When to have another baby...need advice please

New Mommy 2B

My husband and I are talking about when to start tying for another baby.  Our daughter is 15 months old and I know you cant "plan" everything but we'd like to have a baby born in the spring time (our first was born in November, took longer than we expected).  My husband is a coach and works a lot of hours in the fall/early spring.  If we started trying beginning of summer our daughter would be 2 1/2 maybe almost 3 when the baby is born.  If we wait to start trying until next summer then she will be 3 1/2 possibly almost 4 when the next one is born.  My sister and I are 5 years apart (wasn't intended to be that way) but I feel like its too many years apart, I would have liked to be closer in age.  I need help and advice of others because of course my family (inlaws) are pressing the issue.  However, my mother who is 46 was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer.  I dont know that I can emotionally handle being pregnant and going through everything with her.  I was sick for the first 5 months with my first, losing 22 lbs.  Didn't mean for this to be so long, but please give me your thoughts, opinions, advice.  Thanks in advance.  By the way, husband doesn't want to be "old" when the kids graduate.  He will be 32 in October and I will be 26 in April.  Happy Friday!

shopgirl78

I am a overthinker too, so don't take this harshly. 

Whenever, you're ready to have another child.  Go for it! I think you are waiting for to many things to align- and they won't.   Even the best set plans have flaws.  There is never perfect but there is what it is.  So, barring financial issues (being unable to feed a 2nd), I would just go for it when your ready and take eveything else in stride. 

ETA: Who cares about your in-laws?  Not their issue.  I'd frankly say, we will have another child when we are ready and until then STFU. 

And, I am sorry to hear about your mother.    

lifesadance

First of all, I want to tell you how truly sorry I am to hear about your mother's diagnosis.  I've lost loved ones in my life and one bit of advice I can give is that you can't stop living your life just because someone else is sick or dying.  That said, as you mentioned, it would be a lot of stress dealing with your mother's illness and a pregnancy at the same time BUT the prospect of a little one on the way might be a shining ray brightness that can ease the pain that you all will be going through.  I say do what feels right to you.  It's not wrong to be planning for a baby in the shadows of an impending loss or illness.  You need to live your life.

As far as spacing goes, I have one sister 2 years older and one 4 years younger and have always been closer to the younger sister.  I don't know if it's the spacing that made us closer or that we are both in the middle (we have a younger brother).  Again, do what feels right.  Try to eliminate all of the other factors..." IF X, Y, & Z weren't happening..." what would you do?

Remember, women are strong and God doesn't give us more than we can handle.  

AutumnBride929

I'm sorry to hear about your mother.  Was she diagnosed at the time you were pg with #1?  Maybe your pregnancy will be uplifting for her.  And hopefully you can lean on each other for support.  I say go ahead and start trying as it sounds like the age difference if you were to start trying sooner rather than later is more ideal for you.  And hopefully you don't get so sick this time.  You know, every pregnancy is different.  Good luck.

Bubbles1022

I'm so very sorry to hear about your mom!!!

  I say just go for it when you and H are ready! I'm big on going on gut feelings and instincts and I believe you will feel when the time is right for your family.  GL!

rnfromtn

Sorry about your mother.  I agree with the previous posts.  I understand trying to match up convenient and non-stressed times of the year to have a baby, but some times that just isn't possible.  As far as spacing and opinions, I am the youngest of 3, and we are all 3 years apart which is probably the most I would consider spacing my own kids.  My friend and her older brothers were 4 years apart and they are not close AT ALL.  My husband and his sisters (he's in the middle) are 2 years apart and they are all very close.  But, your kids might grow up having completely different interests and personalities so does spacing really matter?  Go with you gut and Start trying when you are ready.     Good luck.

Christina79

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mother.

I am 31 and DH is 33, we too don't want to wait because we are already getting older. My brother and I are 1 year apart, I love it! DH and his sister are 3 years apart and they think it's perfect. So really, I think it's more about when you are ready. Whatever age your DD is when baby #2 comes along will be perfect for your family.

I wanted 3 kids, then I had DD and am so happy with just her. I don't feel ready for #2 and am trying to figure out when is best. The bottom line is that I'm not ready, but I have noticed that I am starting to warm up to the idea of #2 maybe this summer. You have to listen to your heart. 

I know it's easy to over think, and if  you feel like you can't handle it yet then wait. When you are ready, you will know.

jdouglas84

Sorry to hear about your mom, I know that coping with a sick parent must add a lot of stress.

I think about the age gap in between DD and a possible LO #2, but we know we're not at a place to TTC any time soon. My sister is 8 years younger than I am, and we are super close. I wouldn't worry too much about the age difference, I know siblings who are a year or two apart and don't get along at all. My DH and his sister are 3 years apart and don't get along too much.