DD #2 and DS are 21 months apart.

Two in diapers is not big deal, I'm not sure why people told me it would be SO horrible.  I've got two in diapers for the second time now - and I'm not sure what the fuss is about.  Then again, now that I'm back to work, I'm not at home with two in diapers all day long - I'll let the SAHM's speak to how it is with two in diapers when you're home with them!

Ditto what pp's said about having to watch the kids at ALL times when they're young and their ages are close.  DD #1 has caused injury to DD #2 twice recently - one resulted in a trip to the pedi, the other to the ER because we thought DD #2's nose was broken.  And it's not like DD #1 was beating up on DD #2 - this is just them playing around and having fun together. And of course we have to constantly watch both girls around DS, as they love him a little too much and try to do things like hug him too hard or "brush his hair" by hitting him on the head with a hard plastic brush.

Honestly, we're exhausted.  But we're already seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  The girls really do play well together, now that DD #2 is more verbal (and has her own opinon)  I think their close ages will be great soon, when I can stop worrying about bodily injury.  I can already see the girls bonding in a way they never have before since DD #2 is getting a little older (she's 2 today).  They're already thick as thieves, and I kind of love that. 

Artslvr

Sofka:

 They'll be able to play together and keep e.o. entertained.

This is SO key.  This is what I mean by the light at the end of the tunnel.  My girls are juuust almost to the point where we can leave them playing together without having to constantly watch them - and if they're entertaining each other, we can focus on the baby.  I remember very clearly growing up my mom telling me and my two brothers "go downstairs and play" and we would... and she could get things done - phone calls, pay bills, cook dinner... because we had each other.  We fought, of course, as well, but we played together fairly well too.

special382

My first 2 are about 3 months shy of 3 years apart and my 2nd and 3rd are 23 months apart.

The 3 year age difference was much easier!  The only problem with that from my perspective, is that if you want more than 2, the bigger the age difference the further apart the 1st and last kid will be.  We want 1 more and if we were to wait until Rhys is almost 3, Kenzie would be almost 8 before the baby would be born.  If we have a girl, that is a really big age difference for them.

 As for the diaper thing, disposables are expensive!  I couldn't imagine having 2 kids in disposables at the same time!  We were lucky in that Kenzie was potty trained before Ian was born and Ian was potty trained a couple months after Rhys was born (we cloth diaper, but I bought sposies for Rhys while Ian was still in diapers and I couldn't get over the sticker shock). 

Gigs2000

Ours are 19 months apart.  Like PP's, the two in diapers doesn't bother me, but the constant eagle eyes because you never know when DS is going to go from gentle to rough gets a little weary.

I figure I'm just getting the baby stage over at the same time...I never knew the relative "ease" of having a more independent toddler to help out or play by himself when DD came along. 

 

AgrippaRidesAgain

Ours are almost exactly 2.5 years apart. I found the first three months to be really difficult, but things are fantastic right now. I think 2.5-3 has been the hardest age after colicky newborn for DS. I don't know if it is the age or the sibling thatmade this place meltdown central for a while. Maybe both. DS is still really hard to deal with, but DD is easier and he likes to play with her now.

Like Sofka, I know if we had waited longer we never would've done it. We like kids, not babies. I think doing it earlier would have its own set of challenges as well. DS understands a lot more now than he did at two. He was extremely verbal at two, so I wouldn't consider him a baby any more, but it would have been more difficult to reason with him.

As far as diapers go, DS is going to be wearing them forever at this point, so it isn't a big deal. DD is in cloth, so the cost is about the same as it was.

Sofka

I wanted to add another thing. When DS was born, DH had to completely take over DD's care, b/c DS (just like DD) was (and is) a very high-maintenance baby. I am eBFing so I was w/ him all the time. I really felt as if I missed out on a lot of DD's life the 1st few months. I can't imagine if she was older and in activities, I'd really feel guilty then. At one point, after I was back at work, she was sick and I had to stay home w/ her. I had a moment's panic "I don't know how to take care of her anymore!" - of course I did and do and it was fine, but I really felt like all of my attention went to DS. I think this was true for about the 1st 6 months.

 

 

vtmezzo

Ours will be 26 mo apart. I know we're in for a chaotic and expensive few years with diapers and daycare, but that's how we wanted it. I always wanted kids close together, and this was as close as I could have them without totally losing my mind! I just didn't want to wait for them to be 3 years apart. It will be nice (and sad at the same time) to get the whole baby phase out of the way. We're stopping at 2 - I could do one more I think but DH won't even go there!

SoonToBeMrsDTS

Artslvr:

Sofka:

 They'll be able to play together and keep e.o. entertained.

  My girls are juuust almost to the point where we can leave them playing together without having to constantly watch them.

We are here and although they do fight some, never to the point of injury. It is amazing. I say "go in the playroom" and they do, and I stay in the kitchen making dinner in relative peace. Now if those darn Barbie clothes were just a little easier to put on, they'd never even ask for help while they're in there!! 

amh_navyblue

My girls are 40 months apart and, while the original plan was to have them 2 years apart (gotta love plans...and how often they don't work out when it comes to things like this;), I am really happy with the age difference.  DD#1 was really helpful with DD#2 and the fact that many of her preschool playmates had little siblings I think made her more excited and interested in having a sibling.  I have been amazed at how soon they have started to play together...I would have thought that 3 years apart would have been too much, but we can actually leave them in their room (they share) for 10 or 15 min and they are actually playing together...it's really cute.  One of the challenging parts of the age difference is the toys--there are so many of DD#1's toys that have small parts or other elements that are dangerous for a 1 year old, so we have had to be extra vigilent...also I think it was a challenge for DH and I to get back in the "newborn" groove...I think when kids get to 2.5/3 y.o., the logistics of parenting seem to get so much easier and we were really enjoying that...so going back to the up at night and intense parenting that a baby requires was hard...but as I said originally, I really like the age gap--and kudos to all of you moms to 2 under 2 (or close to it)!!

