Using family names and hurt feelings

beachgal0114

So, we're having b/g twins.  I've posted before that I'd like to use my dad's middle name (Ellis) as our son's mn.  The only problem is that I'm afraid my mom is going to get really upset if we use something from my dad and not from her.  She and my dad divorced over 20 years ago, but she's still really touchy about these kinds of things (made a big deal about picking her "grandma" name before my stepmom, etc.).  I've been trying to find something from her side of the family to use as our daughter's middle name, but I'm coming up blank.  We've decided on Madeline as the fn, and I love Claire for the mn.  The only name from mom's family that might work is Elizabeth, but I think that's kind of a mouthful, esp. with our two syllable last name.  My mom hates her middle name, so that's not an option either.  Her first name does begin with "C" so maybe I could say the Claire was in honor of her?

Has anyone dealt with this? Should we just not worry about it, or should we just avoid using family names in order to keep the peace? I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings while trying to honor someone else. 

CocoBrynne

I don't think you should feel obligated to do so, but I understand why you do.  I really like Ellis for a boy's MN.  Claire and Elizabeth are both my top choices for a MN for a baby girl too.  I agree that Madeline Claire flows a little better, but Madeline Elizabeth sounds great too, I don't think it's a mouthful.

2moms2twins

No matter what you will never ever please everyone with names.  Which is why we keep ours under tight lips.   Its not your mothers baby... she had her chance and now its your turn.  You do what you think is right and no matter what you decide it will be the right choice for you.  I think using C as a letter for inspiration for clair and telling your mom that its ih her honor and using your dads MN is awesome! 

Claire Ellis Rocks I think... I am an out of the box type so ....

Do what is right for you !!! They will get over it !

erin.ryan

You should never feel obligated to use a name! You should choose names that you love and 100% WANT to use. IMO, using a name from your mom's family in an attempt to be "fair" makes honoring your father less special. Personally, the people I want to honor in our children's names are people who would never expect it, would never pressure us and would never make us feel like we hurt their feelings if we didn't honor them. 

saham07

So sad how long divorce goes on and on for the children

PearlPink

Honestly the bottom line is these are your kids, not your mom's. She needs to grow up and stop putting you in the middle. I think personally if I named my child to please others and not myself I would always resent it.

pug86

I totally understand and it is very important to me to pass on family names to my children.   But sometimes the pickin's are slim!     Can you find a name(s) that would inspire another name?   For instance, with my 2nd son, I decided his mn would be after both of our fathers' middle names.  But I found out they had different spellings:  Allen and Alan.   So I made up a new one to honor both: Alen.    Or sometimes people combine names to make a new name. 

Maybe instead of Elizabeth, you could do Elisa (my cousins name!).  If you mom needs the extra attention, make it clear that its in honor of her family, write the inspiration in the baby book, etc.  My SIL's parents are separated and her mom is the same way - easily feels left out, etc.

I didn't have to do family names.  It was because I wanted to.  And that is the bottom line.  If you feel forced, its going to be difficult.  A name is a gift to your child, not family... even though it would tickle them to be honored in that way.  

Praying you find the right direction in passing on a family name!!!

lacatalina

I totally understand what you're saying, I actually just wrote a post in the May 2011 board about the same issue I'm facing but with my in-laws.  What it's coming down to for me is wondering if I can ever feel good about picking my child's name based on guilt/fear of upsetting someone.  I've daydreamed about my kids' names since I was 10 years old, I can't imagine now picking one out of anything but total love for the name.  That's all to say that I hope whatever you pick you and your husband feel absolutely great about it.  Beautiful names, by the way :-)