Agency vs. Private Adoption (NY Ladies Esp.)

patchen30

I've been in touch w/ a family friend of mine re: some general questions about adoption and I wanted to run some of it by you ladies.

She recommended an agency over an attorney/private adoption mostly b/c she said you're on your own a lot more w/ everything w/o an agency and it's a TON of work. 

She recommended Spence-Chapin in NYC and I've been reading up on their website.  I was distraught to read that for domestic adoption, they only have 1 or 2 information sessions per year, and you can't even BEGIN the process until after you've attended one of them.  The next one MIGHT be in Sept. 

I understand Spence-Chapin has a great rep?  Does anyone have any thoughts on an agency vs. private adoption and this agency in particular?

Excuse my ignorance - I'm just starting out...

kgs0505

It depends a lot on what and attorney or facilitator may offer.  Some provide a lot more assistance than others, so you have to do your reseaarch.  You are also not stuck only looking at agencies in NYS.  You can work with ones outside of your state, you'll just have to get someone else to do your homestudy, which would be the case with a facilitator or an attorney anyway.

Spence-Chapin isn't the only agancy in NY, so take a look at the others that are out there. I actually know of another, at least you'll be able to compare and chat with them as well.  I'll PM you the link.

amm78

We chose to work with an agency because we were looking for a "one-stop-shopping" sort of thing where we could have our homestudy, counseling, etc, all done through the same place.  We also felt more comfortable having someone guide us through all of the steps.  We also liked that if we had a failed match, the money we have paid for everything, even counseling for the expectant mom, would roll over to the next match and we wouldn't lose anything.  So, for us, the agency was a better choice.  I know there are people on here who went the private adoption route and can provide more information about that.

I would definitely hate to have to wait months and months just to go to an informational session.  Our agency has info sessions once a month, so I'm sure that you can locate another agency in your area that offers this.  You might also choose to work with a nationwide agency instead of a local one.

Temp206787500007404

Private adoption isn't a "ton" of work.  I honestly think it's a "ton" less paperwork than an agency.  You don't have to apply to work with the attorney, you just have homestudy paperwork (which was pretty minimal in our case).

We searched for an attorney who didn't charge anything until finalization (meaning, she didn't charge a retainer, to show profiles, for matches, or for anything other than the actual legal work she did for us which was itemized on each bill).  She referred birthmothers to many resources in our area, including counseling (which was free of charge) and if those counseling resources didn't work out, as a last resort, we would pay for counseling.  She also had many social work resources and we got to choose our own private social worker for our homestudy.  The only work we had to do was setting up appointments with each of them and doing any necessary follow up on questions we had and deadlines, but I think you still have to do that with an agency -- the social worker and attorney took care of everything else without the overhead of an agency and we were allowed a lot more transparency and involvement in the process than I thought/felt we would get with an agency.

patchen30

kgs0505:

It depends a lot on what and attorney or facilitator may offer.  Some provide a lot more assistance than others, so you have to do your reseaarch.  You are also not stuck only looking at agencies in NYS.  You can work with ones outside of your state, you'll just have to get someone else to do your homestudy, which would be the case with a facilitator or an attorney anyway.

Spence-Chapin isn't the only agancy in NY, so take a look at the others that are out there. I actually know of another, at least you'll be able to compare and chat with them as well.  I'll PM you the link.

Thanks!

patchen30

amm78:

We chose to work with an agency because we were looking for a "one-stop-shopping" sort of thing where we could have our homestudy, counseling, etc, all done through the same place.  We also felt more comfortable having someone guide us through all of the steps.  We also liked that if we had a failed match, the money we have paid for everything, even counseling for the expectant mom, would roll over to the next match and we wouldn't lose anything.  So, for us, the agency was a better choice.  I know there are people on here who went the private adoption route and can provide more information about that.

I would definitely hate to have to wait months and months just to go to an informational session.  Our agency has info sessions once a month, so I'm sure that you can locate another agency in your area that offers this.  You might also choose to work with a nationwide agency instead of a local one.

Can you recommend any nation-wide agencies?

AuburnBride06

MrsB2007:

Private adoption isn't a "ton" of work.  I honestly think it's a "ton" less paperwork than an agency.  You don't have to apply to work with the attorney, you just have homestudy paperwork (which was pretty minimal in our case).

We searched for an attorney who didn't charge anything until finalization (meaning, she didn't charge a retainer, to show profiles, for matches, or for anything other than the actual legal work she did for us which was itemized on each bill).  She referred birthmothers to many resources in our area, including counseling (which was free of charge) and if those counseling resources didn't work out, as a last resort, we would pay for counseling.  She also had many social work resources and we got to choose our own private social worker for our homestudy.  The only work we had to do was setting up appointments with each of them and doing any necessary follow up on questions we had and deadlines, but I think you still have to do that with an agency -- the social worker and attorney took care of everything else without the overhead of an agency and we were allowed a lot more transparency and involvement in the process than I thought/felt we would get with an agency.