kirnat848

My oldest is 4.5yrs older than DD2 and 6.5yrs old than DD3, DD2 and DD3 are 25 months apart. My oldest is a helper, always have been seriously if she wasn't I dont know what I would have done. She helped out a lot with DD2 and DD3 and would run and get me things all the time. I also loved having all that time to spend with just her, but it makes me sad because I didn't get that chance with the other two. The other two, being so close (in my book) was not too bad for me, just the having 3 took me a long time to get used to and I think I'm still getting used to it trying to juggle things especially now since my 2 older ones are starting to do more and more activities out of the house. I know a lot of moms who have the 2 under 2 and I just don't think I would have been able to do it! Mine are spaced out great for us and they all play really well together where that was never an issue. I'm sure it will be in the coming years since my oldest is at such an age gap but for now its fine.

Hey Jellisy

We're 22 months apart, which is what I wanted.  I am the oldest of 4 and there is almost 7 years between me and my youngest sibling - my closest sibling is 15 months younger than I am and I loved that we were all so close in age.  The only thng that I would change, is that while 15 months made for great playmates, we were really competitive in school and I wanted to ensure that our LOs were 2 years apart in school.  I am only 6 weeks into 2 under 2, but I can say it has been a lot easier than I thought it would be.  That said, I might feel differently if I was a SAHM since I can still drop DD off at daycare for part of the day to give myself some time with DS.  2 in diapers doesn't bother me and it really isn't a big strain on our budget.  At 22 months, DD plays really well independently and we no longer watch her like a hawk which makes it easier to nurse and rock DS.  I heard recently that having a second minimally affects the mother and really impacts the lifestyle of the dad.  I would agree 100% with this.  DH had gotten very used to coming home and decompressing before playing with DD - now with 2 LOs at home, when he walks in the door, he inevitably gets a toddler or a baby.  Essentially we play man to man defense so he always has one to look after.   

slukd79

Hey Jellisy:

We're 22 months apart, which is what I wanted.  I am the oldest of 4 and there is almost 7 years between me and my youngest sibling - my closest sibling is 15 months younger than I am and I loved that we were all so close in age.  The only thng that I would change, is that while 15 months made for great playmates, we were really competitive in school and I wanted to ensure that our LOs were 2 years apart in school.  I am only 6 weeks into 2 under 2, but I can say it has been a lot easier than I thought it would be.  That said, I might feel differently if I was a SAHM since I can still drop DD off at daycare for part of the day to give myself some time with DS.  2 in diapers doesn't bother me and it really isn't a big strain on our budget.  At 22 months, DD plays really well independently and we no longer watch her like a hawk which makes it easier to nurse and rock DS.  I heard recently that having a second minimally affects the mother and really impacts the lifestyle of the dad.  I would agree 100% with this.  DH had gotten very used to coming home and decompressing before playing with DD - now with 2 LOs at home, when he walks in the door, he inevitably gets a toddler or a baby.  Essentially we play man to man defense so he always has one to look after.   

That is so interesting! I have never heard that before. Although to be honest, I may not mention it to DH...

LindseyJW

our kids are almost 4 years apart. i wanted them to be 3 years apart, but i'm actually really glad that the space happened this way instead. our considerations included financing a second child, my physical abilities to be pregnant with a toddler, and when the time just felt right for our family.

young children tend to go through their biggest developmental changes during the middle of their years (1.5, 2.5, etc), so we did try to time so that they would be even years apart, so that these more challenging times occurred at the same time, rather than having one challenging child most of the year!

i really appreciated the time i got to spend with #1 when he was aware and somewhat independent. i really got to know him, respect him as an individual and not just as "my baby," and he got to know both of his parents. 

waiting gave me time to be healthy emotionally and physically before ttc again and to restore happiness in my marriage, which had suffered from my ppd.

when i became pregnant, my son was super helpful around the house. i cannot imagine being pregnant with a 1 year old! they just require so much attention and the first part of my pregnancy was completely exhausting and i suffered with insomnia.

one of the highlights the second time was watching my son learn and grow with the the pregnancy and now with his sister. i'm sure this happens with all families, but when kids are close in age, i imagine there is much less of an awareness of what is going on. i ADORED watching him mature and become a big brother. since #2 was born at home, we prepared #1 for what to expect. he made me so proud! having him at the birth is something i cherish and i'm so thankful for.

financial advantages include reduced time with two in daycare/preschool and kids won't be in college at the same time (ours actually will, b/c #1 was born late in the fall so the kids will only be 3 years apart in school).

2vthokies

Our kids are 25 months apart (they are 30 months and 5 months).  I think it's a great age separation.  DD #1 has been fantastic with the change - zero jealousy, etc.  In fact, we have to watch her because she loves her sister so much she wants to do everything with her.  When she colors, she will hand the baby a marker to color too.  DD #2 is a super easy baby (the EXACT opposite of DD #1) so that has helped.  I actually think the transition from 1 kid to 2 kids was much, much easier than 0 kids to 1 kid.  The only issue we really have is DD #1 is potty trained at school (and has been for almost 5 months) but refuses to go at home.  She does not wear a diaper at school but at home and on the weekend she insists on a diaper.  I think that it's because DD #2 is in diapers and, because we just have more going on, I haven't been able to focus on finishing potty training.  As soon as it warms up a bit, we are going pants free so that we can just finish.  I should caveat all this by saying that I work and while I was home for four months on maternity leave, DD #1 still went to school every day.  I got the best of both worlds - being able to have real bonding time with DD #2 and being able to focus on DD #1 when she came home from school and DH took the baby.