Well, we started foster/adopt training and it was not good

sarahtoledo

The training is seven Saturdays, all day long.  We were so put off that we barely came back from lunch.  

I'm chalking it up as county/state employees doing a really bad job of "marketing" -- but I don't know if we're going back next week.  Apparently, 70% of the group we were a part of are interested primarily in adoption, and the caseworkers who spoke said that they won't "find time" to do home studies unless you're looking to foster all ages, 0-18 (meaning you can't specify), and/or large (3+) sibling groups.  They plainly told everyone (we were part of a group of 70 or so) that they don't need adoptive parents or foster parents for young children.  It was implied that we'd be wasting their time if we only felt comfortable fostering/adopting one young child.  

I know they have an important job to do, and I don't want to be a time waster.  I also don't want to feel pressured into doing something we don't feel ready for.  

Wondering if anyone else had a similar experience?  TIA

 

Honeydew1894

I haven't had a similar experience, but how disappointing. My guess is bc all resources are in short supply, they are looking for what will stretch what they have the farthest. It is not really fair to you, but I can see where they might want to limit it.

swanck

I'm sorry.  That's really difficult.

You're right - you shouldn't feel pressured to pursue a process that you are not 100% on board with.  

I hope you can find the right program/agency/caseworkers to help you get your family.

 

What do you think you guys will do from here? 

sarahtoledo

Honeydew1894:

I haven't had a similar experience, but how disappointing. My guess is bc all resources are in short supply, they are looking for what will stretch what they have the farthest. It is not really fair to you, but I can see where they might want to limit it.

You're right, it was disappointing.  I went in knowing that their job is not about finding us what we need/want, but I guess I thought our goals could overlap a little more.  KWIM?  

I have asked for more information on a little girl (7 yrs old) that is waiting for adoption...  

Temp206787500007404

I'm sorry lady. 

We started out pursuing foster/adopt and that first meeting was an eye opener for us as well.  First, they wouldn't let us adopt b/c we had not been married for 3 years.  If we were just living together (regardless of the length of the relationship) we could have adopted as a couple.  Or if we were single we could have adopted.  Frustrating.

Then, they told us that we could only apply to foster/adopt a child under the age of 3 years IF they were AA.  We were willing to be open to any and all races, but didn't understand why CC, BR, or children of Asian or Hispanic heritages would be so discriminated against that they would have to stay in the foster system until after 3 years.  Very sad.

We've been told things are very different if you go through a private agency who contracts with the state where we live, and I know other girls on this board (and my brother and one of my close friends IRL) have had great luck going through private agencies to foster/adopt.  It's very different and by using a private agency, you also have someone who advocates for you as the foster/adoptive parent and deals with the county/state on your behalf.

lilmufish

We get the same thing...all of the agencies in our area are only opening up their homes to homes willing to take older kids or sibling groups. In our area (it's not advertised) most of the homes are licensed th rough private agencies. Could you possibly see if any of the private agencies are looking for homes? We were considering moving agencies but we were told by 3 other agencies that there was no need for foster parents under the age of 10, just 10 and over. I'm sure that cycles through.....

We weren't licensed for 2 and under which is what we wanted to begin with, but for 0-5/6 and we were accepted immediately. We've had placements of 2 & 3 yr olds, 3 & 4 year olds and now we have a 4 month old. Our agency worker actually told us today that it had been over two years since a baby had come into care...but that they get school aged kids all the time because daycares and schools hotline quite often.

Floridamom224

I had a similar experience...it has turned out ok, but for awhile I was really put off...sorry if this gets long.

we fostered from 2007-2010 and adopted our DS.  We had four foster placements before him.  We were licensed for ages 0-3.  After we finalized our adoption of DS, we decided we wanted to take a break from fostering for awhile.  His case went on for 2 years and we had many ups and downs during that time.  When we were first licensed, we did not want to adopt...we were strictly looking to foster.  Well, as soon as the first foster child was placed in our home, that went RIGHT out the window.  We would have adopted any of them, but we had to be patient and wait for the right situation to come along.  Many of them went to family members who were willing to care for them, one went to another foster home that wanted to adopt both our foster child and her brother, and one went home to his father.  DS was foster child number 5, and at first we never even thought we would get to adopt him, as he was placed with us temporarily until an ICPC was completed on a relative out of state.  We had actually taken him BECAUSE Of this...we had just had a baby we cared for for 6 months reunified with his father and it really devastated us, so I felt like I needed a child placed with me who was not looking like they would be adoptable so that I had time to heal.  well, what was supposed to be a placement for a couple of months, turned into a couple of years and we finally got to adopt him!  :-)

