Stressed about telling IF friends...

love_melongtime

Hey ladies, does anyone else have a few friends who struggle with infertility and are SUPER not looking forward to telling them that you're knocked up?? DH's best friend and his wife have been trying for almost 2 years, to no avail. And his wife kind of doesn't really love me to begin with (we have just never quite jived, if you know what i mean) and i'm soooo not looking forward to telling our exciting news to them! I also have a good friend who miscarried a couple years ago and has not gotten KU since then. They have adopted a child but I know it's still got to be hard for her. Anyway, just wondering if anyone else can relate to this?

txhottie

My Dh works with a guy and he and his wife have been trying for 6 years!  They have had 5 m/c and are now doing IUI, which as resulted in 2 pregnancies, but both were m/cs!  I know that they will be happy for us, but since were trying for 10 months before our BFP, I know what she will be going through on the inside.    It is so hard to have such happy news, but feel sad to share it!

heather_09_15_07

Yes. I would wait a while to tell them. Also, I'd either do it over the phone or through email so they don't have to put on a happy face for you.

z047059

i have had this last time as well as this time. With our 1st, my friend had been trying for 3 years and had unsuccessful invertro...even though they were having a tough time they were excited for us and low and be hold they took a break from trying and got pregnant about 3 months after us.

This round it is another friend who has IF issues. We had our 1st at the same time. When her son was 6 months they started trying for #2 knowing it might take awhile. When I told her we were "surprise" pregnant, she was excited for us. She knew we had had issues in the past getting pregnant.

If the are really good friends with your DH, then they should be excited for you!!

CardsfanSM

Well, I can relate to the IF side. It took over 4 years, and 2 IVF's to finally make our daughter. I'm currently pregnant with twins from another ART procedure.

My advice would be to tell them both in an e-mail. There is nothing worse that being told in person that someone is pregnant, especially when that person has not struggled with IF. I've been guilty of the "deer in headlights" look many times.

Tell them in an e-mail, give them time to process. Don't expect them to be overjoyed. They might not even respond to the e-mail, but don't take it personally. They are deep in their own struggle. 

GL, it has to be tough to be on your side of the fence too.

PurplePanda83

Just be sensitive. I had several friends get pregnant when I was dealing with IF issues and the only one that hurt really badly was the one who kept it from me the longest. Also if you can avoid telling these people in a large group in front of people. If you tell them one on one and they need to take a minute for themselves it will be easier than in front of a crowd. I'm sure in the end they will all be happy for you. It is a happy occasion.

love_melongtime

heather_09_15_07:

Yes. I would wait a while to tell them. Also, I'd either do it over the phone or through email so they don't have to put on a happy face for you.

Yeah, that's the plan. We are waiting until 12 weeks to tell them and will be doing it over the phone. It's kind of funny because DH's best friend and his wife got engaged before us, even tho we had been dating much longer than them. And I remember being so jealous and it killed me to watch her showing off her engagement ring and constantly talking about wedding plans and I always felt like she was kind of shoving it in my face. (Even on their wedding day she hugged me and said "are you ok?" ugh) So now it's definitely an odd feeling that those tables have turned. Anyway, thanks for the advice!

krbkmp110307

Absolutely, most of my friends had or are having struggles with getting pregnant.  While I know they will be happy for us, it still has to be hard to hear especially since they know we didn't start trying until the end of Dec.  All you can do is still try to be there for them. H&H 9 months to you!!!      

daydreamer1802

CardsfanSM:

My advice would be to tell them both in an e-mail. There is nothing worse that being told in person that someone is pregnant, especially when that person has not struggled with IF. I've been guilty of the "deer in headlights" look many times.

Tell them in an e-mail, give them time to process. Don't expect them to be overjoyed. They might not even respond to the e-mail, but don't take it personally. They are deep in their own struggle. 

This. I have been there and I wish this is what ppl would have done for me. Good Luck

megkreig

DH and i tried for a long time and went through IF treatment to conceive our twins (funny story-- this time i went off the pill and got pregnant the next week).  Anyway...my advice would be to be open and honest with your friends.  When i was in their shoes, i wanted to hear it straight from the couple and not through the grapevine.  It would also be nice to acknowledge that you didn't know what to do and how to tell them.  Also, you might want to kind of put the ball in their court to give them time to process things.  Does that make sense?  Good luck and keep us posted.

mabst196

Well, being a person that struggled with IF myself, I would say to definitely not hide it or not tell them about it to avoid it. Also, don't b!tch about being pregnant to her. Save that for your fertile friends.