networking thru friends, ob's, family, etc.

DavezWife

anyone done/doing this?

I figure it can't hurt, and the reason why I ask is

a) we're not in a HUGE hurry right now. we're learning, figuring out agencies, how particular we want to be, how long we'll wait vs. how much we'll spend (budget trumps at this point, IVF tx have slayed us) and

b) I like the idea of just using a private adoption attorney and being done (having trouble finding one of THOSE! whew, don't google THAT unless you have 10 hrs)  but MAINLY I ask right now b/c

C) I meet with my OBGYN next week and want to hand him something. I've been with him for 3 yrs, to hell and back and to hell and back again. (11 pregnancies, most with him as my OB) He GETS our pain, and would LOVE to help us if he runs across a situation, or hears of one.

simple website/blog? a generic email? (do I put my cell# on the card, or find a lawyer quick, ANY lawyer to take the call???)

any guidelines just to get SOMETHING together as we figure this all out are most helpful. thx.  I can refine it as we go along, but like I said, I'd like to hand my doc some cards next week when I see him.

 

Honeydew1894

I sent a letter to my doc, as well as local churches to let them know that we are interested in adopting. I included our agency's contact info as well as ours, but made it clear that potential situations must go through our agency. I would be happy to send you the letter, since it was sent to me by another mom on our board.

jblue20032003

we were going to a family event where we thoguth there would be alot of people who might be good networkers. at the last minute, we made up very simple business cards. you can use a template on word, and buy sheets of cards that go right through your printer. we later used vistaprint.com, i think we got 250 business cards for free. The cards include the 800 phone number we have, our email address and website.

Temp206787500007404

I would do a one page letter/flyer (1/2 to 1/3 of the page being a large, clear picture of you guys that is eye-catching) that very very briefly says who you are and that you want to adopt and contains your anonymous email and number.  I think the key is a great picture and simple text (Considering an adoption plan for your baby?  We would love to be part of your family!  Call/email us at...  Love, John and Jane)

(If you're considering private...you need an 800 number or a disposable cell number, unless you mind giving out your own cell number.)

mabella

I have a few letters we sent out to our family and friends too. PM me if you would like a copy. I would also add: get an 800 # (we don't pay for it unless it is used), a pre-paid cell phone to call potential birthparents back, and set up a website. Ours was/is free and we connected it to Google Analytics so we can see who/where/when it is being viewed.

AuburnBride06

MrsB2007:

I would do a one page letter/flyer (1/2 to 1/3 of the page being a large, clear picture of you guys that is eye-catching) that very very briefly says who you are and that you want to adopt and contains your anonymous email and number.  I think the key is a great picture and simple text (Considering an adoption plan for your baby?  We would love to be part of your family!  Call/email us at...  Love, John and Jane)

(If you're considering private...you need an 800 number or a disposable cell number, unless you mind giving out your own cell number.)

I would do this exactly. It was actually on my list of things to do right before we were matched. Do you know anyone who works in the school systems? Getting those flyers to counselors in the school would ube a great idea. Also consider womens clinics @ universities/community colleges. A blog about your desire to adopt is great idea. Start it off with a letter and pass it on to all family and friends and ask them to share it if they hear of someone who is considering an adoption plan. many private adoptions are done as a result of networking. Our attorney really encouraged us to do all this while she was also showing our profile.

DavezWife

thanks everyone, I'll put something simple together this weekend. In this sea of so many couples looking the same, I'd like to stand us apart a lil' bit... we traveled around the world in 2006, and somehow I want to kinda weave that into our adoption journey if we can. (without getting too hookie)  - any ideas? We have lots of piks of me with groups of kids around the world, us on rikshaws, camels, cliffs of Maher in Ireland....Turkey... something simple like "we've seen the world, now we'd like to show it to our children" ????

also  - if we WERE to find a forever child this way, do we need a homestudy? or just the legal work done thru an attorney?

ok, one more... any way to simply say, on that card or simple blog, that we're open to many situations (i.e. age, race, medical, exposure, etc....) a new scared BM is not going to know that lingo (nor would my OB or great aunt for that matter) so I'd like some ditty on there that we're willing to consider out of the box, KWIM?

thanks. I know how irritating these newbie questions must be. if it makes you feel any better, I'm paying it forward on my IF board helping THOSE news lost ladies out as they come along ;-)

ps - MaBELLA, you have a PM with my info. if anyone wants to send what they have, bring it on! my email is david_and_tracie at ya hooo

DavezWife

edited to removed my mother's incredible stupidity. just in case.

