Need consequence help

Littlejen22

We were in DS' room and he pushed DD and she cried.  I picked her up and tried to leave him in his room for timeout since he was not playing nice.  He ran out of his room.  I went to her room and closed the door and DS freaked.  I told him to get in timeout and he freaked that he wanted to apologize and after doing that he freaked that he did not want timeout.  I tried to walk away and he grabs me and will not let go, I try to go downstairs and he cries "please don;t leave me".

 I need better suggestions b/c timeouts do not work for him.

Andrewsgal

I don't believe in TOs in rooms. Find a place that is a central location, your child can be supervised at all times, and above all  be consistant. 

I find that the parents that  I work with who say TOs don't work are not using the correctly.

docmay25

I agree that time outs in bedrooms are not ideal.  This method does not work for us when I have tried it and so I stopped.  I use a chair that DD has to sit in and it is not easy.  She is like the children on Supernanny running out of time out.  It isn't often that I have to use time out because she usually stops bad behvior with a warning, so when I do whe isn't very wiiling to stay there. 

I agree a little about it not working because you aren't doing it right.  With my DD I acknowledge that when it doesn't work it usually is because I have talked to her during the time out.  With my DS time outs never worked because he didn't care about them.  It did not bother him to sit in time out and because of this it didn't change the behavior.  My Ds responds better to having something taken away that he cares about and doing positive reinforcement when ever he is doing something good.

I suggest trying the time out in a chair or on a mat.  Make sure you don't talk to him but just keep putting him back if he leaves.  If you really feel that time outs aren't working then try something else like taking something away.  Is there something that he would really be upset if he didn't have it...a toy, favorite show etc?

Littlejen22

Thanks ladies.  And you are right, we don't use them right and that is why I am looking for help.  Definitely no defensiveness here!

Andrewsgal

Here are a few tips.

Pick a central location that you can observe the TO but out of the way enough that he is not the center of attention. -We use the second step of our stairs which are in the middle of our house but kind of out of the way.

Make the explanation very very simple no conversations- You hit your sister you need a time out to get yourself together- Don't engage in any arguing you are done talking

Continue to place him in TO until he stays-Saying the same thing over and over once again no arguing or talking to him, this could take 20-60-100 times, but the more you do it and the more consistent you are the easier it will become. My 2 year old knows where TO is and will put himself there if he hits. 

When the TO is over the behavior is explained with an alternative behavior- You are in TO because you hit your sister, we don't hit in our house we use our words when we are mad, next time say give me my toy back please

Forget about it! This is hard but once the TO is over the behavior should be forgotten and not brought up again. This is a downfall of mine I do find myself saying "this is the third time you have been in tO and hit your sister" 

Be consistent!! This is the most important, it takes time for behaviors to change don't expect immediate results.  

Pick two of the most important behavior you want to change (hitting, talking back, throwing, jumping on furniture...etc) start with two and those are the two you will put him in TO for every time, once you get a handle on these you can move on to other ones. Picking more will overwhelm you and you will fail. 

adri77

My son was the SAME way for timeouts.  He just wouldn't stay in the time out, and honestly, I don't have the time or the PATIENCE to battle time outs SuperNanny-style.  So I started following Love and Logic parenting strategies.  There are lots of stragegies to put into place before to avoid bad behavior, but kids are kids and are going to misbehave regardless.  The books suggests putting kids in there room and telling them they can come out when they are ready to be sweet boys/girls.  There are several suggestions for what to do when kids WON'T stay in their rooms.  One of them is turn the door knob around, which is what I did.  He gets locked in his room until he settles down and is acting appropriately.  then you open the door, give bigs hugs and kisses and go back to what you were doing.  It totally WORKS for us and has NOT made his room a negative/scary place.  In fact, in the 6 months I've been doing it, I've only had to put him in his room a handful of times.  As soon as he hears his room cue words ("uh oh, I'm sorry.") he immediately stops misbehaving, we rarely make it to the room.