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Maryland Babies
Where are my ladies??
Working mommas, if you've got some love to share please send it my way. I'm at an absolute breaking point. One of my deals went ballistic on Friday night and I've barely had time to come up for air since. Even working from home over the weekend and yesterday I barely got out of our home office long enough to see DS. I'm working 12+ hour days and can't let go of nighttime feedings because it's my only real time with him--so on top of everything else I'm exhausted, too.
I worked my a$$ off to get where I am and now I honestly don't know if I have the emotional energy, drive - hell, the desire - to do it. There's not much flexibility in the next year because DH is in school and I'm supporting us...and I know I'm putting us in a great position by doing what I'm doing...but I MISS MY KID. This is killing me.
I don't know if I'm venting or looking for support or what. I'm just sitting in my office gearing up with the partners to get this merger agreement out tonight and I guess I needed a virtual shoulder to cry on.........
If I post and run I promise to be back later. Things are just crazy busy around here right now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Where are my ladies??
Someone's getting a little brother!
OK first off breath. You are an amazing successful woman. Sounds like you worked hard to get there. Sounds like you also have had a really bad weekend. You are an amazing woman who not only makes babies but supports her family. Give yourself lots of credit. I travel for work I go several days without seeing my DS so I understand. I really do. It stinks to miss your DS it really does.
I am going to disagree with Mella&T (sorry); ) Do not think of this weekend, today or tomorrow. Think of the big picture and what you are doing and what you have done to get to where you are. Your LO has no concept of time at this point. A bad week might seem like an eternity to you but to him it was a blip.
DS will be so happy to see you this weekend. You will have a great time with him.
Dont be hard on yourself. Hugs Hugs and more hugs. You are an amazing mom you are so stressed about not seeing DS you are reaching out for help. That shows how much you care. So I repeat.........BREATH> this too shall pass. From the sound of it, this is a temporary situation.
Wow sorry for the novel. I hate that you feel bad for taking care of what you need to take care of to support your family(: Hugs.
Oh baby.
You have busted your ass_ and if anyone deserves the time off to simply enjoy being a mama, it's you. And you will... when the time is right for your family. I know it must be sososo hard for you, and that is completely understandable. It's hard enough to return to work when you're a Mom who would much rather be at home, but ten times harder working the kind of high-pressure long-hours career you're in.
I know it's probably little comfort, but as PP said, take it one day at a time and when you feel overwhelmed with sadness, remind yourself that by the time Maddox is 8, you'll be home all the time. You'll be a Room Mother, involved in the PTA, driving him to football practice and baking cookies just because you can. I'm sure that feels very far away, but it will be here in the blink of an eye, and in the time between now and then you are single-handedly putting your family in an amazing position that most can only dream of. You'll be proud of that, Brad will be proud of that, and when Maddox is old enough to understand, he'll be proud of his hard-working, selfless Mama who sacrificed to help make his life better - all because you love him so very much.
Take the time with him when and where you can. Snuggle him, love him, and cherish the moments. Hold onto them when you're trapped in the office working on a deal or waiting for Partner X to get back to you. Make the most of the time that you do have and remember: he already knows you love and adore him and I guarantee that he will never, EVER doubt that.
I know we don't do the same job, but I can relate to the breadwinning and long-ass commuting aspects of your situation. At the end of this week, I will finally be done with 2 months straight of insanity at work. For 2 weeks straight, ending with a 10-hour commute home on that stupid night of snow, I saw my kid for a total of 45 mins each weeknight (and most of that was rushing/making, eating dinner and then getting back to work after DD went to sleep. And maybe a couple of hours each weekend day. I set some serious limits then by working from home 2 days in a row (a big time no-no in my office) without asking permission, and then refusing to work more than a total of 8 hours that weekend. I paid for it big time the following Monday, but it was worth it.
I guess the only thing I can say is: you are supporting your family, and that is an honoroable, admirable, selfless thing. Are any of your colleagues in the same position? Many of my co-workers are moms, some with 3 or 4 kids (no idea how they do it), and I go to them for support way more than I ever thought I would.
On no. I am so sorry that you are having a rough few days! I would like to echo what several of the other ladies have said... You are a smart, strong, succesful lady. And you are an awesome mom. I know it is hard. But, you and your husband have a plan and you are working hard to get there.
