Grrrr...brothers comments

Mommaswede

So I finally talked to one of my brothers tonight who's been trying to get a hold of me since my miscarriage.  I know he has the good intentions, but what he said really irked me.  "Well, there was obviously something wrong with the baby that you miscarried, and it's a good thing that you miscarried it.  Nature has a way of working itself out." 

REALLY?   Needless to say, I ended the conversation shortly after that. 

 

LDW80

Funny you say this (not really funny but more coincidental).  My brother said the exact same thing to me.  I think men (or women who have never experienced this) just don't know the right words to say.  I just let my brother have his "heart to heart" moment with me and then let it go.  But I know it is hard to hear those words.

MegMeg0913

I still can't understand how that is supposed to be comforting.  I think it is always said with good intentions... but still.  

lotus88

My mom reminded me that men don't become fathers until the baby is born. Women become mothers the second they find out they're pregnant. Men don't have to worry about the pregnancy, they don't have to change their habits, they don't have the imagination to plan that far in advance.  They're stupidly confident in their abililities. Your brother, and probably women who never had a loss - who take it all for granted, is probably doing the best with his own perspective. I got a lot of comments like that.  My DH, trying to comfort me with our blighted ovum (that took us 10 months to make), told me that there never was a baby, so why all the tears. They don't get it. He stopped talking and just did all the housework then. I guess that was the best thing he could've done. 

 

((hugs))

Laurakat81

I'm to a point now where I honestly feel like it's my mission to teach people to quit saying stupid things in an attempt to help. I'm really sorry your brother said that. Yes he thought he was being comforting but it's still insensitive either way.