Zoloft day five.

klcl8981

Took the medication at my usual time this morning. I was already tired because DS was up a lot last night (top tooth came in), and was up for the day at 7 AM. (This is early at our house..)

He went down for his nap at 10ish, and I tried to sleep too. I napped for about 2 hours, and DH took DS when he woke. If I weren't able to nap while DS does, and I were on this medication, I'd have no choice but to take it at another time of day. I get REALLY sleepy from it, and I don't think it's going to change.

After I woke, I went out with DS, my mom, and a close family friend to a local bar/restaurant to celebrate their birthdays. I hadn't been out of my house since Monday when I was diagnosed. It took me a little while to get into things. I had felt a little overwhelmed with DS because he was really squirmy, and the place was really loud. He surprisingly napped while we were out. I was there for 5 hours!!

So, I did have a nice time with my family when we were out today. I think that kept me pretty distracted from feeling depressed. My mom was certainly having a good time (maybe too good!).

I had just a glimpse of a scary thought while I was driving today. You know, one of those 'what if I get into a car accident' kind of dreams, and you envision a horrible scene and your LO being mangled. Almost the second it happened, I recognized and was able to get out of it. This is really something I could not have done in the past. I guess I could only attribute this to the medication working? But only after five days? Is it a placebo effect in this beginning stage? I don't know...

DH is currently out of work, so he has been home with me and has been a tremendous help. When he starts working again, I don't really know how my days will go. I hope I don't start to feel worse.

I haven't been having thoughts about DS hating me like I did before. And I truly was convinced that he hated me, and didn't want me as his mother. Yes, my 8 month old... What does he know about hate? Nothing! Sometimes I feel like he has a reason to hate me because maybe I am a mean mommy, or I have yelled at him before. But we've been doing good today.

It's weird to notice feeling almost 'normal'. I can't wait to feel MYSELF again... But I have this anxiety at times over thinking I might feel really shiitty one day.

Just because yesterday and today felt good, is it likely it will continue? Or are the bad days still in the future?

Thanks to those who are following this. It feels good to talk about what I am experiencing each day. I don't have anyone else to really talk to about it in detail like this.