Sad

ErinDarryl

So this is the first child for DH and I but my MIL 2nd grandchild. My BIL's ex is a phycho hosebeast who fought continuously with the entire family until she and my BIL broke up. Then she didn't let anyone see my niece (including the father) until my niece was 2. The family threw a shower for them, my DH and I hosted. The family has now been seeing my niece fairly regularly for the last month or so, which is awesome. I am very happy for BIL, he is a great father. None of this is a problem.

 

My best friend is planning my shower, which is great. I just found out today that MIL is going away shortly for 2 months. Coming home roughly a week before my EDD. I just thought, Ok then. No concrete shower plans have been made, but I'm a little hurt  that she wouldn't even inquire about it before going. I'm sad and feeling like our baby just doesn't matter as much because they have my niece around again. 

 

Thanks for reading. 

Yellow_Daisy

Is she just going on vacation or something or does she have to go away?  Have you talked to her and expressed how you were feeling?

I have been feeling like an after thought with my family, too long to go into, but I talked to my mom and dad and they are both making an effort now to be more involved and apologized for ignoring us even though they live 10 min away.

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that people are not mind readers.  If you don't tell someone that you are bothered by something you really can't expect for them to change.  While it would be nice if your MIL thought of this on her own maybe she just needs to hear from you that you would like her to be more interested.

ErinDarryl

She is going to spend time with / help out her mom. I totally admire that she does this and I think that it's great. I'm just sad. There is not really any point in mentioning how I feel, she has already bought her plane ticket and I think that it will just make her feel bad. At first I thought maybe there was some surprise thing going on, but after talking to my best friend last night I'm pretty sure there isn't. She is excited about the baby, so that is why I am so surprised and hurt.

BrendaLou1969

Do NOT take it personally... her trip has nothing to do with you.  Speaking as someone with older parents, they take priority.  Taking care of her mother is first on her list right now as it should be.  I know your disapointed, but please don't take it personally, I can most certainly guaranty she isn't trying to "slight" you in the least.

MsManners

BrendaLou1969:

Do NOT take it personally... her trip has nothing to do with you.  Speaking as someone with older parents, they take priority.  Taking care of her mother is first on her list right now as it should be.  I know your disapointed, but please don't take it personally, I can most certainly guaranty she isn't trying to "slight" you in the least.

If your MIL or any guest cannot attend the shower, it is not a reflection on how they feel about you or the baby. Since you say your MIL seemed excited, I agree with BrendaLou that this is simply the case of her mother taking priority.

I think if she really didn't care about the baby, she probably would not have booked her return flight for before your EDD. I could be assuming too much (not knowing your MIL) but to me, that shows that she wants to be around when the baby is born.

mybobofo

ErinDarryl:

phycho hosebeast 

First of all, LOL!  Haven't heard that one in a while.

Secondly, I'm not sure if you're hurt because you really want her to be there or if you're offended that she didn't consider you when making her plans. 

For the former: If it means that much to you that she is there, why don't you invite her to a special brunch just the two of you before she leaves?  I'm sure that she will be excited about being around for the birth - as she has made an effort to make sure she is back before your due date.

For the latter: She can't schedule her life around a shower that doesn't have a concrete date yet.