Yes, I deleted...

Tiffany628

I came back a little while after my post and re-read it and the comments.  I started to cry and looked down at M, in her bouncer, just staring up at me with her big blue eyes.  Then it made me cry even more.

As I re-read my post, I heard it was about me, not about M.  It should have been about her.  She's the most important thing in the whole wide world and her happiness is what matters most.  Looking at her, I have to do right by her.  So I am going to do my best to just kind of deal with things the way they are.  So when I'm feeling upset or frustrated, I'm going to drop whatever I'm doing and just go stare into those eyes.  I'm going to try and keep our family together because that's what best for M even if it's not perfect for me.

I appreciated all your comments.  Thanks ladies...at least I know there's good guys like my Daddy who help out.    I think I will have that glass of wine tonight...sounds just like what I need.  

 

 

 

jessrenee11

you didn't need to delete it

Tiffany628

I'm sorry...I thought I sounded terribly selfish throughout the whole thing and when I read it I was mad at myself after reading it. 

LiLnikkiMe

no worries!

jessrenee11

Tiffany628:

I'm sorry...I thought I sounded terribly selfish throughout the whole thing and when I read it I was mad at myself after reading it. 

I would just add an edit next time. DD's are frown apon because now no one knows what you are talking about. Plus everyone took the time to respone

Tiffany628

LiLnikkiMe:

no worries!

Thanks...I love you ladies.  I would miss you all too much but I will try to keep my venting to myself.   

keags5496

I have no idea what I missed  because I didn't see your original post, but like PP said...you def can't stay together just for a child.  They'll pick up on the unhappiness.  My DH and I have been to a marriage counselor before and they really do work wonders.  He was VERY reluctant to go at first, but once we went and he saw how much it helped he was actually into going.  I'd like to know how things go for you.  Keep us posted.

Gr8ful_m0m

flgirl79:

I am sad for you. Sad that you feel like you have to accept your situation and stay miserable. Your happiness matters. It matters to M. She deserves a happy mommy and, trust me, babies/kids can pick up on sadness. I speak from experience.

You are not being selfish for wanting to be in a relationship with a man who contributes to household chores and raising your child. HE is being the selfish one. 

wow- this exactly. You have a right to be happy too!!!

Tiffany628

I did really appreciate everyone's comments.  As I read it over, I kept hearing it was about me and felt really selfish for complaining.  I normally try to keep things to myself when things are bugging me.  I know the more I ask my H to help (to him, I'm sure it sounds like nagging/b!tching) the less he will be more willing to help.  I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about how I'm feeling.  I did try to talk to my mom back in summertime, but she felt that I just need to stop complaining and just do what needs to be done.  Right now, money is extremely tight due raised taxes and because of my maternity leave so even if he was willing to try counseling we can not afford it.  Maybe if I just give it some time, maybe he will think things over and try to be more helpful.  I didn't think to edit all the text out and have never deleted a post before, but never have written one like that either.  I really do apologize. 

cupcakes710

bonnyejean:

flgirl79:

I am sad for you. Sad that you feel like you have to accept your situation and stay miserable. Your happiness matters. It matters to M. She deserves a happy mommy and, trust me, babies/kids can pick up on sadness. I speak from experience.

You are not being selfish for wanting to be in a relationship with a man who contributes to household chores and raising your child. HE is being the selfish one. 

wow- this exactly. You have a right to be happy too!!!

 You didn't sound selfish AT ALL!!  Your h is being so unfair to you.  Don't settle for things the way they are; you'll be miserable!   

keags5496

Tiffany628:

I did really appreciate everyone's comments.  As I read it over, I kept hearing it was about me and felt really selfish for complaining.  I normally try to keep things to myself when things are bugging me.  I know the more I ask my H to help (to him, I'm sure it sounds like nagging/b!tching) the less he will be more willing to help.  I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about how I'm feeling.  I did try to talk to my mom back in summertime, but she felt that I just need to stop complaining and just do what needs to be done.  Right now, money is extremely tight due raised taxes and because of my maternity leave so even if he was willing to try counseling we can not afford it.  Maybe if I just give it some time, maybe he will think things over and try to be more helpful.  I didn't think to edit all the text out and have never deleted a post before, but never have written one like that either.  I really do apologize. 

