TTC after 35

thoughtless comments

So, I went out to dinner with two of my sorority sisters from college last week.  We are all pretty comfortable with talking about where we are in our family planning stages and two of us are currently TTC. 

One of them asks me how things are going and I told her not so great, that I had just finished up a 75 day cycle.  Well, she starts laughing and makes the comment "Wow, maybe you are in the early stages of menopause".

Umm, yeah, that's not really what I want to hear.  And certainly not while you are laughing like it's the most hilarious thing you've ever heard.  It really hurt my feelings, but I didn't have backbone to tell her so.

Just had to get that off my chest- thanks for listening. 

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Re: thoughtless comments

  • Geesh, that's harsh. I'd be upset too if a friend said something like that to me. People can say really dumb things. If only more people would think before they spoke...
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  • I'm so sorry!

    I have just recently found myself aware of how I interpret thoughtless comments from other people. And then I realized, I probably said those types of things without even thinking about it before I was where I am today.

    Don't be too hard on your friend. It kills me to think how insensitive I might have been in the past. She didn't mean it to be that way.

    Single Mother by Choice. Life didn't work out the way I planned so I did it on my own. IUI #s 1-3, unmedicated = BFN, IUI #s 4-6, 50mg Clomid, Ovidrel = BFN IVF #1: 23R, 20M, 17F. 5 day transfer 2 blasts. 2 Snowbabies BFP 6dp5dt, Beta #1 7dp5dt = 58, Beta #2 9dp5dt = 114, Beta #3 10dp5dt = 187 1st Ultrasound = 5/3, not much to see yet. 2nd Ultrasound = 5/17, TWINS!!! Hospital Bed Rest at 32 weeks due to pre-ecclampsia and severe edema. Audrey Grace, 5lbs9oz, & Lydia Louise, 6lbs, born via emergency c-section on 12/6/12 at 36w1d My IVF Journey
  • I'm so sorry. It sounds hurtful. I have both been hurt by a thoughtless comment and made plenty myself. It's not fun to be on either side of the situation. I bet you she thought about it later and realized what an a$$ she'd been.
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  • Just yesterday, a good friend of mine who knows I am still recovering from an ectopic pregnancy was talking at lunch with me and another friend about the fact that she doesn't want kids while her boyfriend does.  Then she said "I'm 40, if I wanted kids I would have had them already, I would have had them 15 years ago."  I burst into tears right there and then (I turn 40 in August).  She felt terrible.  I'm not excusing the thoughtless comment AT ALL.  I'm just saying, even close friends make them without realizing it, which can be really hard to take!
    me - 41 (dx: DOR); DH - 53 (no problems); 7/18/09 - married!; 8/4/09 - BFP on first (real)try; 9/14/09 - missed m/c; 9/15/09 - d&c; 11/09 - 3/10 - 4 natural cycles = BFN; 4/10 - dx hyperthyroidism caused by Graves' disease; 6/10 - thyroidectomy; 7/10 - 12/10 - 1 natural and 5 medicated IUI cycles = BFN; 1/11 - new RE; dx low ovarian reserve (AMH .42; 1/26/11 -- BFP (ectopic) from IUI #6; methotrexate 2/10/11; 6/2/11 - IVF #1 = BFN; 9/12/11 - prescreening for DE; 9/15/11 - IUI #7 (unmedicated)= BFN; 11/8 - begin DE cycle (shared risk program); 12/5 - ER (5 eggs/4 mature/3 fertilized/2 left by day 5) 12/10 - ET of one 1BB blast (expanded, "fair" quality), none to freeze; 12/22 - totally shocked by +hpt; beta #1 = 413; #2 = 3952 2/14 - CVS reveals a healthy baby girl! EDD: 8/27/12 DD born 8/31/12, 10 lbs 10 oz and perfect in every way. 
  • When I was 38 my mom said: "you're too old now anyway"  (granted she didn't know I had any interest in trying.)   Just yesterday she was saying how hard it is for her to babysit her grandchildren by adding "there is a reason people have babies when they are in their 20s or 30s; only young people can handle it."  (sure she meant as opposed to 65+ like her...she just has no idea)
    About me: A pixie in the city, 41, TTC #1 since May 2010, married 18 years. Diagnosed with, surgically removed, endometrioma Aug.2010 Sept 2010 IUI #1=BFN, Oct=cyst/bfn, Nov 2010 IUI #2 = bfn. Had to postpone IUI #3 b/c of a cyst natural=BFN. Skipped IUI #3, decided to go for IVF. Found/removed uterine polyps Jan 2011. IVF cancelled, no follicles. IVF #2: 3 great embies put in on Easter Sunday = BFN. Hoping for another chance at IVF in July. TTC is NOT for wimps. http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ticker/2fab90/ttc.png
  • : ( I'd probably email her and tell her how insensitive that was. I'm hoping she didn't realize at the time how horrible that was.
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