You son loves you. He ADORES you! And as he grows up he will understand what you have done for your family and he will have all the more admiration and respect for you.
To an extent I understand where you are coming from... I too am the main bread winner for our family. My husband works full time and is in Grad school. Even if I wanted too, I could not quit my job. My daughter's health issues require that I maintain the very good health coverage that we have through my employer. DH's job's plan is not nearly as good and much more expensive.
Some days are really hard. This morning I had to leave the house while DD was reaching for me crying and saying, "Ma Ma MA!" like she was trying to get my attention and call me back. I cried in my car on the way to work.
The only thing that I can hold on to is that even though it is hard right now I KNOW with certainty that I am doing the absolute BEST thing for my daughter. When I am with her I try to be present in the moment and just enjoy being with her.
Much love and many, many hugs.
Maria
Oh Rags......hugs honey. Another working mom chiming in here. I had a really rough time for months after coming back to work, and that was dealing with a pretty regular 8:30 to 5:00 schedule and a 30 minute commute each way. So I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I would sit in my office on the verge of tears asking myself if I was making the right choice because it felt so wrong not having my baby in my arms. My heart hurt being away from every day. I was still doing the nighttime feedings until 8-9 months so I know how that feels. I wasn't willing to give that up either, because that was a special bonding time with him and no matter how sleep deprived I was I cherished it. But like everyone says, it got easier. Slowly, gradually, it became the reality and the new norm and you just start learning coping mechanisms. It is much, much easier now and I just remind myself I am doing this to give him a better future.
One thing that should be comforting to you is that your DS is in great hands everyday. Not everyone has such a good and loving provider for their child. All I can say is hang in there and it will get better-you are incredibly tough for doing this for your family.
Hugs!! I don't share your pain yet but I do plan on going back to work since right now I am the breadwinner too. My husband is planning on staying at home which is comforting and working evenings and weekends and possibly we may need to get some help from my SIL to watch the LO. Right now I am thinking "sure I can go back to work NBD" but I know I am going to feel like you 16-20 weeks from now. Just know that you are appreciated and it seems like you have a great support system from what I can tell. I know it's not easy but hang in there! I wonder if working Dads ever feel like this!?
I know exactly how you feel and I could have written the same thing. I try to come to terms with having to work, then I just get so angry. I hate hate hate hate it!! I thought it would be nbd, but boy was I wrong.
We can cry together, because that is what I often do.
Hang in there mama! Hugs!
Ok, so the nest ate my nice longer response.
Hugs! It is hard, it has been by far the most difficult thing to find balance in. But you are doing what is best for your family because you love them. Your son will always know you love him, there will be times where you might not see him as much as you want, but you will always be his momma. I know we aren't the same field, but I can sympathize. I work w/o a lunch so that I can leave an extra 30 mintues early to spend with John, what I wouldnt' give to shave another 30 off my commute! It's hard to find understanding people here because I work with a bunch of egotistical males, most of their wives are SAHM's because our jobs require shift work, travel, and frequent moves around the world. It's sad because most of them don't see much of their kids and they kind of joke about it, it makes me want to slap them across the face.
Focus on the time you do have with him, do fun stuff, just hug him. DH and I made a deal that all housework stops when we actually have time with John, dishes sit in the sink, dog hair piles up in the corners. That is stuff we can do when he is napping or after he goes to bed, and we both value time with him more than we value a spotless house.
Bunintheoven, there are some dad's who feel like this, good dads like my DH. DH often hs to work later in the evening because his bosses get in later than he does and often stay later, so DH spends extra time with DS in the morning. He will often stay at DC and have breakfast with John. Unfortunately I see a lot of dads that make light of not seeing their kids, it's sad.
I agree...this is what I meant...i think the feeling is differant for women sometimes..not that dads miss the baby any less or aren't good fathers for working their butts off supporting their families...
Thanks to all of you. I didn't have time to write again last night but reading your responses helped SO much. We got the main document out last night so I'm praying I at least get home in time to see him tonight...and then maybe for my telecommute day tomorrow I'll actually get to leave our home office - maybe even long enough to go for a short walk with him in that 68 degree weather they're calling for!!
