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Adoption
Just wanted to introduce myself!
I have been lurking on this board for some time now but haven't really posted anything. DH & I have been TTC for a little over 2 years now. We have decided that we would rather get started on the adoption route than spend the money on IUI or IVF which have a small chance of success. I have always wanted to adopt and this has just made that decision even more solid for me! I always thought it would be our #2 or #3 child that we would adopt but I'm very excited of adopting #1 instead!
DH isn't quite to the point I'm at yet. He is getting there and I am waiting patiently ( or rather impatiently!) for him to be there. I think it's VERY important for us to both be 100% commited before we start the process. It's not really the idea of not having our "own" child that he is dealing with. His "issue" is more of the timeline I think. If I got pregnant, he says, we will have 9 months to "prepare" I guess and with adoption I think it's the fear of the unknown for him. It could take years.. or it could take days and I think that's what scares him the most. I understand because the concept is a little frightening to me. I want to go ahead and get started on the homestudy, paperwork, ect because that takes time but I don't want to rush him. I know that God will provide us with a child somehow, someway and on his time, not ours!!! I just hope DH gets on board soon. I'm so ready to open our home and hearts up to a child!!!!!
Thanks for listening. We really aren't telling anyone about our process and it's nice to have people to talk/listen to. I'm sure I'll need lots of help along the way!!! I hope everyone has a great day.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just wanted to introduce myself!
Welcome to the board! You and your story sound A LOT like me
and our story. And it has a happy ending 
.
My DH was with me all along- and you are RIGHT. You both need to be on the same page as you start and then go through the process. I have sadly seen some who weren't and it's not always pretty.
You have a great attitude, which is very important in this process. Keep the FAITH and your child will find you when the timing is right.
Good luck!
I just wanted to wish you luck. My DH and I were on board from the start although we did try some fertility treatments first. We had a long road of 2 miscarriages and a failed adoption. We sent in our homestudy and application in April of 2006 and were matched within 6 weeks. That match didn't work so we tried IVF in Jan. and April of 2007. This resulted in 2 miscarriages. We updated our homestudy in May 2007 and 2 weeks later, we had our baby in our arms.
We always had faith and knew God would send the baby that was meant to be our baby to us when the time was right.
I hope you have a quick and easy journey to your child.
Welcome aboard! I flip flopped on whether to reply or not because I do have two biological children so I know our situation is different BUT I am at the same point you are. just waiting for DH to get 100% certain on beginning our homestudy, and our adoption. We have chose to adopt from Korea and are so excited, but my DH is just worrying about money more than anything else, I think.
Just wanted to say welcome!! I agree that you mind set is perfect for adoption! Give you DH a little time for it to sink in and he will get on board!
Welcome to the board! I have found the women here to be full of knowledge and a great support.
My husband and I both always wanted to adopt, so the decision was easy for us. Dealing with the uncertainty, however, is not. Honestly, I think the only thing that us is to research as much as possible, and to try to be proactive in our choices to protect our emotions as much as possible (We chose international adoption, for example, because we couldn't bear to have a birth mother change her mind after we were matched.).
All the research in the world and trying to control the process as much as possible won't make the uncertainties of adoption go away, but it helps to know what types of things might happen. Averages and typicalities (is that a word?) have become our solace.
And we've decided not to stop living our everyday lives to the fullest just because we're waiting and don't know when it might happen. Sure, I'm trying to save my time off--so we take long weekends instead of vacations. Sure, we're trying to save money--so we have special dinners in instead of eating out. I think all this is helping us maintain a level of normalcy during this crazy process.
My motto right now is "prepare for the worst, hope for the best." Might not sound to rosy, but it reminds me of all the possible outcomes--including that our child will be healthy and well adjusted. My best advice to you is to do as much research as you can, so that you are not only aware of all the "maybes," but also see how most adoptions work out. It really helps to know what's common and what types of things are extreme when trying to come to terms with all the issues associated with adoption.
Best of luck to you and your husband as you begin this journey!
Thanks so much for your responses!!!!! I'm very excited and anxious for our journey to begin. I have researched a lot and will continue to research while we are waiting to begin. Has anyone read Adoption for Dummies? If so, is it worth reading? I have thought about buying it but didn't want to waste my money if it really wasn't worth it.
I think a lot of the women here have read it, and found it helpful. I, personally, used The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption and think it's probably on par with AfD.
The books are pretty introductory, but they do give you a great basis from which to start. They introduce the different types of adoption, the pros and cons of each, and--what I found most helpful--talk about what to look for and be wary of in an agency. Once I found an agency, I left my copy and started reading more advanced books, writen on specific adoption topics. So, even though the book had some chapters on the adjustment period and raising adopted kids, I never read them.