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Daycare potty training nightmare!
Hello all, My daughter is 23 months, and she and I recently moved to another state to be with my husband who is in the military. We are living in an on-base house, and she is going to the daycare on base. She has had a lot of new things thrown at her in the past few weeks, a new house, a new room all to herself, her daddy is home every night, and she even has a new dog. Add a new daycare on top of that and I know I'm in for a few fits. She has been going through the beginning stages of potty training, she would wear pull-ups and tell me when she needed to go "poop". She didn't always tell me, but she was vocalizing. When she started this new daycare they told me that their policy is that pull-ups are not allowed. You must drop your toddler off with extra clothes and extra underwear. They put them on the toilet every 15 minutes, and it's basically "sink or swim" (their words, not mine). Since she started last Monday, my daughter has ceased to vocalize when she needs to potty; she has had numerous accidents, and she screams when I even mention the potty. Saturday I tried to follow their rules, since she is my first child, and I've never done this before, I thought I'd give it a try. She had six pee accidents, two poo accidents, and at one point we both had to get a shower because she peed on me. She would sit on the toilet for 15 minutes, and then get down and pee on herself. To me that shows that she's not ready for this, or that we need to try a different method. Saturday evening and Sunday I put her back in her pull-ups, and by Sunday evening she was beginning to vocalize again. This morning when I dropped her off at daycare I talked to the supervisor, and after expressing my concerns, the woman told me, "Well that's our policy, but we can put her back in diapers." Why would you be willing to put an almost-two year old back in diapers, but not pull-ups? Does that make sense to anyone? Am I over-reacting? I truly don't think their "sink or swim, pee on yourself or in the toilet" methods are right for my daughter, but they are not willing to work with me. What should I do? As of right now, I'm unemployed, but I put her in daycare so I could job hunt. I'm thinking about pulling her out and staying home with her instead, but I'm going back to school for the summer semester, so I'd have to put her back in then. I don't know if I should let her adjust to their methods, or if that would be detrimental to her well-being. Any help would be immensely appreciated!
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Re: Daycare potty training nightmare!
I worked with toddlers and special needs kids in a CDC as a room supervisor up until a few months ago. The rules for potty-training were very strict and they were universal to all centers. It should be child-led and not forced (every 15 minutes seems a little excessive). We discouraged pull-ups simply because of the expense to the parents and the fact that the child quickly learns it's just like a diaper, but there was no rule against them, and we had parents leave about 5 extras sets of clothes for accidents that would happen.
When you say you spoke to the supervisor, would that be the room supervisor, or the center supervisor? There should be a person there call a "trainer" or a "training and curriculum specialist" who would be able to give you more information and potty-training methods and center rules.
The supervisor I spoke to is in charge of the "pre-toddler/toddler" classes. She's not in the room on a daily basis, but she is directly over the teachers. I have a handbook that explains the training methods, but as it states "we will not force a child to train until they show that they are ready".
If my daughter is screaming at the word "potty", but asking to "poop" at home, maybe she is ready, but not for their methods.
When I asked the supervisor why they don't accept pull-ups I was simply told, "it's our policy" so thank you for clearing that part up for me.
I don't want to seem pushy or over-bearing, but I truly believe that not all kids learn the same, so why make a policy that is meant to encompass every child that walks through those doors without leaving any room for flexibility?
We're in the Navy.
I went back yesterday to find my daughter happily playing, with the first smile I had ever seen while she was at that daycare. Then I found out why. They had gone ahead and put her back in diapers (without my knowledge or consent) and stopped taking her to the potty all together. I'm glad she had a better day, but once again they didn't listen to my opinion as her mother, so I put in her two-week notice, and I'll be staying home with her starting on the first. Thank you for all of you advice, but maybe now just isn't the right time for her. She has gone through a lot of changes lately, and although it would be better financially if I could find a job and she could go to daycare, I think it's just not worth all the issues it's raised.
On the home front she is doing great with potty training. I have a potty chart set up in her bathroom for her, and she gets a sticker every time she goes on the potty. So far she has gotten three stickers in the past three days, so I think I'll stick to my methods.
Thanks again for all of your support.
I would be pulling her from that daycare in a hot minute, so I'm glad to hear that that's exactly what you decided to do.