Oh, MIL

sanae78

We are visiting MIL for the first time. I guess she got excited about our visit because about a month ago she went out and bought a crib at a thrift store. B and I were both a little annoyed because we know she doesn't have a lot of money and we thought it was so unnecessary for just a few nights. I also remember thinking, "I hope it's not a drop side crib" though I don't know if I ever said it out loud. So we arrived tonight and guess what. It's a drop side! And as soon as I saw it I felt so uncomfortable because she is so sensitive and I know she means well. We immediately checked online to see if it was a recalled crib and it's not but I still don't want to use it because I just feel it's unsafe. Especially because it's used. We brought our pnp since we'llbe staying at a friend's house during this trip as well so we're gonna have her sleep in there, which was our plan before she went out and bought the crib in the first place. Am I being unreasonable? There is a reason they banned drop sided cribs altogether after all. MIL and her husband said it's totally fine but I feel bad. But I refuse to take any chance of her being hurt.

inamra

Hm, yeah I'd feel the same way--this is kinda a rough situation...

Do you guys have your own private guest room that you're staying in (with the crib inside)? If so, I don't think it would be dangerous per-se to have K in there for a bit while you guys are there supervising her. And then maybe have MIL come in, say night-night and then you guys can move her into her pnp later and then come tomorrow, let MIL know that she's just more comfortable sleeping in familiar places, like her own crib at home and the pnp because she's used to it...and then maybe B can suggest that they CL it and get at least some of the $ back from the purchase?

sanae78

Thanks, Hanyi. You're up late! Not that I'm surprised :P I totally can't hide anything with my face and as soon as I saw the crib I was kinda like "umm err hmm I dunno" and when I started looking online and found the story of how they're banned I made it clear I was not comfortable using it. So she knows and she says it's ok. I guess I just wanted reassurance that I'm not being crazy or paranoid about the safety of this crib.

inamra

sanae78:

Thanks, Hanyi. You're up late! Not that I'm surprised :P

LOL, it's because I'm a nightowl and I wake up late =P Did you see my poll below about sleeping in? I actually thought of you because I know you work night shifts so I thought you might be the only person that might sleep in later than me =P

Glad to hear MIL understood though Hope you guys have a good time visiting!

redshoegirl

Yeah, I'd probably feel the same about a thrift store crib. There's no problem buying one second hand as long as you get ALL the screws etc and it's never been recalled, but it's so easy to lose hardware that I wouldn't want to use one I hadn't personally selected and vetted.

I can't speak to the drop side issue since we have them and I'm not worried at all. *shrug* I've wondered before if the standards in Australia are different than the ones in the USA, because the drop sides here just don't seem to have the same issues and non-drop sides are pretty much impossible to find. We have a very basic model, and even with the mattress on the highest setting and the drop side on the lowest, there's a good 8" of space between the top rail and the mattress so they can't possibly get injured fingers or even arms if it suddenly fell. And the drop mechanism itself is made of solid steel parts (a steel post, a steel spring and a steel plate attached by steel screws) so I don't see how it could come apart, even if kicked really hard (I doubt *I* could break it with a kick) - I've read that the ones in the USA that have problems use plastic parts, so maybe that's the issue? Anyway, I know I went off on a loooong tangent there lol! It's just something I've been mulling over lately and I guess I'm just airing my thoughts. 

Suffice it to say, if it concerns you, I think you have every right to ask them not to use it. If you don't want to make a fuss over the used/drop side issue, I'd suggest the same thing that Hanyi said: just say that she's used to her pnp and will sleep better there. Do you visit MIL often? Is this likely to continue to be a problem in the future?

MrsZiz

redshoegirl:

Yeah, I'd probably feel the same about a thrift store crib. There's no problem buying one second hand as long as you get ALL the screws etc and it's never been recalled, but it's so easy to lose hardware that I wouldn't want to use one I hadn't personally selected and vetted.

I can't speak to the drop side issue since we have them and I'm not worried at all. *shrug* I've wondered before if the standards in Australia are different than the ones in the USA, because the drop sides here just don't seem to have the same issues and non-drop sides are pretty much impossible to find. We have a very basic model, and even with the mattress on the highest setting and the drop side on the lowest, there's a good 8" of space between the top rail and the mattress so they can't possibly get injured fingers or even arms if it suddenly fell. And the drop mechanism itself is made of solid steel parts (a steel post, a steel spring and a steel plate attached by steel screws) so I don't see how it could come apart, even if kicked really hard (I doubt *I* could break it with a kick) - I've read that the ones in the USA that have problems use plastic parts, so maybe that's the issue? Anyway, I know I went off on a loooong tangent there lol! It's just something I've been mulling over lately and I guess I'm just airing my thoughts. 