well, when we decided to take a break from fostering, we were also thinking that we would try to get pregnant.  We knew we wanted two kids, and it seemed like the perfect time to expand our family.  Low and behold a year later we were diagnosed with MFI, and were looking once again into our options.  Our first thought was to reopen our foster home and foster until a child came along that ended up being adoptable.  It took me over 2 weeks to get in touch with ANYONE over at the agency we were licensed through.  When I FINALLY got through to the person that we were directed to talk to, she was very rude and basically slammed the door in our face.  She said that they werent licensing people who ultimately wanted to adopt because they have an over abundance of children ages 11 and over who need adoptive homes, and unless we were willing to adopt one of them then they were not willing to relicense us.  When I asked if we could just strictly foster, and in the EVENT a child became available for adoption we could possibly adopt them, she AGAIN slammed the door in our face.  She basically told me that what had happened with our son was now a RARITY and that if there was a child placed in our home for over a year they would look for an adoptive home and they would not let us adopt.  WTF???  So, you would TAKE a child OUT of a home that is WILLING to adopt them because you want to put them in one of your "adoptive" homes?  GIve me a break. 

So, basically we were extremely disheartened by all of this.  we started looking into private domestic adoption, and when I told the counselor at the agency we were going to work with that we had been licensed previously as foster parents, she asked us to get her a copy of our homestudy.  I called the licensing counselor we had worked with the whole time we were licensed and explained our situation to her.  She was very sorry to hear about our fertility issues, and when I mentioned that we were more than willing to foster again, she stopped me flat in my tracks and asked why we werent.  I explained to her the convo I had with the OTHER person at the agency, and admitted to her how disheartened we were that we were turned away.  She asked me if I would mind if she talked to her supervisor about it, and within ten minutes she called me back and said that the info I was given was false and that the reason they wouldnt license us again was because my husbands job posed a conflict of interest.  I was still disheartened and she said she would talk with her supervisor more about it and see what she could do.  Within a week we had all come to an agreement on how to keep the conflict out of it, and we were well on our way to being relicensed.

Now, I have to tell you that when we met with the licensing counselor who handled our homestudy this go around, we were VERY open and honest about our intentions.  We told her that we wanted to foster children ages 0-5, and that due to our fertility issues, we would LOVE to adopt again.  She explained that the first goal is always reunification for the kids and we 110% agreed with her.  But, we did let it be known that in the event the child were to become available for adoption, we would 110% do that.  She also admitted that we were on her list to call before she even got our case about wanting to reopen because they were calling all the foster homes that had previously closed to see if they could get them to reopen because they were desperate for homes.

So, although the agency is telling you this, I would NOT give up hope.  They may HOPE to only license people who want to foster older kids, and you may have to take a couple to get your foot in the door, but ultimately they are going to want to keep their foster homes open and happy, and even though they tell you you wont get a little one eventually, it DOES happen.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Floridamom224

fredalina:

Yes. We went into it thinking we'd like to adopt a child ages 5-9 and were told they would only take adopt-only applications for people adopting ages 9+. Foster or foster/adopt could be any age but there was definitely pressure to take teens or at least older kids. We were also open to sibling groups of 2, but they wouldn't waive the age rule unless you were open to 3+ siblings. And yet they advertise constantly for adoptive homes.

We did ednd up deciding we were open to foster/adopt, and actually expanded our age range to age 12, but not because of the speech. In reality, the day 1 speech was incorrect and they licensed several people for young kids only, and the vast majority of our calls were for kids under age 2. I really disagree with the practice, but it seems like a weeding out procedure.

I agree with you on this.  It seemed like the vast majority of our calls (as well as our friends) were for younger kids.  I think it is a weeding out procedure as well.

Temp206787500007404

Floridamom224:

fredalina:

Yes. We went into it thinking we'd like to adopt a child ages 5-9 and were told they would only take adopt-only applications for people adopting ages 9+. Foster or foster/adopt could be any age but there was definitely pressure to take teens or at least older kids. We were also open to sibling groups of 2, but they wouldn't waive the age rule unless you were open to 3+ siblings. And yet they advertise constantly for adoptive homes.

We did ednd up deciding we were open to foster/adopt, and actually expanded our age range to age 12, but not because of the speech. In reality, the day 1 speech was incorrect and they licensed several people for young kids only, and the vast majority of our calls were for kids under age 2. I really disagree with the practice, but it seems like a weeding out procedure.

I agree with you on this.  It seemed like the vast majority of our calls (as well as our friends) were for younger kids.  I think it is a weeding out procedure as well.

