Letting him cry for a few minutes.... with soothing in between?

Julias Table

LO is 3 months old. He does not sleep well at all.

He doesnt nap during the day, maybe a few 20 minute spurts here and there, never totaling more than one hour a day. I am ok with this (lack of naps)because he doesnt seem tired or fussy.

We also dont follow a schedule. I let him nurse on demand and never try and force naps.

My main concern is night time. He is up all night long in addition to not sleeping during the day.    He will only sleep longer than two hours at a time at night if he is sleeping on my chest in bed, which I think is dangerous.  I started adding up his sleep, and with barely no naps, and up and down all night, he is getting maybe 8 hours sleep in a 24 hours period, which worries me.

I have tried everything ..... We have rocked him, music, sound machine, glow lights, different temperatures, sleeping in the swing, sleeping in the crib, sleeping in bassinet, sleeping in the bouncy seat, heating pad on matress before removing it to put him down, the No Cry Sleep Book, sitting next to him at the crib to soothe and pat him while he is in the crib, putting him down awake, putting him down drowsy, putting him down sound alseep, and more.

So, today...He nursed and had a nice full belly, a fresh daiper and warm PJs and I put him down and let him cry for 4 minutes ( it was awful).  I then picked him up and quieted him and put him back down in crib. He cried again for 4 minutes. i pciked him up quieted him and then  put him back down. He cried again, but this time only for 2 minutes and then went to sleep for a nap. A real nap!

For bedtime tonight I did the same thing of picking him up after he cried for 4 or 5 minutes. But it took 6 times of repeating this before he finally fell alseep!  Also..the whole time he is crying, he is usually rubbing his eyes and to me, looking like he is fighting sleep.

He has been down now for more than 2 hours (bedtime) now and I am thinking this may be working!

But i feel awful!!!    Is he too young for this?

I am so desperate for him to get sleep. I feel like his lack of sleep is hurting his health/growth and felt I needed to do this to get him to sleep. 

What do you think?

juliane2004

Try my suggestions in my posts, linked in my siggy. Specifically, put him awake in his crib but after a certain length of awake time, to help that he's not overtired.

sparklesbrooks

I think that sounds fine. You aren't really letting him CIO sense you are there comforting him when he cries and its only for a short while. I hope it sticks for you.

lebennett

What you are doing sounds fine, but he really should nap.  Sleep begets sleep.  So chances are if he naps regularly during the day then he will sleep better at night even if naps are 30 minutes or so.

mavs_girl07

Honestly if I were in your shoes I'd be doing the same thing.  8hrs total in 24hrs just doesn't sound healthy, and I would think that requires some action.  And it's not like you're leaving him to cry until he exhausts himself, or even leaving him for really long periods.  I think what you're doing at his age is perfectly fine, especially considering how little sleep he's getting.  GL!  I hope you continue to see results!

That.Just.Happened

juliane2004:

Try my suggestions in my posts, linked in my siggy. Specifically, put him awake in his crib but after a certain length of awake time, to help that he's not overtired.

This. He sounds horribly overtired, which is likely leading to the difficulty napping/sleeping, which is just making him more overtired.  It's a vicious cycle, and you may need to take the next few days and just do whatever it takes to get him caught up on sleep.  If that means him sleeping on you or in bed with you or whatever, do it. Once he is caught up on sleep (it will probably take a few days) then you can start being really diligent about creating a routine and paying attention to his awake time.

I typically put E down for a nap after about 60 minutes of awake time (that is usually when she starts giving me some sleep cues) but never longer than 90 minutes, regardless of if she gives me any cues.  We started that at 2.5 months and it has made a world of difference.  I also started swaddling her and putting her in her crib for naps at the same time, which I think also really helped. 

I do let her fuss.  I will let her fuss for 10-15 minutes before going in there.  Now if she starts to really cry, I will let her for a few minutes like what you are doing, then go in and soothe, try again, etc. until she is asleep. So it isn't true CIO.  

Also, we follow the EASY plan, but I have found that the best way to get her down for her nap (and to get a good, long nap out of her) is to nurse her if she starts to really fight it.  I put her down initially and try to let her fall asleep on her own.  If she starts getting really upset and crying and my soothing doesn't help, I will nurse her and she will fall asleep.  That happens for probably 2 out of 3 of her naps, the rest (and always at bedtime) she will fall asleep on her own.

At this stage I think it is more important to get her to take good quality naps than worry about her learning to self-soothe, so I am fine with nursing her to sleep. In the next month or so I am probably going to try to phase that out.  The good news for us is that she goes down for bedtime at night drowsy-but-awake just fine, so I know she can do it.  She just fights the nap sometimes. And so to your question, yes, I guess I do "force" the nap. If I didn't, she would probably do exactly what your LO does, stay up all day with short little 20 minute cat-naps here and there.  I figure I am the mom, she is the baby, it is up to me to make the right choices for her.  

Good luck! 

juliane2004

That.Just.Happened:

juliane2004:

Try my suggestions in my posts, linked in my siggy. Specifically, put him awake in his crib but after a certain length of awake time, to help that he's not overtired.

This. He sounds horribly overtired, which is likely leading to the difficulty napping/sleeping, which is just making him more overtired.  It's a vicious cycle, and you may need to take the next few days and just do whatever it takes to get him caught up on sleep.  If that means him sleeping on you or in bed with you or whatever, do it. Once he is caught up on sleep (it will probably take a few days) then you can start being really diligent about creating a routine and paying attention to his awake time.

This sounds exactly true, that he's overtired. And after he catches up, then work on his awake time.

TJH, awesome job!!!

momofmanyinthemitten

lebennett:

What you are doing sounds fine, but he really should nap.  Sleep begets sleep.  So chances are if he naps regularly during the day then he will sleep better at night even if naps are 30 minutes or so.

This. LO sleeps better at night if she gets good naps during the day.

Julias Table

Thanks everyone!  This was so helpful!