Temp206787500007404

I wouldn't put what situations you are or aren't interested in on the flyer...keep it simple.  If an AA mom would be open to placing with you...you don't need to spell it out.  And if she's not, telling her you're open to an AA child isn't going to change her mind.  I would just keep it really simple.

Also be careful not to be too "braggy" about your travels (and def not saying you are!)...you want to be careful not to make your life something that is totally unimaginable to a birthmother or to seem like you're somehow better than she is.  It's such a fine and difficult line to tread between wanting to show who you are and where you've been, but making sure that you aren't coming across as to showy.

DavezWife

MrsB2007:

I wouldn't put what situations you are or aren't interested in on the flyer...keep it simple.  If an AA mom would be open to placing with you...you don't need to spell it out.  And if she's not, telling her you're open to an AA child isn't going to change her mind.  I would just keep it really simple.

Also be careful not to be too "braggy" about your travels (and def not saying you are!)...you want to be careful not to make your life something that is totally unimaginable to a birthmother or to seem like you're somehow better than she is.  It's such a fine and difficult line to tread between wanting to show who you are and where you've been, but making sure that you aren't coming across as to showy.

I know what you mean - so leave OUT the travel mentions? or just, like, one picture or something so we can be "that couple in the tuk tuk" ??

uuugh. I *get* simple. I just can't seem to *do* simple. haha.

Temp206787500007404

I would just do a really good close up photo of you guys for the flyer.

I would save the travel photos for your actual profile/website, but that's just me.    If the close up turns out to be a travel photo, that's cool, but I think it should be a close up...kinda like the front page of your profile you want the picture to just grab her attention...same thing with the flyer I would think.

wille2b

DavezWife:

thanks everyone, I'll put something simple together this weekend. In this sea of so many couples looking the same, I'd like to stand us apart a lil' bit... we traveled around the world in 2006, and somehow I want to kinda weave that into our adoption journey if we can. (without getting too hookie)  - any ideas? We have lots of piks of me with groups of kids around the world, us on rikshaws, camels, cliffs of Maher in Ireland....Turkey... something simple like "we've seen the world, now we'd like to show it to our children" ????

also  - if we WERE to find a forever child this way, do we need a homestudy? or just the legal work done thru an attorney?

ok, one more... any way to simply say, on that card or simple blog, that we're open to many situations (i.e. age, race, medical, exposure, etc....) a new scared BM is not going to know that lingo (nor would my OB or great aunt for that matter) so I'd like some ditty on there that we're willing to consider out of the box, KWIM?

thanks. I know how irritating these newbie questions must be. if it makes you feel any better, I'm paying it forward on my IF board helping THOSE news lost ladies out as they come along ;-)

ps - MaBELLA, you have a PM with my info. if anyone wants to send what they have, bring it on! my email is david_and_tracie at ya hooo

 

you still need a homestudy, its the simple one we did next time we talk i will give you their info.. they works as fast or as slow as you need them to based on your situation!

Sunny1s

You have a lot of great advice here on letters/photos but sounds like you want to get more info out there.  Have you thought about using YouTube?  You can make a slideshow of your travel pictures and any other information you want to share - like a moving profile letter.  You can put the link right on your flyer.  Any nervous people would then have the opportunity to see a bit more of you before making a phone call.  I know I would want a little more before just calling someone.  Plus YouTube shows you stats so you can see if you are getting any views.

Good luck!  While we didn't do super great networking, we found our current situtation through one of our doctors, so you never know! 

