Friends out there...

corndog8

Hi ladies -

I am thankful to have you all to talk to.  Is it me or does it seem that some of your friends (seems like all mine) have disappeared?  I told my dear, closest friends about the MC and D&C procedure last Thurs and now after that initial call I made (1 week ago), none have called to check in.  Am I being a baby or..... ?  I just feel like besides fam (mom, sister, aunt), my friends haven't asked if I'm ok.   Maybe they are just at a loss for words?  It just sucks thinking these are your closest friends and where did they go when you need them.   

Hubby is great but at times he doesn't understand how I feel.  He says it's probably harder for me as it was part of my body and he tries to understand, bless him.  He thinks more logically though, he is more -> problem, let's fix it.  I am thankful he's positive we'll try again as soon as we can, and grateful for that, but sometimes I need to feel sorrow and sadness and he isn't there anymore. 

thx for being there since I joined the board

T

MegMeg0913

I am so glad that you are here and are having people to talk to.  I don't know what I would have done with out everyone here.  

I don't think that you are being a baby at all.  I think it is not cool that people disappear when things are going bad for one of their friends.  I have had the same experience with my friends.  They have just disappeared.  It blows, but you learn who is gonna be there when you need them.   

Even if he doesn't understand, it is good that your Dh tries to help.   

Cow-girl

warning DD pics in siggy

I think that all to often our friends that are pg feel that miscarriage and pregnancy loss is contagious.  Like we have a disease and they just abandon us as to not "catch" it..  (even though it is completely ridiculous).

I think other friends just dont know how to be supportive.  They dont know how to handle a friend having a miscarriage, because for so many years women have suffered in silence.  Its really a shame and it makes me sad.  This is why I have been so set on speaking to people about it.

Im sorry your friends arent being supportive.  I dont think they truly can be supportive if they have never experienced it (or walked a mile in our shoes).  Im glad you found this board because you know we will all be here to support you!  ((hugs))

And as far as men my pastor cleared this up for me.  Men deal with grief differently.  And most men are good at "fixing things" and they get frustrated because they cant "fix" us - our emotions, our sadness, or our broken bodies.  Most of them deal by avoidance.

It is truly unfair.  But come here we will be here for you..  You sometimes find out who your true friends are when you go through something like this.

BritanyV

I agree with what everyone else had to say. 

Maybe for the 1st couple of days, I got the "I'm sorry's" and etc but past the 1st week, nothing.  I totally feel like I was left to deal with this on my own and that all my friends abandoned me too.

It's been 2 months and I'm still grieving and I wound having to break down to a friend recently and she was like "I didn't know you were still dealing with everything".   All I could think was "Of course you didn't know, you haven't asked me how I was doing since the week everything happened!"   What made it even worse with her is that she has had a miscarriage before so you would think she would understand more than any of my friends what I am going through!

I website for loss recently posted a challenge to bloggers and their first challenge was to write about something good/meaningful someone did for you during your loss and immediately I thought, "NOTHING!  They all ran away!"

 

 

 

corndog8

Thanks ladies... it's nice to know you are here.    DH - he is trying to more understand as I broke down the other day and we talked about alot of stuff.  I hope that this makes us stronger and have a little worry that it will harm us.. i guess that's normal. 

You are all great - hugs!!  Yes, my husband's one friend's wife is preg. and I thought maybe she would have reached out, but no.. and then I wonder as mentioned above, maybe they think it's contagious?  or friends that just had a baby are wrapped up in their happiness (which I don't blame them for at all) that they forget us.   But I think I agree that maybe the others don't know how to act or what to say as they haven't been through it, but then i think, well how about, how's your day going?  You ok today?  Need to talk?    That might help.  

 thanks for the hugs and back at you woman!

Daisy07gray

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It seems a common theme- but that doesn't make it less hurtful.  Most just don't know what to say, some are uncomfortable or may have gone through it themselves but not be in a place to help or talk.  Just do what you can to take care of yourself now and, when you can, express your gratitude to friends and family who have been able to be supportive.