Would you say something? or should I mind my own business?

flippy1234

My 22 yr old niece has a 3.5 month old LO. Her LO is very tiny, still not over 10lbs I don't think (6.5 at birth). She was breastfeeding, but she was also on the depo shot, and her Dr never warned her it would mess w/ her supply. She just switched over to formula maybe 1.5-2 weeks ago because her LO wasn't gaining weight. (because her supply tanked, because of the shot). She was VERY upset over this, and I wish I had thought to ask her about birth control, I kept giving her all these tips to up her supply but of course it didn't work.

Anyways, we were at my nephews birthday dinner last night and I mentioned how we had just started solids this week w/ my LO and she was like oh yea Ariana is already eating... things like bananas, potatoes and about 10 other things. She said she was so hungry that formula wasn't enough. Her LO has also had reflux issues since she was born and was literally crying almost the whole time we were there. Oh, and the worst part, when it came time for cake (oreo blizzard cake from DQ, YUM) she gave her 3.5 month old oreo ice cream cake. Am I the only one who thinks this is nuts? I wouldn't even give my 6 month old a taste of ice cream cake (although I did let her chew on my pizza crust) DH keeps telling me to leave it alone and that its none of my business(my niece is DHs sisters oldest kid) I just feel bad for her LO and I feel like she doesn't know any better. I guess I'm more worried that she thinks food is going to help LO gain weight more than formula will.  

someflower6

i'm sorry for your niece. that's so disapointing that she can't bf and LO is having reflux and weight gaining issues. ugh.

i would just offer her whatever support she needed. if she wanted someone to talk to, i'd talk to her. if she wanted someone to go to the pediatricians with her, i'd go (provided i could go). if she wanted someone to bounce ideas off of, i'd be there for her. do you know if the pedi is aware of the solids? 3.5 months isn't RIDICULOUSLY early, especially if LO is having major reflux issues (then again, i'm not a pedi so i really don't know the medical opinion on this-- i have just heard of reflux babies starting solids a bit earlier). as far as the cake thing, i don't know how much she was giving the kid but i have definitely let LO have a taste of (like, a lick off my finger) of sweets, so i wouldn't say anything about that.

i don't know your niece, but i know that as a new mom with my own concerns about my LO's eating and reflux issues (she had some, but it doesn't sound as severe as this case), i was so scared and nervous about everything regarding my LO. if you do talk to her, try to be as helpful and judgement free as possible. offer your help if she says she's open to it, but if she is absolutely hell-bent on doing things her way, for whatever reason, then respect that and discretely butt out.

StrawberryAlarmClock

At that age, they have well baby visits virtually every other month. I think there's a 4 mo visit, right? The pedi will, no doubt, ask about eating and check LO's weight, etc.  I wouldn't offer advice outright, especially if you waited until 6mo to start solids. If she is not of that "camp" she may think you are extreme and then tune out whatever you have to say.  Since she's doing formula, if you get those Gerber coupons packs in the mail, you could give her yours. Point out to her that they have a handly little guide in them about foods just as an FYI. Or, maybe you could say something off-hand like, "It really doesn't seem like a bottle would fill them up.  It's so amazing that that's all they need for the first year, isn't it?!"I don't know. I definitely wouldn't critique her unless she asks for advice.  It's possible that the pedi told her to introduce rice cereal for the reflux and she took that as the go-ahead to start all solids. 

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StrawberryAlarmClock:

At that age, they have well baby visits virtually every other month. I think there's a 4 mo visit, right? The pedi will, no doubt, ask about eating and check LO's weight, etc.  I wouldn't offer advice outright, especially if you waited until 6mo to start solids. If she is not of that "camp" she may think you are extreme and then tune out whatever you have to say.  Since she's doing formula, if you get those Gerber coupons packs in the mail, you could give her yours. Point out to her that they have a handly little guide in them about foods just as an FYI. Or, maybe you could say something off-hand like, "It really doesn't seem like a bottle would fill them up.  It's so amazing that that's all they need for the first year, isn't it?!"I don't know. I definitely wouldn't critique her unless she asks for advice.  It's possible that the pedi told her to introduce rice cereal for the reflux and she took that as the go-ahead to start all solids. 

I wouldn't say the above.  That's pretty passive aggressive.

Either really say something (what you mean) or don't say anything at all.  I lean toward not saying anything at all, because you don't know what she has or hasn't discussed with her pediatrician and I think no matter what you say, it'll look like you're passing judgment.

I would however be super supportive of her having to FF...it sounds like she really wanted to BF and is disappointed.

StrawberryAlarmClock

MrsB2007:

StrawberryAlarmClock:

At that age, they have well baby visits virtually every other month. I think there's a 4 mo visit, right? The pedi will, no doubt, ask about eating and check LO's weight, etc.  I wouldn't offer advice outright, especially if you waited until 6mo to start solids. If she is not of that "camp" she may think you are extreme and then tune out whatever you have to say.  Since she's doing formula, if you get those Gerber coupons packs in the mail, you could give her yours. Point out to her that they have a handly little guide in them about foods just as an FYI. Or, maybe you could say something off-hand like, "It really doesn't seem like a bottle would fill them up.  It's so amazing that that's all they need for the first year, isn't it?!"I don't know. I definitely wouldn't critique her unless she asks for advice.  It's possible that the pedi told her to introduce rice cereal for the reflux and she took that as the go-ahead to start all solids. 

I wouldn't say the above.  That's pretty passive aggressive.

Either really say something (what you mean) or don't say anything at all.  I lean toward not saying anything at all, because you don't know what she has or hasn't discussed with her pediatrician and I think no matter what you say, it'll look like you're passing judgment.

I would however be super supportive of her having to FF...it sounds like she really wanted to BF and is disappointed.

See, this is what's good about a public message board.  Having read Mrs. B's post, I'd have to agree. In retrospect, that is passive aggressive.  Always good to have hundreds of editors out there.

Quazel

The only thing I can think of is to ask how things went after her 4 month appointment.  Certainly offer to go if you think that would be acceptable to her but if not, call afterward.  Mention you know how concerned they were about the reflux and ask if the doctor had anything helpful to say.  And you could ask how the pedi felt solids were going.  I know a lot of AR babies go on small amounts of solids earlier.  You could even ask if her office has a print out for starting solids.  Ours does, if your does and hers doesn't, maybe you could offer it to her.  Ours talks about different ages and stages and when to introduce each thing.

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SAC - not an attack on you at all!  Hope you know that. 

BelhurstBride

Since it's DH's family I personally wouldn't say anything.

If she asks for advice or your opinion then I would try to help her out, but otherwise I'd leave it alone. 

flippy1234

Thanks for all your responses, its nice to be able to bounce things off of people I'm probably not going to say anything specifically, just offer support if she asks/needs it. 

 

StrawberryAlarmClock

MrsB2007:

SAC - not an attack on you at all!  Hope you know that. 

Didn't take it that way at all, Mrs. B