Lovey BM, just lovely!
BM's family has a party every month for all the people's birthdays that are that month. SD's will be 14 in February. The party for the family is scheduled February 6th, notice what day?
We get a call yesterday from BM's mom and were asked if they could pick up SD for the party. We said sure, no problem! Then SS calls today and said can I leave early on Sunday to go to a Superbowl party. Ok, sure. We asked BM if she would be at the birthday party and she said no, she was going to the superbowl party. Her or SF see nothing wrong with this. We had to tell SD so she wasn't surprised and she started crying.
We now know that football is more important than SD to them. SF actually told DH if he wanted them to go to the bday party he can call and get the date of the superbowl changed.
We really want to get temporary custody until all the paperwork goes through, but she's not really in danger as she doesn't even go over there (BM won't let her till she finds out what she told her friends months ago) We have no way of getting a lawyers help either.
Re: Lovey BM, just lovely!
Oh my...that's horrible. I have a lump in my throat for your poor SD. Her BM and SF just effing suck. I know this doesn't help the situation, but don't you just want to tell BM "Oh, by the way, SD told me what she said to her friends... it was 'my mom is a selfish cvnt'."
Is SS going to his sister's party at all? Just curious why you'd let him go to the Superbowl party when you knew the bday party for SD is that day. Does DH get to attend the bday party so SD can have at least one member of her immediate family there?
You know, unless SD really wants to go, I'm inclined to want to spare her the pain and humiliation of having to relive this latest rejection and just call BM's mom and tell her that given the situation, it's probably not a great idea for SD to attend the family bday party.
Ditto to both of the above. You obviously have BM's mom's number, so can you call and talk to her about DH coming to support SD since BM won't be there to celebrate? Maybe BMM(Gm) will get a clue and ream her daughter's arski enough to wake her up at least to a certain extent. BM can freaking celebrate her daughter's birthday and TiVo the darn game. You can't TiVo birthdays and family unity and love and support.
He is not going to it, we actually don't have him after 5 on Sunday, so BM can choose where he goes (which is around when the bday party starts) If both the bday party was during the day you better believe he would be at the bday party.
I thought about having DH go to the party, but I'm not sure that her family would want him there. none of them really like him. I think SD really wants to go, she loves seeing her grandparents and aunts and uncles, so at least it will give her a chance to do that.
You know, I stumbled across something about a year ago when we filed for temporary custody before DH was granted full custody that you might want to look into. In some states, what your skids' BM is doing might be considered emotional/psychological abandonment. It might be a stretch, but it would be worth at least looking up. I can't remember what source it was that delved so deeply into psychological abandonment, but I'm sure it's still out there to find. I know it was a legal help website, and it had links to several states' abandonment laws/definitions.
I'm not saying it would mean you could file for termination of parental rights, but it might be enough to file for temporary custody. Especially if you can prove how much time she spends with you versus BM and when the last time BM actually took responsibility for her scheduled time was.
Don't know if it's something you want to look into or if it helps, but there you go anyway. I'll see if I can find that clip again, too.
ETA: This isn't the same site I mentioned above, but it does say something about psychological/emotional abuse and abandonment.
https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/define.cfm
"Almost all States, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands include emotional maltreatment as part of their definitions of abuse or neglect.9 Approximately 32 States, the District of Columbia, the Northern Mariana Islands, and Puerto Rico provide specific definitions of emotional abuse or mental injury to a child.10 Typical language used in these definitions is "injury to the psychological capacity or emotional stability of the child as evidenced by an observable or substantial change in behavior, emotional response, or cognition," or as evidenced by "anxiety, depression, withdrawal, or aggressive behavior." "
Your SD has been seeing a counselor, and if I remember correctly, was being referred to a specialist, right? They would probably be able to provide some good observation and documentation as to whether BM maintaining custody is best for SD. I would most definitely talk to your attorney about your state's specific laws/definitions, as well as to your SD's counselor, and then determine what the best course of action is from there.
Ugh, that woman just makes my blood boil! What kind of parent blows off their child's b-day party for a damn football game?
Now, DH is a HUGE football fan (like it totally dominates our TV from about September-February) and SS's birthday is in early February. Even he would skip the Super Bowl if SS's party coincided with it's broadcast. Even if it was the Cowboys.* That's what DVR's are for.
*Ok, if it were the Cowboys he'd probably try to convince SS to want a Super Bowl party for his b-day. You know, two birds and all.