Planning to labor mostly at home? What are your ideas?

lilbit923

I have not confirmed a spot for my doula yet. I think I was still hoping for DH to advocate for me vs hiring a doula to help me. The more I talked to DH about it, I could tell his feelings were hurt. He felt like since he had gotten me pregnant that was all I needed him for and his input during the delivery wasn't wanted. He couldn't be more wrong. When I heard how he felt about it, I DO want his input, his support, him being right there with me to help me through this. Not saying hiring a doula would leave me with the feeling like I'm in this alone but knowing DH isn't for it, makes me change my mind.

He knows I'll be laboring at home for as long as I can stand it till we reach the 5-1-1 point. I've asked SIL if she could come over and help me labor but the nurse in her wants me to go to the hospital ASAP to get monitored. I'd rather not do that and avoid any needless interventions.

What methods are you using to labor a home? Watching TV? Walking around the block? Walking up and down the stairs? Taking a warm bath or shower? Baking? Sewing? What do you plan on doing to take your mind off the contractions?

Also, are you contacting your OB to let them know when it's started so he/she has an idea of when to possibly expect you in to the hospital?

chicsub

How was your labor the first time? 

We are getting a doula, but my DH is actually very happy about it after my long last labor and what we went through (nothing traumatic, but an extra hand that had been through it before would have been awesome). 

At this point I just plan on doing what we did last time, which was kind of ignore them as long as possible, get in the shower/tub, relax.  Not sure if we'll have the doula come to the house or just meet us at the hospital though.

We'll definitely call the midwife to let her know we're coming since there are only two alternative birth rooms with a tub for a waterbirth available. 

lilbit923

Both were 24 hours from the time I got to the hospital till they were delivered. Both were c-sections and I was having contractions. My son's labor was listed FTP due to my cervix not dilating past 3cm, no effacement and he was sideways. My daughter's labor was progressing just fine, we weren't in distress, her heartrate was fine, I was 100% effaced, she was at a 0 station and descending just fine. My OB wouldn't let m VBAC so the epi was given and my labor was stalled till she could get me to the OR.

I've expressed my desire for a VBAC and after presenting supporting documentation to prove my case she's supportive of it. This is where I am at a loss. I'd like to have the doula since that means someone who is unbiased looking out for me. My fear is DH won't be pleased when he sees me in pain (DUH) and wants to head to the hospital. I brought up to him the husband based approach of labor and maybe he will look more into that if he really wants to keep this labor just us and minimalize the amount of extra hands there.

swimming47

I labored at home until they were 1 minute long 5 minutes apart for an hour.  Did not contact my OB and was in bed or took a bath.  I should add that I went from a few contractions to 1-5-1 very quickly and only live about 10 minutes from the hospital.  I would have gone in a little earlier but I had to wait for MIL to get there for DD after actually convincing DH that I was in real labor.

sweetgirl82

My husband and I were actually discussing this topic over the weekend.  We have hired a doula and I would like to labor at home for a while, but my husband is very nervous about something (uterine rupture) going wrong while we are at home and wants to head to the hopsital as soon as I am in labor.

What I am hoping will happen is that I will start labor, call my doula/midwife, have the doula come over while husband drops off DS at a friends house, and once he returns we will go to the hospital.  That will give me a few hours to labor at home at least.  Use of the shower, music, tv, and various postions to stay comfortable are my plan for when I am at home.  Once we get to the hosptial I will most likely follow the lead of my doula and midwife.  I do know that they have wireless monitoring so I should be able to move about as desired.

MrsSage1979

With my first I had planned on laboring at home for as long as possible.  Since she was breech we had a scheduled c-section.  With my second baby, I was able to VBAC, and had tested positive for GBS.  My doctor said to report to the hospital once I had been in labor for 2 hours for monitoring. 

Instead, since it was 5 days before my due date I was in denial that I was actually in labor.  I paced around a lot or would get on my knees, I couldn't hardly stand to be still.  When we finally went to the hospital I was dillated to a 5 and delivered our baby 2 1/2 hours later.  I had labored at home for 8 hours! There wasn't enough time to get the full dose of antibiotics for the GBS, but everything went just fine. 

We didn't call the doctor, but did call the hospital so they could get a room ready.  For us, if you go into labor after office hours, you get the on call doctor. 

I couldn't imagine baking or sewing - lol!  I did try doing busy work hoping the contractions would stop, but that only lasted about an hour.  I didn't do a very good job of taking my mind off the contractions, I'm hoping to do better with this delivery.

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nosoup4u

With DS2, I  woke up with contractions on the day he was born, so I just did my usual stuff - housework, went to the grocery store, took care of DS1, took a shower. My earlier contractions were five minutes apart, and lasted for 30 seconds at a time. I labored for a good 12 hours before starting to push. If I had gone to the hospital in the morning, it would have been way too early (he was born at 6 pm). They picked up very suddenly, and my water broke around the same time - we live about ten minutes away from the hospital, and DH was able to get me there in about 30 minutes total? I showed up pushing, which is what I was hoping for.