 

DavezWife

ok, one more dumb question and I'll go work on my SIMPLE cards, lol...

pretend for a micro second I give OB Doc this card next week, and 3 weeks later my 1-800#  rings and it's Julie, the daughter of one of his patients, who's 16 yrs old, 39 weeks pregnant and wants us to parent her child. 

We don't have the homestudy done yet, but the situation fits us great. We know the odds if the baby goes home with her..... gulp..... What do we do? too fast, too soon, have to pass, I suspect?

What if the baby/birth parents are not something we wanted to consider... what on earth do I say? Just "thanks, but that's not something that would fit for our family?"

OMG. I'm playing hypotheticals, and already getting too emotional. Crud. I thought infertility was hard!

Temp206787500007404

You need to talk to an adoption attorney in your state (or your agency if you plan on running the adoption through them).  They will be able to advise you.

Some states let you have custody if you've started but not finalized your homestudy.  Some states let you have custody if you haven't even started at all.  Some states say you have to at least have your fingerprints/background check completed.  It really just depends and I think an attorney could advise you best. 

kmkaull2

MrsB2007:

Also be careful not to be too "braggy" about your travels (and def not saying you are!)...you want to be careful not to make your life something that is totally unimaginable to a birthmother or to seem like you're somehow better than she is.  It's such a fine and difficult line to tread between wanting to show who you are and where you've been, but making sure that you aren't coming across as to showy.

Excellent point!   Always remember when you are marketing to focus on the expectant mom . . . be kind and respectful of the pain she's likely to be in.  Remember where she's at in her life.  She likely would love to show her baby the world, but isn't able now . . . don't pour salt in that would.  I would be down-to-earth, with just one simple candid picture where you all look happy. 

Some people use parentprofiles.com or set up websites.

 We had two word-of-mouth situations come up for us while we were doing our home study.  Neither one evolved, but it is definitely smart to get the word out there.  I always say schools and churches . . . get it on the rumor mill.  ;-)

MrsKolasa

DavezWife:

ok, one more dumb question and I'll go work on my SIMPLE cards, lol...

pretend for a micro second I give OB Doc this card next week, and 3 weeks later my 1-800#  rings and it's Julie, the daughter of one of his patients, who's 16 yrs old, 39 weeks pregnant and wants us to parent her child. 

We don't have the homestudy done yet, but the situation fits us great. We know the odds if the baby goes home with her..... gulp..... What do we do? too fast, too soon, have to pass, I suspect?

What if the baby/birth parents are not something we wanted to consider... what on earth do I say? Just "thanks, but that's not something that would fit for our family?"

OMG. I'm playing hypotheticals, and already getting too emotional. Crud. I thought infertility was hard!

It's my understanding that in this situation, in our state, the Bparents can sign some form to give you guradianship, for lack of a better term, until your homestudy is done. The homestudy *could* be done in a matter of weeks. In our case, 2 weeks.

If you need to turn someone down, it's been done before, just be honest.

 

silliestbunny

FWIW-  our daughter is a result of efforts for a private, independent adoption. 
However, the letter was not sent by us.... it was sent by a friend (who now works as a private adoption consultant).  She's adopted two children through mass mailing and networking.  
Back to our daughter-  it was a letter that our friend sent to an OB that connected friend to our birth mom.  Birth mom/father called friend to see if they'd adopt a baby due on four days.   Obviously, she passed the contact onto me and we have our daughter.

It was incredibly easy... the work involved from a legal standpoint.  It was very inexpensive too.  However, the upfront work my friend did for her two kids which brought us MJ was substantial.

I am happy to share the letter that brought us our daughter.  I can also connect you to the friend that is now doing this consulting on the side.  I am sure she'd chat with you just based on her passion for adoption.

hereonceagain

we received our first foster child through word of mouth.  We were not licensed at that point, and simply asked for their social workers info and they gave it to us, and we did everything through the worker, incredibly fast and smooth.  We had to get licensed fast at that point if we were going to adopt.  We never did letters or websites, etc...simply word of mouth.