Extended BF stigma

cstyles

OK, I'll ty to make this short as possible...

I want to nurse until Coop is ready to wean, be that 12 months, 18 months, or gasp 24 months.  My only barrier is NO ONE supports this decision.  If I hear one more time that once he can unbutton my shirt, has teeth, can walk, blah blah blah, he shouldn't be nursing i'm going to scream.  If the people making the comments were strangers or friends would be one thing...but no, these are the comments from my husband, mother, sister, those closest to me. 

I know he is only 6 months old now, but I was trying to prevent a battle when the time came.  When I started nursing I did it solely b/c it was what was best for him, somewhere around 3 months it actually became something I enjoyed doing and I now love the cuddle/bonding time with him.  I'm in no hurry to end this relationship, so why is everyone else?

From day one my mom has been "threatened" (not sure that's the right word) by my nursing.  All her other grandchildren have adored her and I think she saw my BF as preventing her relationship with Coop since he is extremely attached to me and doesn't take bottle (=can't spend long time alone with grandma).  My mom tried nursing all of us, but only made 7 months with my sister and 8 weeks with me and my other sister.  I think she regrets she missed out on this oppurtunity.

Okay....now back to the topic at hand.  Any suggestions for helping those most important to you understand why extended breast feeding is important.  If I didn't feel like I needed their support I would say screw it, none of your business...but I kind of need DH to agree, don't i?

 

Cassian

I just tell people that the WHO recommends that babies should get the majority of their nutrition from breatmilk for the first 12 months and they recommend breastfeeding for 2 years. When your reason is based in fact, people have less of an argument.

elf*jar

Cassian:

I just tell people that the WHO recommends that babies should get the majority of their nutrition from breatmilk for the first 12 months and they recommend breastfeeding for 2 years. When your reason is based in fact, people have less of an argument.

This is what I always said; Wylee self weaned two weeks ago at 19 months.

wheelsonthebus

I also received many comments like this from those very close to me...including DH. I kept giving them the facts as to WHY I was doing and why they should agree with me. I came to realize that I was never going to convince them. It's like arguing politics and religion. They were raised with these ideas. I decided I was going to nurse for DS and for me and that's it. The best way to educate someone is by modeling the good behaivor! :-) That being said, I have been slowly weaning DS the last couple of months. We nurse once a day and it's working for us. My husband has been nagging me just to cut him off and I tell him that this particular parenting issue is between DS and me.

weheartsofie

cstyles:

From day one my mom has been "threatened" (not sure that's the right word) by my nursing.  All her other grandchildren have adored her and I think she saw my BF as preventing her relationship with Coop since he is extremely attached to me and doesn't take bottle (=can't spend long time alone with grandma).  My mom tried nursing all of us, but only made 7 months with my sister and 8 weeks with me and my other sister.  I think she regrets she missed out on this oppurtunity.

 

I think you're being as judgmental as she is by saying "that she ONLY made it 7mo.."

I'm sorry that you don't have the support of your husband.  I think if you stand your ground and explain how important this is to you, he'll come around.  If not, I'd probably say screw it and continue anyway.  As for everyone else, you really don't need to make them understand why it's important.  It's your baby, your body and your decision. 

Harper'smom

In our case we have been going so long that no one cares to ask because the answer is always the same. The shock has worn off. You can always point them to the AAP guidelines that say nursing into the 3rd & 4th year doesn't cause any problems.

jen5-03

I think some people imagine a kid who looks like a 5yo when they say a kid who can walk or talk or have teeth, etc. A lot of people and especially men dont have a good grasp on how much of a baby a 12mo-18mo old "kid" is. When you get there and see how babyish the baby still is, it might be easier. I know it was for me. I never thought I'd nurse past 12mo but they are still little babies and it didn't bother me at all to keep going then. I weaned dd at 17mo but only to get pg again not because i really wanted to stop bfing.

sweetfern

Early on, my H asked me how long I was planning to nurse DD, he was just curious what I had in mind.  I really went into it with no clear plan.  I knew we wanted to make one year, but I started by saying at least six months because I had no idea what was realistic.  I'm fairly certain we both came to the conclusion that we weren't comfortable going much past a year.  One year came and went and it was clear to all of us that nursing, whether it be the relationship or the milk itself, was way too important and meant too much to DD to stop.  H saw this just as much as I did.  DD is still nursing 1-3x a day and 1-2x a night and (gasp!) tandem breastfeeding doesn't look like it is out of the realm of possibility.