Not sure if you're religious at all, but a lot of pastors/priests will do marriage counseling and no charge...maybe an option.

cupcakes710

ps i just noticed that you live in Chicago's suburbs.  so do i!  1ht

Tiffany628

JamieJensen710:

ps i just noticed that you live in Chicago's suburbs.  so do i!  1ht

We live in the southwest burbs...where are you at?

jessrenee11

Tiffany628:

I did really appreciate everyone's comments.  As I read it over, I kept hearing it was about me and felt really selfish for complaining.  I normally try to keep things to myself when things are bugging me.  I know the more I ask my H to help (to him, I'm sure it sounds like nagging/b!tching) the less he will be more willing to help.  I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about how I'm feeling.  I did try to talk to my mom back in summertime, but she felt that I just need to stop complaining and just do what needs to be done.  Right now, money is extremely tight due raised taxes and because of my maternity leave so even if he was willing to try counseling we can not afford it.  Maybe if I just give it some time, maybe he will think things over and try to be more helpful.  I didn't think to edit all the text out and have never deleted a post before, but never have written one like that either.  I really do apologize. 

It shouldn't matter if you nag, yell, scream or even ask nicely he needs to help because that is what he signed up for. Marriage is a partnership and when both partners aren't on the same page your bound for problems. I am sure there might even be some free counseling services in your area even if he won't go, go for yourself. I honestly believe people don't change unless they want too, but it sounds like to me he doesn't want too, so you need to do what is best for you and M. Life is to short to be unhappy.

tncomb00

I'm sorry you feel like this.  Flgirl said it really well.  Your happiness matters and it sounds like your H is being really selfish.  It's great that you want to make it work for your daughter, but you are going to get more and more resentful and I think that will make it worse.  Maybe you are a bigger person than me, but I'd stop doing what I didn't have to do.  For example, I'd quit doing the yardwork.  Also, I personally have no problem eating sandwiches or cereal for dinner, and it's not like LO is missing out on a home cooked meal.  Maybe he'll get the hint.

janneann1127

Wanting to be happy is not selfish. And like many others said, staying together for the sake of your daughter sounds great in theory, but in reality, your daughter is going to learn how to handle her own relationships by the way you and your DH handle yours. Give her a good example to follow by standing up for yourself and not letting him treat you that way. I wish you lots of luck and hope that he realizes how selfish he is being.

MrsTechie

I'm going to sound super b*tchy but I'm frustrated on your behalf. Is this really the example you want to set for your daughter? Bury your head when you're being treated unfairly? 1ht

CFH79

I didn't see the original message, but I want to reiterate what others have said about you needing/deserving to be happy. I am the product of an unhappy marriage and I wS glad when my parents finally got a divorce because it meant an end to the stress, tension and drama. When I was going to get married, we did premarital counseling. But even if we hadnt, I would have because I didn't know what a healthy/happy marriage looked like and was terrified of turning out like my parents. Don't stay in an unhappymarriage for your child--it won't make her happy in the long run. And it won't do her any favors when she's at the age of choosing boyfriends and, eventually, her husband. My mom will tell you that she is amazed and a little jealous that my sister and I found husbands who are generous, caring and who treat us the right way. It's surprising because we're the exception not the norm.

cupcakes710

Tiffany628:

JamieJensen710:

ps i just noticed that you live in Chicago's suburbs.  so do i!  1ht

We live in the southwest burbs...where are you at?

southwest burbs! near joliet...  i tried to pm you but couldn't figure out how... 1ht 