This. Exactly. Not really sure what "work" she thinks a private adoption involves. It was actually a fairly easy & quick process, not to mention how much more affordable it is compared to paying a brick & mortar place that has employees, power bills, building rent, etc. We gave our profiles to our attorney in Feb. 2010, matched in August and our sweet baby was born in October. No way we would we have had that kind of experience with any of the agencies around here.

It's all about finding a reputable attorney. No wait lists, no approval process to even get the chance to get on a wait list. Yea, not much work really.

slaintexas

I sent you a PM.

patchen30

AuburnBride06:

MrsB2007:

Private adoption isn't a "ton" of work.  I honestly think it's a "ton" less paperwork than an agency.  You don't have to apply to work with the attorney, you just have homestudy paperwork (which was pretty minimal in our case).

We searched for an attorney who didn't charge anything until finalization (meaning, she didn't charge a retainer, to show profiles, for matches, or for anything other than the actual legal work she did for us which was itemized on each bill).  She referred birthmothers to many resources in our area, including counseling (which was free of charge) and if those counseling resources didn't work out, as a last resort, we would pay for counseling.  She also had many social work resources and we got to choose our own private social worker for our homestudy.  The only work we had to do was setting up appointments with each of them and doing any necessary follow up on questions we had and deadlines, but I think you still have to do that with an agency -- the social worker and attorney took care of everything else without the overhead of an agency and we were allowed a lot more transparency and involvement in the process than I thought/felt we would get with an agency.

This. Exactly. Not really sure what "work" she thinks a private adoption involves. It was actually a fairly easy & quick process, not to mention how much more affordable it is compared to paying a brick & mortar place that has employees, power bills, building rent, etc. We gave our profiles to our attorney in Feb. 2010, matched in August and our sweet baby was born in October. No way we would we have had that kind of experience with any of the agencies around here.

It's all about finding a reputable attorney. No wait lists, no approval process to even get the chance to get on a wait list. Yea, not much work really.

She was saying that if you go w/ a private adoption, you have to "market yourself" - put your profile on a website, find ways to advertise yourself, deal w/ phone calls from BMs who can be emotionally compromised, etc.  And she said you have to get all of the professionals piece-meal - the home study, the attorney, etc. 

I know zero about it so I don't know how accurate this is.

Did you use a consultant?  Or was your attorney able to orchestrate everything between you and all the other parties?

Temp206787500007404

We used the same attorney as Auburn.  Our attorney had a network of professionals she works with regularly and provided us with the information.  The only one we had to use was a social worker...the other professionals were for the birthmother and either she or the social worker set that up with the birthmom, we didn't have any part of that.  I called the social workers and found one I really liked.  I referred Auburn to our social worker and I believe they used her as well.

There are really only two professionals you need.  Social worker for homestudy.  Attorney for legal stuff.  Attorney showed our profiles.  Facilitators are illegal in our state and AP's are not allowed to advertise themselves in any way except through an agency or attorney, so both facilitators and consultants wouldn't have worked for us.  We didn't have to do anything but put together a profile book, have copies made, and provide them to our attorney.  If she needed more she requested them.

Not sure what other professionals you would have to put together.

You're still going to deal with phone calls from birthmothers, even if you go through an agency, unless you want a closed match post-birth or no contact.  We felt like the relationship we got to form with our birthmother was worth the "hassle" of having direct contact with her.  However, you could still do all contact through the attorney...you're just going to pay for it.

noonecarewhoiam

We used Spence-Chapin for our second adoption, but it was IA.

I don't think NY permits use of consultants/facilitators.

Honeydew1894

amm78:

We chose to work with an agency because we were looking for a "one-stop-shopping" sort of thing where we could have our homestudy, counseling, etc, all done through the same place.  We also felt more comfortable having someone guide us through all of the steps.  We also liked that if we had a failed match, the money we have paid for everything, even counseling for the expectant mom, would roll over to the next match and we wouldn't lose anything.  So, for us, the agency was a better choice.  I know there are people on here who went the private adoption route and can provide more information about that.

I would definitely hate to have to wait months and months just to go to an informational session.  Our agency has info sessions once a month, so I'm sure that you can locate another agency in your area that offers this.  You might also choose to work with a nationwide agency instead of a local one.

All of this is why we went with an agency as well. We plan to try private for a 2nd adoption, should we choose to have one. I'll send you a PM with our agency.