It may take some time, but your H may too see just how important nursing is to LO and realize that it isn't so unimportant that you can just stop at a magical number.  The most important thing is to make sure you have an open dialog with him about it.  I'm only mentioning your H, because he is the only one who matters imo.  As far as everyone else, well, its not their child.

LurkieLoo

My husband was very supportive and still is in the area of BFing.  He does need facts and figures for most other parenting decisions though.  He LOVES to see studies that "prove" the way we are raising our son is positive.  Maybe you can show him studies about how babies who are breastfed are smarter and the longer they are breastfed, the higher their IQ scores.  Or maybe a study that shows how obesity rates are lower for breastfed children and again I believe that the longer they are breastfed, the less of a chance they have of breastfeeding.

 

BelhurstBride

1) I'd stop mentioning it. DH was weirded out by extended BFing as well, but the closer we get to 1 year the less he's weirded out. This year has flown by and it's difficult for either of us to see her as anything other than a baby. Hopefully as your LO nears a year your DH will get more comfortable with the idea.

2) Your LO could be extremely attached whether he BFs or not. IMO it's a personality trait, not a feeding trait. 

As for support, tell them that. Explain all of the benefits and that you've made this decision based on research that states that it's the best thing for you child. Ask your husband (and mother) why they have such a problem with you doing the best thing for your child. Weirded out or not that DD can ask for milk, DH can at least admit that it's clearly the best thing for her. I'd make it a conversation and find out their fears and concerns and what you can do to address them.

erinkate23

I think you play it by ear.  You don't know when your son (or you) will want to wean, and it's very difficult to make decisions (or make others appreciate your decisions) so far in advance.  Keep breastfeeding as long as it works for you and your son.  If you start to get flack, just say that you'll wean when you're ready.

iris427

I think one of the things that has made my husband so supportive as he's seen how good nursing is for our child as she's gotten older and how it has helped with parenting.  For example, when she would get boo-boos or get upset about things, nursing would comfort her.  It made it easier to get her to bed at night, to take naps, etc. In general it made things a lot easier for me--and for him.  

Angela814

Ah... I kind of tell DH to screw it. He's been unsupportive lately of me nursing DD2 in public. I tell him that he can go somewhere else. He asks if I'm going to nurse DD2 as long as DD1. (We went to just over 3 years.) I can tell he doesn't like the idea, but I think he forgets that it's not really any extra work for him.

Tell your mom that when your DS gets older, he's going to pick her whether you're still nursing or not. Once DD1 was closer to 1 1/2-2 yrs, whenever my sister was over, I got pushed to second best. When my mom was over, I was second best again. The only time she'd pick me first was at bedtime. Her relationship with him won't be threatened by your bfing relationship.

Jennicap

I would work on DH he's what matters most. Go on WHOs website and share some links about extended BFing. Luckily the other person that seems to be bothered iwth my BFing DS after he got teeth is my MIL and honestly we have such a crappy relationship and I barely ever see her so it doesn't bother me.

rianals

In addition to all of the health benefits and WHO recommendations, I think it is important to point out the comfort benefits of BFing and extended BFing.  DD turned into a toddler (fully embracing the "terrible twos,") seemingly overnight.  For a week, the only time I wasn't tearing my hair out was when she was asleep or nursing.  Without BFing, I just might have run away from home, leaving DD with DH.  He really appreciated the wonders of the boob (even if he didn't know it!)

kdiaisfly

DH definitely needs to be on the same page. My SO says that we can stop at 1 (just passed that mark) but he's not discouraging me nursing longer. I would feel uncomfortable if he wasn't on the same page with me. If I were you I would present the facts on why extended breastfeeding is good and tell your hubby that you really need his support

I stopped caring what anyone else besides him thinks. I had to "snap" on my friend the other day bc she said "he is a grown man, he needs to stop sucking on your titty!" Seriously!!? I was so livid! First off, you sound so disgusting and secondly (and I told her this) do your research and then tell me what I'M doing is wrong! Haven't heard anything else from her!

 

Good luck and just remember, the BREAST IS BEST!!!!