Zoloft day seven - Ending week one!

klcl8981

Well.. I can't think of anything specific today that went especially bad.. So, I guess today was a good day. I hate how I can't remember entire portions of my day though. It's all just one big blur. Every day feels the same. The same routine... Aside from dinner with my family tonight (we go to my grandparents' every Sunday).

I feel totally blank today.. It's weird. I just...don't remember anything... Except cleaning. I just remembered, I cleaned a little.

Anyway, I wish each day would remain the same as far as my moods. I feel kind of wacky having a good day here, a bad day there. I also feel like it's unpredictable as to how I react to certain things. Some things DH says get me really upset. Other times, I just feel sort of numb. Is it obvious that I'm totally screwed up here... *sigh*

So far, no anxiety tonight. Hope it doesn't start up at any point.

astroMom

I hope you don't mind me asking.  Are you doing therapy or anything in addition to the meds?  I found talking to a therapist helped.  Plus, she gave me some tips for when the anxiety starts.  It helps me clear my mind...not totally, but better than it would've been!  I'm on day 6, so I am just right behind you.  Though, I did 2 days @ 25 to start.

klcl8981

astroMom:

I hope you don't mind me asking.  Are you doing therapy or anything in addition to the meds?  I found talking to a therapist helped.  Plus, she gave me some tips for when the anxiety starts.  It helps me clear my mind...not totally, but better than it would've been!  I'm on day 6, so I am just right behind you.  Though, I did 2 days @ 25 to start.

I'm not doing any therapy at this time. I don't have insurance, and I can't afford to go to any type of counseling. My midwife is on call for me 24/7 via email, text, phone, etc. She is ALWAYS there for me if I ever need her. I check in with her a lot, and she knows more about my situation than anyone. She is a major support system for me at this time.

I am nervous for after LO is born though. If things get worse, I really shouldn't and can't avoid real therapy... I will likely have insurance by then. And really, even if my depression isn't necessarily worse, EVERYone could use a little counseling. I'm a firm believer in it, and wish I could go regularly...

How have you been feeling from the Zoloft? I can't seem to tell if I notice definite change.. I know it can take time, though.

totallyshocked

You know I have been following you since day one and while you seem to be more tired and blurred it seems to me like the meds are slowly helping.....esp if your anxiety is decreasing. Thats a BIG deal. I was going to mention if you are involved in a church? Im currently not but when I was counseling was free and did help. Still here for ya mama. Anytime!!

klcl8981

totallyshocked:

You know I have been following you since day one and while you seem to be more tired and blurred it seems to me like the meds are slowly helping.....esp if your anxiety is decreasing. Thats a BIG deal. I was going to mention if you are involved in a church? Im currently not but when I was counseling was free and did help. Still here for ya mama. Anytime!!

Aww, thanks. I guess you're right. My daily anxiety has decreased. It's the night time that gets funky.

I'm not totally involved with the church, but I go to my mom's church here in town maybe every other week or so. I try to go, but it's hard to get the motivation. What helps me to get going to church is that my mom takes DS Saturday nights, and she brings him to church every Sunday. So, if I go, it's first because I want to see him. Second, because I was raised with church, and really have enjoyed going. Her church is incredibly small, though. I really want to get involved and become a member at a church, but DH isn't interested in my faith. Or any faith... That's kind of a difficult thing.

I don't know if my mom's church offers counseling. I doubt it. I think it would only be with the pastor, and I'm not totally comfortable speaking with him only because I don't know him that well. I would feel more comfortable speaking to a woman, anyway.. Or someone who I know has experienced PPD. My MW has experienced it with two of her pregnancies. I wonder if even after I have the baby if she would accept some type of payment for me to see her weekly. She's great to talk to... I currently get an hour visit with her at my appointments. (Benefits of doing a home birth, and seeing her based out of her home!) My midwife associated with the hospital for my last pregnancy was NEVER so invested in me like my current one is.

astroMom

Zoloft doesn't make me tired.  In fact, the first 2 days I went to 50mg I had a horrible night's sleep.  It was a strange feeling that is hard to describe.  When I went to work, I had to call my husband to "talk me down" very often.  His mom is also on anti-depressants, so he has been very supportive.  I called the pharmacist, and they said it was typical to be worse anxiety and bad sleep the first few days, but to let my doc know if it persisted.

Anyway, some of the symptoms I can't tell if it's from anxiety or a reaction to the meds.  My husband repeatedly tells me I will be back to my old self, soon, so I think that really helps.

When I get stressed, my therapist said to take deep breaths. Breathe in for 5 seconds, hold it 5 seconds & breathe out for 5 seconds.  Usually I have a great lung capacity, but I can see how hard this is for me when I am feeling my worst!  Also, I worry too much about the future.  So, she said to really focus on something in the room.  For example, pick something mundane & stare at it.  Think of all of its characteristics, like it's color, texture, etc.  My worst times are at night, though, so I focus on how my bed feels, etc.  Have you tried anything like that?  I'm not sure if your issue is the same as mine, where you cannot just focus on today and think bad thoughts about the future.

I've also been talking to a couple friends that I found out had PPD a long time ago.  I didn't know they did until I opened up to them about how I was feeling.  They have been occasionally checking in on me.  Considering 1/10 women get it, maybe you know someone who has hidden she had it?

We go to church as well, though not every week.  I was super surprised what a good job our pastor did during our premarital counseling.  It far exceeding my expectations.  I have chosen to see a female therapist, now, but I don't think talking to the pastor is a bad idea.  He might be able to connect you with a female pastor (if your denomination has female pastors).

klcl8981

astroMom

Zoloft doesn't make me tired.  In fact, the first 2 days I went to 50mg I had a horrible night's sleep.  It was a strange feeling that is hard to describe.

When my husband previously took Zoloft 25mg, he wouldn't be able to sleep at night if he took it in the evening. So he always took it in the mornings. I do know what you mean though about that strange feeling when you can't sleep while taking the medication, only because it affected me that way the first day or two. I think it was the first night, actually. I wanted to sleep, but when I closed my eyes I was kind of only half sleeping...

My husband repeatedly tells me I will be back to my old self, soon, so I think that really helps

It's not that my husband is unsupportive, we just don't really discuss what I'm going through because he doesn't understand. He really doesn't get how I am feeling, and it kind of makes me share less..

My worst times are at night...  I'm not sure if your issue is the same as mine, where you cannot just focus on today and think bad thoughts about the future.

I absolutely cannot just focus on today, and I frequently get lost in bad thoughts about the future. MOSTLY at night too, when my anxiety seems to have been kicking in since being on the Zoloft.

I've also been talking to a couple friends that I found out had PPD a long time ago.

I recently told a family friend about my situation. She's actually my mom's BFF, but is like my 'second mom'. She revealed to me that my mother had PPD after her first child (my oldest sister) was born. She thought I knew, but I didn't have a clue that my mom ever experienced PPD. I didn't mention to my mom... But I'm confused why she hasn't talked to me about it since I am open with her about what I am going through. My family friend also told me that my mom didn't even tell her about her PPD until after she had already recovered from it. I wonder if my mom will ever tell me herself that she went through this... Or how it was for her...