You're all right in so many ways. I'm a big picture girl so knowing we have at least somewhat of a plan and that what I'm doing now is setting us up for the long run is a lifesaver. But then on a day-to-day level it really does help to take it 24 hours at a time - so that's right too in its own way. I try to remind myself that this is harder for me than it is for him - that he's with people who love him at all times and that when I do have my time with him I am fully present. When I left my firm in NY it was largely because I knew we'd need the support if we wanted a family (well - that and to avoid a heart attack before the age of 35)...and now that plan is panning out. Don't get me wrong - I'm SO grateful for our support system and I know how lucky we are to have it. Still, as everyone knows, it's hard.
It's amazing how many of us are the primary breadwinners for our families. I'm really proud of all of us. Brad always says the same thing about how proud he'll be of his momma as he grows up. I hope that's the case. I'm in a totally male dominated world and I know the men I work with are trying to get it...but yeah...they just don't.
lovelylittleworld
BFP#2 1/12/12 ~ Missed M/C 8w2d
BFP#1: 01/10, M/C 6w
BFP#2: 06/10, M/C 5w
BFP#3: 09/10, DS born June 1, 2011
BFP#4: 07/12, M/C 5w3d
BFP#5: 12/12, EDD 08/18/13
My Blog: Decorate This
Thanks, SK... You ladies are the best.
Oh... and the answer to this question is probably a big part of the issue.
There are NO other women, at least at my level, in my office. A couple of junior associates - none of whom have families - and that's it. It's rare that I'm even on a conference call that includes another female. The men around here try, I really think they do - but they all have very different mindsets (not to mention stay-at-home wives)...so it's difficult. And, of course, I also *don't* want special treatment to the extent that I can avoid it. I'm an M&A attorney. That's a really freaking demanding job and it's not something you can pvssyfoot around as far as hours go. So I need to do some thinking about the long run...but in the meantime, short of what I've already done (arrange for the telecommute, get a lock on my door for pumping and switch to a freaking AMAZING secretary), there's not much else that can change.
lovelylittleworld
BFP#2 1/12/12 ~ Missed M/C 8w2d
The bar isn't much of an issue - I've got 6+ years under NY (plus a few years under VA), so I'd be eligible for MD's "attorney's bar" - a million times easier than a regular exam. Issue is that there's limited M&A work outside of DC/NoVA in this area and to be honest the thought of starting over at another firm in big law is totally exhausting. Devil you know is better than the devil you don't, you know? Seems better at this point to wait until DH is gainfully employed and then sit down and look at what makes sense from there on out.
lovelylittleworld
BFP#2 1/12/12 ~ Missed M/C 8w2d
I totally understand!
I'm not 100% happy with my job but with 11 years under my belt, flexible hours and an understanding boss it doesn't make sense to move right now.
I have been flirting with the idea of going to law school for years now. I didn't have the necessary self confidence to take the LSAT when I was fresh out of college and I have regretted that decision for a very long time!
If we decide that DD is going to be our "one and done," once DH finishes Grad School I am going to apply. Baby number 2 may well be my JD. I still feel the urge to prove to myself that I can do it.
Sweet!! Law school was fabulous. If you need anything along the way you know where to find me.
lovelylittleworld
BFP#2 1/12/12 ~ Missed M/C 8w2d
I almost applied a couple years ago and my biggest stumbling block was the essay on why I wanted to go to law school and what I wanted to "do" with the degree.
I know it sounds completely ridiculous, but I didn't think that, I need to prove to my self that, "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me."
Stuart Smalley (SNL) reference intended.
A couple years ago JHU's School of Advanced International Studies offered a class called, "Pathologies of Modern Government: How Good Government's Go Bad." If I hadn't been very ill and in the middle of a divorce at the time I would have paid double the state tuition to just sit in on that class.
I can imagine your pain.
Coincidentally, I was talking to a friend today, who is also an attorney, and she said her dream of having family was the main reason she took a job with the Federal Government. She raised the same points you do -- no mommies among partners, crazy hours, huge amounts of work and lots of stress.
I am not an attorney but have had my share of stress full jobs -- I work in Communications -- and have to say that finding the perfect fit (interesting job, understanding boss, good environment and decent commute) makes a huge difference.
Best of luck to you! You are doing great and I am sure your LO will be very proud of you when he is old enough.