Suffice it to say, if it concerns you, I think you have every right to ask them not to use it. If you don't want to make a fuss over the used/drop side issue, I'd suggest the same thing that Hanyi said: just say that she's used to her pnp and will sleep better there. Do you visit MIL often? Is this likely to continue to be a problem in the future?

I wouldn't use a drop side in the US... MOST Of them have plastic parts here and are really poorly made. My sister had them with my nieces before the recalls started and she had many times when the side would just randomly fall even when she thought it was clicked in place. My niece could stand up and pull on it and BAM it would fall!! It was really scary! They eventually started co-sleeping because of the fear of what if and that was 7 yrs ago, WAY before the recalls/ban. I bet they are made better by you!!

I would just tell MIL that K is much more comfy sleeping in the PNP and you'd feel best having her sleep in a familiar environment in an attempt to not mess up her sleeping  

MrsNJSwimmer

I'd totally feel the same way.  She meant well, and I'm sure she didn't know, but I don't think you're out of line for feeling that way at all.

Married2MrWright

Oh...I am so sorry. I would do EXACTLY the same thing. Your MIL sounds like mine. She bought a PNP for her house (brand new, so like $150) that has never been used. We told her not to get it. She did because her house's carpet is like 30 years old and she didn't want Libby crawling around on it. Yeah right. So we just put a BIG blanket down and put Libby on that. We haven't been there since she's been cruising though. And since Libby has just started sleeping in her crib (as of 01/10) I could see her possibly napping in it in the future, but we have an ARCS that we can bring for that so I have NO idea why MIL felt compelled to purchase a new PNP. Oh well. She does stuff like that all the time, despite being on a fixed income of $700/mo. SSI.

SanHawaii08

MrsNJSwimmer:

I'd totally feel the same way.  She meant well, and I'm sure she didn't know, but I don't think you're out of line for feeling that way at all.

this.  I'm glad she's trying to be understanding, and I hope she's not hurt.  I'd maybe tell her how appreciative I am that she went out of her way to try to make our stay more comfortable, but in the future, it's really not necessary, Kaya is comfy in her pnp, we bring everything she likes/is familiar with, etc - so hopefully she doesn't spend $$ on something else unnecessary later!

sanae78

inamra:

sanae78:

Thanks, Hanyi. You're up late! Not that I'm surprised :P

LOL, it's because I'm a nightowl and I wake up late =P Did you see my poll below about sleeping in? I actually thought of you because I know you work night shifts so I thought you might be the only person that might sleep in later than me =P

Glad to hear MIL understood though Hope you guys have a good time visiting!

Heh. Yes. I think I voted. I'm still on nights so when I work I go to bed at like 9 or 10am and wake up at 4 or so. BUT Kaya has been waking up for the day at 6:30-7 so on my days off I'm up then. Boo. It's so hard and exhausting to keep flipping my schedule like that.

sanae78

Thanks ladies. We only visit once a year or so because she lives in Florida. And there's not much to do around where she lives. So really she bought the crib for us to use for a few nights. Why??? She could've bought a brand new pnp for less than she paid for that crib. I agree with Lisa about not trusting a used crib unless I put it together myself and saw the parts. MIL does mean well but she always does this kind of stuff. Like we tell her not to send us gifts and she does anyways. And a lot of times she buys stuff we won't use so we feel like it's a waste. Anything we need we can get ourselves. Just like this situation - anything we need we brought with us. Sigh. Anyways, I don't wanna feel bad about this anymore. It really comes down to Kaya's safety and she is safest in her pnp.

mrspresley

I don't think you're being unreasonable and hopefully she understands. but I agree that the excuse of "she sleeps better in something she is used to" is least likely to hurt her feelings

MauiWedding08

bummer, I would feel the same way.  I agree w/ you fully - Kaya's safety is your number one priority so you are not being unreasonable.  Sorry she did that!

Now, I can't wait to see pics of Kaya's b-day!!!  I'm sooooooooo excited to see how Jack likes Disneyland.  Are you going to be at a park for her actual b-day?  Did you plan anything special? 

sanae78

MauiWedding08:

bummer, I would feel the same way.  I agree w/ you fully - Kaya's safety is your number one priority so you are not being unreasonable.  Sorry she did that!

Now, I can't wait to see pics of Kaya's b-day!!!  I'm sooooooooo excited to see how Jack likes Disneyland.  Are you going to be at a park for her actual b-day?  Did you plan anything special? 

