Please Help - long

sarad127

Hi ladies I am hoping you all could help me out in a difficult situation that DH and I are dealing with.

DH has a 9yo son from a previous relationship whom we have joint custody of. Time is split during the week and every other weekend. Bio mom is far more interested in her current bf than spending quality time with son and spends most school days and weekends driving the 1.5 hours to his home and back with my SS stuck along for the ride. This has been going on for years and there is never any change on bio mom's part. SS is diagnosed with learning disabilities and struggles in school, which doesn't help that bio mom refuses to assist him with any homework so it doesn't get done at her house ever! Here is our current issue - SS is expressing an interest in playing sports that we have supported and encouraged - we discussed with bio mom how we thought he should have something to be successful at outside of the frustrations of school. bio mom agreed and then told SS that if he played she would never get to see him (completely untrue) now SS is refusing to do any extracurricular activity and DH and I are at a loss for what to do. We know how important it is for SS to feel successful about something and now we need to know how to get him involved in something/anything!! He have already tried 6 different sports and 2 alternative activities which went well for a 3-4 weeks until bio mom refused to take him any more and he ended up being kicked off of teams for absences.

Sorry about the long post I just need help figuring out how to get SS what he needs developmentally! Any advice would help - just please don't suggest court again - we spent 3 years there and still nothing changed!

 

DandelionMom

Maybe look around for some sports camps that fall during your time with him?  I know we have weekend clinics for all the sports offered through our community ed and school district. 

For the homework, maybe check to see if his school has in-house tutoring.  Ours offers a "sucess center" before and after school and during lunch time. 

My kids don't do sports during the school year.  Sports seem to take up a lot of time so we save those for summer.  Maybe his mom would agree to a sports day camp during spring break or summer break or maybe you can do it on your time. 

ETA: Since it sounds like he spends a lot of time in the car, maybe flash cards would help?  The Target dollar section often has addition, subtraction, and multiplication flash cards.  And you can help him make his own for his spelling words. 

littlemermaid

Any chance you or your husband can take him to practices even on the days that bio mom has him?  Also maybe his father should look into getting full custody.

pinktulips

I don't have much in the way of advice, but I do suggest that you document everything. Any missed homework assignments that should have happened on her time, missed practices, etc. That way, if you do try the court route again, you can at least have some proof of her disinterest.

Is there a parenting plan that you can have altered without going to court? Maybe have it changed to add in that you will provide all transportation to practices/games, and she has to make sure he is available for you to pick up?

QTee

If you split the week, do you have him on the same days every week? If so, sign him up for a class that's every Wednesday (for example). Like martial arts, tennis, gymnastics, indoor rock climbing, etc. Something like tennis is great because then you can learn too and play anytime. I guess you have to avoid team sports because you can't gaurantee he would make the games. Think of activities that you can make work without the commitment from the other parent.