Ethical Treatment of Birth Parents

jaartlvr

hi all. as we get closer to starting our adoption process, one thing that is feeling really important to me is to work with an agency(ies) that are ethical (at the very least) in their dealing with birth parents. in general, agency websites say they take good care of birth mothers (of course they say this...), and i know we can check to verify that no complaints/legal type action has been taken against an agency. but, do any of you have advice on verifying that an agency really is good to/for birth mothers/parents?

MrsKolasa

I would do a couple of things, you can do a quick search for reviews of your agency. Also- ask if they have any references that are birthparents who have placed through their agency before. I talked with and met a few birthparents that had gone through our agency and it was the major selling point. They take exceptional care of everyone. There were people still receiving counseling/help 7 years post placement.

Patches08

Good advice, Mrs I would recommend Bethany Christian Services to any BM, that's who I used and was pleased though I sought counseling elsewhere.

MrsKolasa

I've heard good things about Bethany on a national level, but the reviews for the one in my area were horrible. We like them at first, but once I started asking around and talking to some birthmoms, we decided to look elsewhere.

Birthparent ethics is the most important thing when choosing an agency & the people you work with. Believe me, I wanted to be a parent more than anything in the world, but not if it meant being shady or unethical.

Alicia_22

MrsKolasa:

I talked with and met a few birthparents that had gone through our agency and it was the major selling point. They take exceptional care of everyone. There were people still receiving counseling/help 7 years post placement.

 This exactly!!!! I had heard from several birthparents that had used our agency and had nothing but good things to say about their experiences! That was one of the main reasons I selected our agency. I will say that I wish I had thought about the support offered to the adoptive families as well before we signed with our agency. While I think it's more important to have great support for the birthparents and in that respect, I'm glad I selected our agency, I do wish we had a little more support on our side.

jaartlvr

thanks everyone. i will add that as someone who is totally new at this, it did not occur to me (before this forum) that i would be able to have the input/feedback of birthmoms, too - and i think that is so important and so amazing!

one thing i was wondering is whether or not this info would be easier to attain if we worked with an agency in our state (which we had not necessarily planned to do). any thoughts on this?

swanck

Those are all really great suggestions.  
I would also say that our agency really put information out there about what they offer to birth families, and how they are protected in the process.  
They were really forthcoming with it.  So I feel like they weren't hiding anything and make birth families just as much of a priority.  

jacksjerseygirl

I don't think there is a way to know 100% that ever birth parent is taken care of in a way we/most would want. Of course, the birth parent references they provide are going to be positive - like with any 'business'. 

1. scour the web,

2. our agency provided specialists for each triad (there was someone who specifically worked with the birth parents (birth parent specialist), someone who worked with the adoptive parents, and the social/case worker. I liked that everyone had their own person in the corner.

3. our agency provided free legal and counseling services through outside/independent entities to the birth parent. They also had in-house legal in every state for both birth parents and adoptive parents.

4. what types of 'other' services are offered? Our agency also offers scholarship application to birth parents as well. Though I know some see this as potentially being 'bribery' - we felt good about the opportunities that the scholarships provided to women, in particular.

 

Sometimes it just comes down to your gut after all other avenues have been researched and questioned.

Good luck. 

jaartlvr

jacksjerseygirl, would you mind pm'ing me your agency name if you're comfortable sharing? and thanks again to all!

katiej23

We are using the same agency that Jacksjerseygirl used (if I remember correctly from previous posts) and I have a really close friend who worked previously for them as a birth mother specialist and can vouch for her 100% support, 24/7.  To the point that as a FRIEND it was nearly irritating how each and every time a bm called, she answered and talked as long as she needed to.  Now that we are adopting, I can see how awesome that is that they take such great care of the bps.