Yeah, we'll be at the Magic Kingdom and maybe hop to other parks. We're doing breakfast at Cinderella's Royal Table which is the character breakfast in the castle with the princesses. It'll just be us, B's mom and her husband, B's bro, and my friend and his gf. I kinda wish we were having a big party for her but this was much less stressful. We'll save the big celebrations for when she will actually enjoy and remember it I guess.

mrspresley

sanae78:

I kinda wish we were having a big party for her but this was much less stressful. We'll save the big celebrations for when she will actually enjoy and remember it I guess.

don't sweat it, seriously! I am soooooooooooo glad that we did not do anything big.  they enjoy it and have fun but seriously have no clue that something "special" is going on!

inamra

sanae78:

MauiWedding08:

bummer, I would feel the same way.  I agree w/ you fully - Kaya's safety is your number one priority so you are not being unreasonable.  Sorry she did that!

Now, I can't wait to see pics of Kaya's b-day!!!  I'm sooooooooo excited to see how Jack likes Disneyland.  Are you going to be at a park for her actual b-day?  Did you plan anything special? 

Yeah, we'll be at the Magic Kingdom and maybe hop to other parks. We're doing breakfast at Cinderella's Royal Table which is the character breakfast in the castle with the princesses. It'll just be us, B's mom and her husband, B's bro, and my friend and his gf. I kinda wish we were having a big party for her but this was much less stressful. We'll save the big celebrations for when she will actually enjoy and remember it I guess.

Actually this sounds like a pretty big celebration to me! Yeah, it's not a-ton-of-people big but definitely celebration big Can't wait to see pics too!

MauiWedding08

sanae78:

Yeah, we'll be at the Magic Kingdom and maybe hop to other parks. We're doing breakfast at Cinderella's Royal Table which is the character breakfast in the castle with the princesses. It'll just be us, B's mom and her husband, B's bro, and my friend and his gf. I kinda wish we were having a big party for her but this was much less stressful. We'll save the big celebrations for when she will actually enjoy and remember it I guess.

oh fun!  

we are having a character breakfast on his actual b-day too!  I'm nervous about him with the characters though.  He is always interested in the husky when we are at my college but I have never taken him up too close.  But then we were at Red Robin for dinner last week for a friend's bday and the red bird was walking around and scared the heck out of him.  He just about leaped out of his highchair and then buried his head in my shoulder and kept peeking out to see if it had come any closer.

There will be 10 of us at disneyland and I was hoping that would be it for parties b/c he doesn't need anything and he doesn't know what is going on.  But then I felt obligated to plan a small party b/c my grandparents wanted to see him eat cake and I didn't invite my real dad to disney and know he is bummed.  Argh.  too many to people to please.

inamra

MauiWedding08:

But then we were at Red Robin for dinner last week for a friend's bday and the red bird was walking around and scared the heck out of him.  He just about leaped out of his highchair and then buried his head in my shoulder and kept peeking out to see if it had come any closer.

Awwww! That sounds so cute =P FWIW, I think the Disney characters are less scary looking than a large red bird =P

Hope you guys have fun at Disneyland too

redshoegirl

MrsZiz:

I wouldn't use a drop side in the US... MOST Of them have plastic parts here and are really poorly made.

Oh wow! That's really terrible, I didn't know that. It sounds like the standards are (or were) COMPLETELY different there - if they were like that here, I don't think I'd use one either.

mrspresley:

sanae78:

I kinda wish we were having a big party for her but this was much less stressful. We'll save the big celebrations for when she will actually enjoy and remember it I guess.

don't sweat it, seriously! I am soooooooooooo glad that we did not do anything big.  they enjoy it and have fun but seriously have no clue that something "special" is going on!

+1! We're planning a small close friends and family only celebration. Elaborate first birthday parties are really for the parents - the kids don't remember or know what's going on anyway. We're just planning on having a BBQ and some cake lol!

 

SanHawaii08

MauiWedding08:

we are having a character breakfast on his actual b-day too!  I'm nervous about him with the characters though.  He is always interested in the husky when we are at my college but I have never taken him up too close.  But then we were at Red Robin for dinner last week for a friend's bday and the red bird was walking around and scared the heck out of him.  He just about leaped out of his highchair and then buried his head in my shoulder and kept peeking out to see if it had come any closer.

haha, how cute!  poor Jack.   there's a great picture of me sobbing into my dad's shoulder, while poor Goofy looks on.  and another one taken right afterwards where I'm sniffling as Snow White tries to console me.   hopefully Jack will enjoy the characters more than I did! 

I cannot *wait* to take E to disneyworld...