How would you respond?

Hotzie

There is a girl who I work with who is just starting to announce her pregnancy.  I just know that once she starts showing and more people realize she is pregnant I will get the question, "when are you going to have kids?".

I had a miscarriage about 2 weeks ago and still don't want to see another pregnant women let alone be asked when I will have a baby.  How would you respond to that question?  Would you just smile and say "when the time is right" or would you have a "smarter" response?  There is a bitter part of me that wants to respond in a snarky way  but it's not their fault.

How would you handle the questions?

afrate1

Well well well. I have been thru this within the last 24 hrs. I had a customer say to me that she "expected to see a bump on me" having been married 4 mos ago. "Oh no not yet" I said. I had to be kind.

 To the ladies I work with and wondering why I misssed work for a few days b/c of such horrific cramping, the one said oh you are probably preggers. I said "not hardly" and walked away.

So to each person for me is a different reaction. I work with the public and become very friendly with them. As for my staff I am a bit harsh. They all had unplanned pregs in late teens to very early 20s. They DO NOT know what this MIGHT feel like.I am pretty sure I would get the ol' "not meant to be....blah blah blah" from them.

I say whatever feels natural to you...Its your body,emotions, and life

Sorry you are here hugs to you...one day you will be the one making the great announcement.

lotus88

I wish I had the guts to give the snarky comments. Similar to the previous poster, I had a coworker ask me if i was out because of my morning sickness. The day I got back from my d&e. She's just a gossip monger, was just fishing for information. 

 

A coworker of mine is 4 weeks further than I would've been so I get this question a lot if I'm around her and people who don't know about my loss. I usually say something stupid like, "at some point" and walk away. Because I honestly don't know when it's going to happen. It took almost a year to get pregnant the first time so I doubt it'll just happen.  I've been avoiding crowds of ppl who don't know. They're all so nosey.

LDW80

It definitely depends on who asks the question.  If it is someone you are pretty close to you could tell them your situation if you felt comfortable and tell them you plan to try when you are emotionall ready and not to ask again if you were pregnant and that you will let them know.  For someone you don't really know or a co-worker I would just say "when were ready" or "someday".  Hopefully they will leave it at that.  I know I always want to comeback snarky but I am just not like that unless they deserved it.  GL

madiegirl83

I agree with the PP's.  It depends on who the person is.  There are people who know we wanted to start trying right away after getting married 3 months ago so when they ask I generally just say "We're working on it".  To other people who just ask when we are want to have kids I just say "When the timing is right we will have a baby."  So it totally depends on the person... but I am usually thinking much snarkier things in my head... Like to the guy in my OB's waiting room who asked me about 10 ins after I had found out "So, when are you due?"  Man, I wanted to punch him... I just said I'm not expecting... but I had a lot of other choice things I would have liked to say.....  So sorry you have to deal with these kind of questions at the worst times...

JThomas221

I'm sorry for your loss. I have to hear these sorts of questions too. Usually when I mention my stepkids someone will ask if I have any kids of my own. When I say no, I usually get the question, "Do you not WANT kids??" It's like they're asking what's wrong with me for not being pregnant or having bio-children already. I usually just mumble an answer to the effect of "someday we'll have more". I really wish I could be quick witted and say something snarky to make them embarrassed or uncomfortable. Really people, think before you speak. I would say if you're good with the comebacks, let em roll. Maybe people will learn to be more sensitive.

MrsMitty08

LDW80:

It definitely depends on who asks the question.  If it is someone you are pretty close to you could tell them your situation if you felt comfortable and tell them you plan to try when you are emotionall ready and not to ask again if you were pregnant and that you will let them know.  For someone you don't really know or a co-worker I would just say "when were ready" or "someday".  Hopefully they will leave it at that.  I know I always want to comeback snarky but I am just not like that unless they deserved it.  GL

All of this.

MrsMitty08

It really depends on who it is and the circumstances in which they are asking. 

We had not announced our pregnancy at the time we had miscarried so most people don't even know that we had started TTC or about the m/c.  

The other day, one of my coworkers asked me when we were going to start having kids.  She and I were walking to our cars and no one else was around, so I said, "well, actually..." and I proceeded to explain that we thought it would be sooner that it will be basically.  She knew I was sick in December but I didn't go into detail then and she didn't pry.  She was very sweet and understanding and it turns out, she had had a m/c, too.  

Anyway, "someday" and "when the time is right" are not only fairly easy to say but they are what I believe, so that is what I go with in most situations.