How did you know?

gingerfamily

Hi All-

My H and I have been ttc for 2+ years.  We made an appt for November with Catholic Social services to find out about adoption.  We want a baby so bad 9as I'm sure you all do) but I feel like if we go the adoption route we're giving up trying on our own. 

 

Have any of you gone through the same feelings?  How did you know when the right time was to start the process?

TIA!

 

BabySweetPeasMom

Many people go through many stages - take comfort in knowning you are not alone in the way you feel.

 And many people have different feelings on the subject too. 

 Like, for us we'd always planned on adopting - IF just sped up the process for us.  And for us it was more as a way to build our family- not necessarily that I carried a child for 9 months.  My son is no less my son because he's adopted.  He's my son.

But you do need to be on the same page together.  And take time to grieve if you need to. There are several good books out there about grief and infertility. 

Oh, and I do know some people who have had biological children after adopting.  So that happens sometimes too.  Just don't 100% always count on it, you know?

In fact, we have a couple people here on the board who got pregnant while in the adoption process. 

 Anyway, good luck! 

Dragonfly_Bride

I'm still struggling with all this, too, so I'm not the best person to ask. I'm planning on reading the book "Adopting After Infertility" soon. I actually don't feel that I'll have any major problems transitioning from the want of carrying a child, to the actual adoption process, but I'm just not there yet.

Good luck!

Amy720

I think we always knew we would adopt if things didn't work out for us to have a biological child.  My brother is adopted and I can't imagine life without him.

We tried on our own for about 6 months then tried 3 IUI's and then went to adoption.  We had a failed adoption so then tried IVF.  After 2 IVF's and 2 miscarriages, I was through with all the shots and meds.  On Sunday I threw everything away from the RE's office and decided we would try to adopt again.  The next day we got a call about a baby who was already born.  We drove all night and picked up the baby from the hospital the next day.

I still sometimes get a little twinge of jealousy about those who seem to get pregnant so easily and don't understand everything we went through.  On the other hand, I can't imagine not having my son in my life.  He is the best gift from God, and I know that all along God had planned him for us.

Take time and work it out. We had to pray a lot about things, but God got us through and now I'm so happy!

gingerfamily

Thank you ladies.  You all seem so strong. 

Dr.Loretta

For me, I'm following DH's lead, since he's the one who still needs to wrap his head around all this. But I got to a point where any IF treatments were basically pointless, and I just know I want to be a mom. I don't have to have a child come out of me for that to happen. We'll still try the old fashioned way to have a biological child, but adoption is the route we're focusing on.

But each person comes to it in their own way and in their own time.

CaptainSerious

My husband and I both always wanted to adopt, and we are doing so now without having TTC first, like we were initially planning to.  I think it's just something that has to feel right for both of you, and it takes some getting used to the idea and all the changes that will mean for your family.

We decided we were ready to start a family, and to our surprise, circumstances in our lives made us realize that the conditions were perfect for us to do that through adoption now...even if that means we won't be able to conceive a biological child later.  We both acknowledged this and are okay with it, and so our option became clear.

Give it time, learn a bit about adoption, and talk about what you want out of your family life and parenting.  Like marriage, I think you will "just know" when the time is right.

Most of all, welcome to this board!  The women here are wonderful, and offer much support.

speak-ez

I know exactly how you feel and I think I felt the same way. I really had to grieve when we turned to adoption. We aren't closing the door on doing more fertility treatments in the future but we aren't counting on that either. We left our fertility treatments before the RE recommended which made it hard. Having my last RE appt where I had to say "this is it" was the hardest but also really helped me close that chapter in my life for now...

ppfbunny

We decided to pursue adoption after our 2nd failed IVF because we knew funds were running out - but we didn't plan to give up on trying biologically either. (fast forward 1 year later) Now that we have our sweet DD home with us I'm actually perfectly content with not trying any more biological attempts - we're happier than we had ever imagined and we're happy to be done.