 

Would your husband get on board with a doula if he met with one and was able to talk to her about what she does? I look at doulas as support for partners, also, bc they allow partners to take a break once in awhile. They also are more familiar with hospitals/birth interventions, so if talk of a c-section does come up again, you guys would have someone else who you could talk about it with. And our doula took a lot of pictures when DH and I were too busy to think of it, so that's a plus too, hee hee. 

lilbit923

nosoup4u:

With DS2, I  woke up with contractions on the day he was born, so I just did my usual stuff - housework, went to the grocery store, took care of DS1, took a shower. My earlier contractions were five minutes apart, and lasted for 30 seconds at a time. I labored for a good 12 hours before starting to push. If I had gone to the hospital in the morning, it would have been way too early (he was born at 6 pm). They picked up very suddenly, and my water broke around the same time - we live about ten minutes away from the hospital, and DH was able to get me there in about 30 minutes total? I showed up pushing, which is what I was hoping for.

 

Would your husband get on board with a doula if he met with one and was able to talk to her about what she does? I look at doulas as support for partners, also, bc they allow partners to take a break once in awhile. They also are more familiar with hospitals/birth interventions, so if talk of a c-section does come up again, you guys would have someone else who you could talk about it with. And our doula took a lot of pictures when DH and I were too busy to think of it, so that's a plus too, hee hee. 

DH doesn't agree with the idea of doulas/midwives. He sees them as "crunchy tree huggers". I don't absorb his view but I try to see where he might think that. Considering having babies isn't a man's job, I would hope he would back me up in what I'd like to have happened. But to DH, it's all about the end result. He doesn't see why having c-sections makes me feel subpar as a mom. He thinks I should just have the surgery again if that's what the OB wants to do. He doesn't see the surgery as a means of rushing a delivery or bringing a baby before baby is ready.

We tend to differ on views when it comes to this. He did say he'd meet with the doula. He also said that if she became a pain in the ass that he'd kick her out of the house. Ugh. Really DH? I'm not tying to replace him in the L&D room, I was trying to think of someone who could be hired to help us facilitate a safer delivery and a delivery I could be emotionally ok with.

ryemo

I think it's normal for dads to feel like they want to do it all for you, but unless you are having an unassisted birth, the fact is that there will be some strangers or nonfamily members at your birth. Particularly in a hospital. And they won't all want what you want. A doula will be your person, and I think you can sell her to your husband as the person who worries about everyhing else so he can take care of you. She isn't his replacement, she's his assistant.

nosoup4u

lilbit923:

We tend to differ on views when it comes to this. He did say he'd meet with the doula. He also said that if she became a pain in the ass that he'd kick her out of the house. Ugh. Really DH? I'm not tying to replace him in the L&D room, I was trying to think of someone who could be hired to help us facilitate a safer delivery and a delivery I could be emotionally ok with.

That has to be frustrating! But if he's at least willing to meet with one, maybe that would be enough to have him change his mind. Another thought - do you know anyone in real life who has used a doula? Maybe he could talk to their DH/partner and see how it was. I dunno, I think if you're planning a VBAC with the same OB who cramped your style last time (I think I have that right? Correct me if I'm wrong!), having a patient advocate to help you out  then and there can be a big help ((not that your DH can't help you out, but a doula is less emotionally invested, knows her way around a hospital, etc). Definitely keep playing up the "she's there to help YOU out, too" angle. Good luck!!

lilbit923

nosoup4u:

lilbit923:

We tend to differ on views when it comes to this. He did say he'd meet with the doula. He also said that if she became a pain in the ass that he'd kick her out of the house. Ugh. Really DH? I'm not tying to replace him in the L&D room, I was trying to think of someone who could be hired to help us facilitate a safer delivery and a delivery I could be emotionally ok with.

That has to be frustrating! But if he's at least willing to meet with one, maybe that would be enough to have him change his mind. Another thought - do you know anyone in real life who has used a doula? Maybe he could talk to their DH/partner and see how it was. I dunno, I think if you're planning a VBAC with the same OB who cramped your style last time (I think I have that right? Correct me if I'm wrong!), having a patient advocate to help you out  then and there can be a big help ((not that your DH can't help you out, but a doula is less emotionally invested, knows her way around a hospital, etc). Definitely keep playing up the "she's there to help YOU out, too" angle. Good luck!!

Yep, that's the one. The ladies on this board really gave me some great advice and websites to go to so I could state my case with her. It worked and she's agreed to let me labor at home till 5-1-1 and then come in while I am in active labor so hopefully it won't stall out.

I'd be fine if DH read up on the Bradley method to birthing, something to where I would have an advocate. I'm sure once the epi is in there will be a point where I might not be able to speak up for myself. I'd like someone to back me up. Ya know?

lorryfach

lilbit923:

But to DH, it's all about the end result. He doesn't see why having c-sections makes me feel subpar as a mom. He thinks I should just have the surgery again if that's what the OB wants to do.

?which is why you need a doula. He's an additional road block when you need someone on your side. You say you are willing to rethink getting a doula because of how it makes him feel, but he's not willing to set aside his own opinions and fight for you. And since you're the one actually going through labor and birth, you frankly matter more here.

My DH didn't really "get" everything, but he didn't need to. He knew where I stood and he backed me up. It doesn't sound like yours is going to be capable of that.