one more maybe hot topic! siblings...

wille2b

our bm has another child and may someday have another.. right after ds was born she had mentioned she wants him to know he has a sister.. like call eachother brother and sister..but i feel like that may confuse both children especially since he willl have brothers and sisters that live in the home and then why would a sister live with someone else...KWIM?

How do you feel about calling the 'outside" siblings brother or sister??

Dr.Loretta

I'm fine with it. I'd explain the nature of the relationship in an age-appropriate way.

Art Teacher

I'm fine with it, too.  It wouldn't bother me because that's what they would be - brothers and sisters.  Children understand a lot more than we think sometimes.  I think it's all in how you explain your situation and your child's adoption to your son. 

ryannat

I am fine with it, my girls have an older sister and I really would like for them to know each other.

MrsKolasa

Dr.Loretta:

I'm fine with it. I'd explain the nature of the relationship in an age-appropriate way.

This. Luke has *lots* of bio siblings, but we only have contact with the 2 that were placed for adoption. They are still young, but the other AParents and DH & I have decided that we will keep everything open with all the boys. We look at it and a really nice chance for them to have a relationship with someone from their bio family.

wille2b

I want to make it clear that I don't plan on hiding anything from him.. He will know exactly where he came from.. I just don't know how he will understand why he has siblings that stay with bm and why he was the only one who isn't there with them.. That's all.. I'm sure I'm way over thinking it but I just wonder how he will feel..

MayDayGirl

I am fine with it. esp bc we have foster kids who we call siblings to DS and cousins to our niece and nephews, yet they don't stay forever, I think kids won't get confused, or if they are things clear up easily

soon2Bkranz

Ackkkk totally a hot topic for me.

My DD has a full bio sibling. Its her birth sister. Our son is her brother. I feel very strongly about this. To me its the same as I am her mom and M is her birth mom.

hoping4more

J has 3 or 4 older siblings. We have not met them but if she goes PGO and we get guardianship then I am hoping she will get to meet them. They will be "birth siblings" or something like that, have not decided what to call them yet. Our DD is her sister. Plain and simple.

zoedrex

::lurker jumping in::

FI's mom put her daughter up for adoption (long before FI was born) and he has always had a relationship with her. He calls her his sister and we all have hang out a few times (FI, me, FI's Mom, Sister, Sister's Daughter, Sister's Mom and BF). 

FI also grew up with foster siblings and as PP said, he referred to those as his brothers and sisters as well. 

I think maintaining those relationships is a big deal in open adoptions. Once your son is old enough or asks questions, just explain the situation in the most age appropriate way. Younger children are usually good to go as long as they get *some* sort of answer. My experience with children (as a preschool teacher) is that if they are old enough to ask 'why' then they are old enough to understand. 

The more people who love your son the better  

GLynn2009

I have a little different situation as my bio kids are 18 & 16 and DD2 is 3. DS went to live with his dad when he graduated from school and he was and still is both girls brother.

Our adoption was in the family so birth aunts and uncles are now cousins and cousins are now aunts and uncles. So we just made everyone aunts and uncles. It gets hard to explain sometimes but DD2 has double everything and our thinking is the more support she has the better she will be in the long run. When she gets older and has questions she will already had a relationship with her birth family to get the answers.

PSU-NCBride

Our kids have a lot of siblings too. Ours is unique I guess in that whether they are our children or not, they are all blood related. Our children have 2 full brothers, 2 half brothers and one half sister so far. I guess I've never thought about it. I refer to all the brothers as brothers. They look identical and it seems hard to explain to R why H is a different type of brother than the other full brothers. They just have different parents. 

jacksjerseygirl

It's not necessarily a hot topic for us. Our son has two half sisters. We generally refer to them at his biological siblings or siblings. 

In talking about adoption with DS however, we try not to use the word 'birth'. We try to use their first names and when titles are necessary first mother, biological mother will be what we probably use. Reason being, young children don't understand the concept of birth and it can be confusing - according to adoption psychologist that we have heard speak on the topic. But that's for another day's topic.