Tiffany628

I don't want to set a bad example for my daughter,  but I also don't want to walk out because he won't help around the house. I hope we can find a way to work through this issue together, but just don't know what to do at this moment. I know he is dealing with a lot with his illness which is why he stopped helping altogether as he recovered from surgery and began treatments.  At that time he physically was unable to, but now he is back to work full days, drives again, and is even cleared to work out again.   The first time I talked to him about 3 weeks ago was over dinner.  I felt like it was calm, nonthreatening, and a realization for him that how much I have been doing.  He seemed fine and willing to help out.    Now, 3 weeks later after nothing changed I let my emotions get the best of me.  I know I'm the one at home all day right now and lucky to still be on mat. leave but it is hard to do things by myself when I am home taking care of her.  I am sure may of you know all too well.  There was no fighting, no screaming, no yelling last night.  We were both calm and he was just so matter of fact about his unwillingness to pitch in.   I think counseling of some sort is a good idea because I am not quite sure how we went from working together in the beginning to this however, we can't financially afford it.  We are of the same faith, but he lost a lot of his faith when he got sick so I am not sure about counseling from a church.  I do have the number of the deacon who did M's baptism class..maybe he could give me some advice on the counseling issue at least for myself.   I really do thank you support and encouragement.  It means a lot to me.

mchytka

I can't really give you any better advice than the other ladies here have. I just wanted to say that I hope things get better for your family whether that means staying together or not. I can tell you though that I came from a family where my parents were very unhappy, and they finally divorced when I was 20 years old. My mother is doing better (at age 60) then I have ever seen her in my entire life. I know you want to do things for your DD but sometimes it's best to think about your happiness.

Tiffany628

Madison830:

JamieJensen710:

Tiffany628:

JamieJensen710:

ps i just noticed that you live in Chicago's suburbs.  so do i!  1ht

We live in the southwest burbs...where are you at?

southwest burbs! near joliet...  i tried to pm you but couldn't figure out how... 1ht 

I am n that area too!! Maybe a GTG is called for!!

We are near Oak Lawn area which is not too far from Joliet (about 45 min.)  M and I would love to meet some fellow December babies.  

ETA: I meant to say not too far.  

cupcakes710

Tiffany628:

Madison830:

JamieJensen710:

Tiffany628:

JamieJensen710:

ps i just noticed that you live in Chicago's suburbs.  so do i!  1ht

We live in the southwest burbs...where are you at?

southwest burbs! near joliet...  i tried to pm you but couldn't figure out how... 1ht 

I am n that area too!! Maybe a GTG is called for!!

We are near Oak Lawn area which is not too far from Joliet (about 45 min.)  M and I would love to meet some fellow December babies.  

ETA: I meant to say not too far.  

wow yeah we should!  what are the chances?!  ) 

cupcakes710

Tiffany628:

Madison830:

JamieJensen710:

Tiffany628:

JamieJensen710:

ps i just noticed that you live in Chicago's suburbs.  so do i!  1ht

We live in the southwest burbs...where are you at?

southwest burbs! near joliet...  i tried to pm you but couldn't figure out how... 1ht 

I am n that area too!! Maybe a GTG is called for!!

We are near Oak Lawn area which is not too far from Joliet (about 45 min.)  M and I would love to meet some fellow December babies.  

ETA: I meant to say not too far.  

wow yeah that would be fun!  what are the chances?! )  I couldn't figure out how to friend you guys...

1ht 

cupcakes710

Tiffany628:

Madison830:

JamieJensen710:

Tiffany628:

JamieJensen710:

ps i just noticed that you live in Chicago's suburbs.  so do i!  1ht

We live in the southwest burbs...where are you at?

southwest burbs! near joliet...  i tried to pm you but couldn't figure out how... 1ht 

I am n that area too!! Maybe a GTG is called for!!

We are near Oak Lawn area which is not too far from Joliet (about 45 min.)  M and I would love to meet some fellow December babies.  

ETA: I meant to say not too far.  

wow yeah that would be fun!  what are the chances?! )  I couldn't figure out how to friend you guys...

1ht