Tell me about "don't offer, don't refuse"

two-pink-shoes

I'm not weaning now, but I probably will start when he turns 1 (which makes me a slacker on this board, but I have reasons).  I want it to be as gentle as possible and I don't mind if it takes a while.  Would this be a good method?  Currently he almost never asks to nurse (except at night)...I just do it at given times based on when he naps, etc.  I'm worried it could be sort of erratic and cause me some discomfort with engorgment.  

Anyone know anything useful?  I want to be prepared so I have a game plan. 

TabithaGoins

Maybe try night weaning first (not sure if he still nurses in the middle of the night or not) does he fall asleep without nursing?  And then from my understanding you just don't offer.  This sounds like it might work for you as he's not really asking for it now.  Another thing I've read is that you can start setting a time limit when they ask.  For instance I believe the book said like 10 secs nursing, etc.  But I think that was implying an older toddler/child nursing.  Sorry I'm not too much help (see siggy we're still going) but I think he might be on the way to weaning.  He doesn't ask for it all the time anymore and when he does he nurses for a couple seconds and then is off doing something else.

dottymobo

It wouldn't have helped in the least for us- it was right around 1yr that DS started to ask (sign) and most of the time since then he asks every 15 minutes or so at home and maybe every hour or so if we're out.   

cstyles

Hopefully ncbelle will respond, I read her blog post on it and it went really well for them.

Good luck! 

*don't cut yourself down for stopping at a year...that is a HUGE accomplishment!

two-pink-shoes

TabithaGoins:

Maybe try night weaning first (not sure if he still nurses in the middle of the night or not) does he fall asleep without nursing?  

Yeah, I am definitely going to do night-weaning first.  That will almost certainly be the worst part.  He will go to sleep without nursing.  Actually we broke him of the "must nurse to sleep habit" by waking him up when he would do so and reading to him, then soothing him to sleep (before naps and bedtime).  Now he expects a book before he goes to sleep,  So at least we won't need to deal with that association. 

ncbelle

I would definitely start with night weaning.  Then I think it would be easier on both of you if you worked on cutting out sessions individually.  I'd start with whatever he seems least interested in and don't offer then but nurse if he asks.  Then once he's "asking" less at that time, move on to the next.  You can also try offering other comforts (like a sippy and a snuggle) instead of going straight to nursing.

Callum was much older when we fully weaned and I'm pretty sure pregnancy had killed my supply at that point but even before that I never had engorgement issues as we cut back.  I think if you do it slowly enough, you should be fine even if there's no real schedule to your nursing.

Good luck!

WyoGal

I agree you shouldn't belittle the 1 year mark.  Congrats!  We weaned at 13-14 mos, it may have been sped along by my pregnancy but M nursed similar to your LO.  He was just never that into it.  I encouraged nightweaning about 13 mos and then for better or worse it was easy for me to get busy and forget to offer and he self-weaned. He never, ever asked/demanded to nurse but that could have been due to our erratic schedule so he didn't have a time when he "expected" it. 

For us, I think right after a year was a really easy time for him to self-wean because developmentally M was doing so much and so distracted but he hadn't really gotten into  the toddler "asking/demanding" things yet and his erratic schedule probably helped.   I wish he hadn't weaned so early and looking back I think if I had pushed the issue to 14-15 months he would have nursed well past two if his intense desires for his cup of milk are any indication.   

I didn't have any engorgement which may have been the pregnancy but also may have been because it was still fairly gradual as we reduced his time nursing.   Good luck and congrats on making it this far!

TabithaGoins

two-pink-shoes:

Yeah, I am definitely going to do night-weaning first.  That will almost certainly be the worst part.  He will go to sleep without nursing.  Actually we broke him of the "must nurse to sleep habit" by waking him up when he would do so and reading to him, then soothing him to sleep (before naps and bedtime).  Now he expects a book before he goes to sleep,  So at least we won't need to deal with that association. 

 

Love this idea of waking him up and reading to him.  We are having a really hard time night weaning and from weaning to sleep.  Thanks for this tip

anabell0920

I have heard Jay Gordens night weaning is a good softer approach that works maybe look into that? I agree you made it far and should be proud of yourself.

iris427

I'm going to copy what I wrote in the pregnancy and weaning post.  I felt like I was on more of a time crunch because I wanted her weaned a few months in advance of my new baby being born, so you can stretch things out more gradually if you want.  I didn't do all these things at once, it was more of a series of gradual steps.

To encourage weaning, I stopped offering and I started avoiding situations where she usually nursed.  For example, I would bring her to bed every morning and she would nurse there, so I stopped bringing her to my bed when she woke up and that eliminated the morning nursing session.  When she wanted to nurse, I would try to offer her a snack or a cup or distract her with something fun to do.  I also started cutting it short when she would nurse and telling her when she asked that it wasn't time to nurse.   She has fussed some but no more than she fusses if I tell her she can't have a cookie right now.