Is this a recipe for disaster?

mzovoce

I've started watching my next door neighbor's 3 month old, she's a school teacher and we were going to share a nanny, then when I didn't go back to work she couldn't find a place that she really liked so I volunteered.

Anyway, I have in my care a 3 month and an almost 7 month old. Neither baby will go to sleep without being held. We are working on this, but in the mean time I'm trying to set a sleep schedule for them. They both sleep really well in the car. I was thinking every day for a week I would take them for a car ride and get them to sleep then we would just sit in the car while they slept. We had to be in the car for 2 hours yesterday and they both slept the WHOLE time. Then they were happy all afternoon. 

My thought is, if I can establish a routine of, 11am is sleep time, then I can stop doing it in the car. If you don't think that my plan will work, would you please offer a suggestion. Last week was BRUTAL on me and I can't do this if they don't sleep.

DCtoLowcountry

I have a few clarifying questions:

1) Is caring for your neighbor's 3 month old a short-term or a long-term gig for you?

2) Do you want to keep holding your LO to help him sleep or are you open to other sleep strategies for him?

In the short term, I'd suggest a swing/bouncy chair for the 3 month old or babywearing (DS hated the sling so perhaps others have more info) and thinking about other strategies for your 7 month old. I don't know if you can get them on the same schedule since DS was on EASY at 3 months (Baby Whisperer) and had 2 naps by 7 months (Ferber), but hopefully learning each of their schedules will help it be less brutal. GL!

mzovoce

It's short term, until she's done with school at the beginning of June. Brooks likes to be worn and will fall asleep in the carrier, Kendall (3mo) likes to be worn but seems to engaged to fall asleep, or she smells my milk, we don't know but she won't fall asleep in the moby, bjorn or ergo for me. We're working with Brooks to be more self soothing, but our bedroom is being remodeled so we're on two seperate floors now. Since this happened we've had some sleep regression. I'm hoping that will iron out when we're all back on the same floor.

WinesNotWhines

I'm guessing they need more than 1 nap a day, especially the three month old. How does the other baby's mom get him to sleep? Does she just hold him? M was like that for a while, but eventually we worked out a routine. He needs a pacifier in order to take naps. It's the only thing that works (other than holding him). Do either of them take a paci? M went on a paci strike from 2 months - 4 months old, but I managed to repacify him by offering one to him several times a day. Now he loves the thing. That's the only suggestion I have, because it's the only thing that works for me. I know his daycare also gives him a paci for naps.

mzovoce

laura_belle:

I am not a fan of setting a baby's schedule.  I am much more inclined to let a baby decide when they are hungry and sleepy.  I would ask the other mother for her preference.  I would not want you setting my child's schedule based on your convenience.  (I don't mean that snarky). 

 

I'm with you, under "normal" circumstances. Brooks and Kendall have both always nursed and slept on demand, but that wasn't working. They both nap around 11am on their own, that's where the other mom and I derived the unofficial, hopefully soon to be official nap time. Other than this scheduled occurence, everything else is on demand still.

mzovoce

gtown_bride:

I'm guessing they need more than 1 nap a day, especially the three month old. How does the other baby's mom get him to sleep? Does she just hold him? M was like that for a while, but eventually we worked out a routine. He needs a pacifier in order to take naps. It's the only thing that works (other than holding him). Do either of them take a paci? M went on a paci strike from 2 months - 4 months old, but I managed to repacify him by offering one to him several times a day. Now he loves the thing. That's the only suggestion I have, because it's the only thing that works for me. I know his daycare also gives him a paci for naps.

They both require pacifiers, as well as to be held and rocked to sleep. Not just rocked in a rocking bassinet or car seat either. The car seat and bassinet have worked once on each baby, so not enough to use it. I do try every day though, alternating between different apparatus to see if that day is the magic day that they fall asleep without being held.

tomandcourt

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but I think you and the other mom should be working on getting both babies able to sleep on their own at this point - for your sanity's sake, and if she ever moves him to another daycare she'll have to do it anyway.

And I agree with pp, they both should be having at least two naps a day at this point. I think babies that age are still supposed to be sleeping 3+ hours during the day.

At 3 months, maybe Kendall could be swaddled for sleeping? Might help. For Brooks, it might be a bit of a transition. Maybe holding/rocking until he's asleep, then moving to a crib? And slowly holding/rocking less until you can just put him down awake?

Sorry - I can't imagine trying to take care of two babies that age by myself, especially as the mom of one (it's not like they both go home somewhere else at the end of the day!). You are way braver than me.

kafunder

From the sounds of things, you're biggest issue is getting them to sleep at the same time. Whatever you do, I wouldn't start driving them around to get them to nap. That's just setting up bad sleep habits and sleep associations. It only takes a baby a few days to pick up a bad habit and for your LO to need to be driven around before every nap/sleep period.

I agree with PP that your best bet is for both you and the other mom need to work on getting the babies to sleep without needing to be rocked. You'll both be thankful when that habit is broken. For our LOs, I told everyone right from the start to not rock the babies to sleep except for a cuddle for a minute or two b/c I knew that no caregiver for the babies (whether it was me or our daycare provider) would be able to rock them both simultaneously. 

Also, can you try to stagger their naps a bit, so they both don't need to go down at the same exact time, so you can comfort them one at a time?

 

Sofka

I think the 3mo old still needs to be on a "never awake more than 2hrs" schedule while your DS can go longer b/w naps (but still needs 2, maybe 3 a day). It's great that they are on the same schedule for at least one nap a day but I think that's a lucky coincidence. I know my kids' schedules at 7mo old were not the same as at 3mo old.

plus, your DS is probably eating solids now too, which means he's eating or nursing pretty often.

I think you are doing your neighbor a great favor, don't think I could handle it

 

ch ch ch chia

I'd definitely try swaddling the little one.

Also, try putting them in the crib while they're drowsy, but not quite sleeping. 

eeclem

Yeah, that sounds crazy. I agree with pp - it sounds like at least one of you is going to have to do some sleep training (in whatever way works best with your parenting). I also agree that having one nap a day is probably  not going to cut it - especially for the 3 mo old. I think C was on 3 1 hr naps a day at that age.

Also, if you're going to such extremes just to avoid having one of them upset for a short period, I think you're going to have to get over that. At some point, probably once a day, you're going to be tending to one while the other needs something. At least that's been my experience when I've watched C & others and the impression I get from pretty much any mom of 2.

mzovoce

Thanks for all the input. The 3 month old is getting more naps than the one, but they are more cat naps, 20-30 minutes here and there. I'll just keep working something out and try to remember when they are crying that it's OK as long as they aren't in danger.

santo614

Do either of them use a swing? This was DS's cryptonite for sleep. We bought him both a papasan bouncer and swing, and they were amazing- only acceptable option to being held for sleep.

The hard honest answer is that they will fall asleep without being held eventually, but you may need to discuss with the other mom that that means a lot of tears. Sooner or later they both need to learn to sleep without being held- especially if her baby ends up in a daycare or other setting.