It's the opposite here.  In our class there were a large number of foster parents who were there (very obviously...as all of their questions were focused on it) for the money.  It's not much, but they were all about the school age children (more $ for older children and no day care costs as the day care stipend in our state very rarely covers the entire cost) and how many they could stack in a room (I was surprised at how many they will allow in a room, basically as many as you can squeeze beds in for).  Ours were very desperate for foster/adopt parents who were open to under age 5.

PrincessShay80

I found that they do not want people to think of foster care as an adoption agency, but having met SO many people who have adopted children that came to them as babies from foster care was a better judge for me then what the case workers said.

We got involved with our county foster care/adoption program after completing our home study with a private agency (long story) but we still have to be licensed through the county. They accepted our homestudy, and did one home inspection- our licensing worker was great and knew we wanted to adopt- she never put us down for that. She even helped match us with our daughter- she knew a caseworker who had a 3 week old baby who needed a foster/adoptive home- so as long as we were willing to accept a "legal risk" placement she was all about putting us with a baby who would most likely go to adoption and she was right.

I feel that its so important to have both foster and foster/adopt homes in the program- there are cases that are "more likely to go to adoption" I know they don't always work out- but the case workers know the bio parents history- and why not place that child in a home that wants to adopt- as to achieve permancy more quickly- is it really better to move a child after a year of being in foster care- because TPR happened and now he needs an adoptive home? I don't think that is in the best interest of the child.

 

militarywife2b

Our classes are for 10 weeks, we meed 3 hours every Thursday night. Our first class one of the social workers had a bit of an attitude toward the group and last week the leaders of the group apologized for any misgivings that had happened. The only problem I have with my group is that the continually like to tell you how they can elect you out of the program at whim. I am on enough eggshells as it is, really the added stress is not needed.

firefightersgal

PrincessShay80:

I found that they do not want people to think of foster care as an adoption agency, but having met SO many people who have adopted children that came to them as babies from foster care was a better judge for me then what the case workers said.

I feel that its so important to have both foster and foster/adopt homes in the program- there are cases that are "more likely to go to adoption" I know they don't always work out- but the case workers know the bio parents history- and why not place that child in a home that wants to adopt- as to achieve permancy more quickly- is it really better to move a child after a year of being in foster care- because TPR happened and now he needs an adoptive home? I don't think that is in the best interest of the child.

 

I agree with both of these points.  Our social worker pushed older kids on us very hard in the beginning, especially teen mothers.  (Saying there was a chance that the teen mother would choose us to adopt the baby).  Also, the first few times she talked to me before our class, she said we would have to do straight foster care prior to being a foster/adopt or adoptive family.

I understand there is a great need for foster families for older children and sibling groups.  However, neither of those situations would be a good fit for our family, which would also cause it to not be a good fit for the child(ren) placed with us. 

More than likely, the only way we will be able to expand our family will be adoption through the foster system, so we stuck it out.  There were a few classes that I just smiled and nodded.  I feel like our social worker is a lot more receptive to our wants and needs at this point.  I've been very adamant that birth order is important to us and our 4 year old daughter.  She has told us that it may take a long time to match us, but it may be immediate.  They *just* placed a newborn straight from the hospital this week, so that gives me some hope.

come*on*baby

I don't think you'll get any sympathy on the 7 Saturdays all day long. All foster parents go through training AND are expected to do continued training throughout the year, at least I know DH and I are to keep up 30 hours of continued training. They aren't just going to let you have an abused child without hours and hours of training. If THAT puts you off, well then you might consider expanding your family another way because you may have to take the children to therapy appointments, multiple doctors appointments and family visits (most foster parents are responsible for transport). 

mysticl

When we would start a new foster parent training group we would tell them that we were looking for homes for children, not children for homes.  Meaning our goal was to find a child a home, not find you a child.  We didn't exclude people who wanted only little kids but we did explain that they if they stuck to that they could wait months or years for a placement.  We also didn't have classes that large.  I can understand not wanting to put the time and money into training and approving that many homes and have half of them never take a placement because they are so specific in their criteria. 

sarahtoledo

come*on*baby:

I don't think you'll get any sympathy on the 7 Saturdays all day long. All foster parents go through training AND are expected to do continued training throughout the year, at least I know DH and I are to keep up 30 hours of continued training. They aren't just going to let you have an abused child without hours and hours of training. If THAT puts you off, well then you might consider expanding your family another way because you may have to take the children to therapy appointments, multiple doctors appointments and family visits (most foster parents are responsible for transport). 

Oh man, I am really coming off badly here!  

I absolutely wasn't looking for sympathy.  I just see our time as an investment, and if there is no need for anything we can provide, it would be a waste.