f/u to DH vent last week

Tiffany628

Hi ladies! My bump has been awful the past few days.  I tried doing this post before but I got a yellow screen with a session timeout. 

Many of you were very supportive with advice about my post about DH not helping me out much.  It meant a lot to me to have your support, I was really feeling down and out.  Doing mostly everything had made me feel more like a maid then a wife.  I do love my family and wanted to keep it together, but I don't want to be unhappy.  I understood at first he was physically unable to do things after his surgery, but lately he has been improving with being allowed to resume normal activities.  So Friday afternoon he approached me to talk about things.  I was really surprised and it showed me he was thinking about things at least.  He said rather then being passive about what I need help with tell him what to do.  When he looks at the house he thinks its clean so he isn't sure what exactly to clean/why it needs to be cleaned.  However, if it makes me happy, he's willing to do it even if he thinks it doesn't need to be done.  I tried to be optimistic about him starting to help again.  I was quite a bit skeptical because when I talked to him a few weeks prior nothing changed.

I'm happy to share since our 2nd talk, he has been helping with the baby and things around the house.  On Sat. night I even went out for dinner with a friend while he watched M!  I know it hasn't been long, but I'm hopeful he will continue to help out and we can become a team again like we use to be.  We have been dealing with so much over the past six months (his illness, new baby, financial issues due to medical bills), that we started to grow apart.   When he got sick, I had to do everything while he was recovering from surgery and beginning treatments.  I think we fell into a routine and it continued for some time after he was physically able to help again.  While things are not perfect or back to "normal," nor will they ever be because of his illness I hope we can define a new "normal" for us, our family, together.   

B2bFall2005

So glad to hear that 1) things are getting better, 2) HE approached you, and 3) you seem happier.

Best of luck.  Remember - a marriage is a partnership - its okayto lean on each other a little to get it all done. 

 

[Deleted User]

I'm glad things are going better for you guys!

jessrenee11

Im happy things are working out!

Tiffany628

stephyrey:

Glad to hear there is reason to be optimistic and that you got some time out with a friend. Good luck!

It was my first thing I've done for me since M was born and it was much needed! 

lrn327

This is so awesome to hear that things have improved.  Just a few little changes can make all the difference in the world.  My DH has gotten MUCH better about helping around the house but he also used to have the same thoughts on it that yours did.  He looked around and thought it was clean so didn't do anything.  When he realized how big of a deal it was to me though, he really started helping and it is sooo much better.  I wish you all the best!

lulu8109

I'm truly glad that your DH has come around.  I hope things continue to improve for you and your family.