Separation anxient & school?

brownie123

I SAH with my girls, so they have never been in daycare or preschool (yet).  I do a ton of activities with them, but it's I'm always there with them.  Anyhow, I signed up DD#1 (who's almost 3) for a little preschool program put on by our community, where we go once a week for 2 hours, and she gets to be in a preschool setting while I'm still in the building, but upstairs having discussions with other parents.  It has been HORRIBLE.  Today was the 3rd week and she cried almost the whole time, she doesn't want me to leave her and just cries for me (I could hear her from upstairs!).

I just don't know if it's worth the stress and grief it's causing her - and me right now.  I'm pretty much thinking of putting this on hold for now - it's definitely not necessary, I just thought it might be fun (boy was I wrong!)

Anyhow - I'd love to hear similar stories of children with separation anxiety issues and how they were going into preschool and kindergarten (or any grade!).  I'm thinking maybe she's just not ready and if I giver her time it will get better (at least a little bit)? 

I'm really torn about the whole situation.  I know I'm getting ahead of myself, as she's barely 3.  But of course it has me thinking about "real" school.

I need some encouragement, pls!

 

 

ccm1203

I definitely would not pull her from school. Has her teacher given you any suggestions on how to deal with the separation?  If the teacher has no suggestions perhaps you should look into another preschool setting.    Sometimes having some sort of a lovey to bring in helps them with the anxiety.

neverblushed

My kids were cared for primarily by 3 people: me, my H, and my mom.  Because of my odd work schedule, they had not done many toddler/preschool activities or playgroups before starting preschool.  They had very little exposure to other kids.

My DD was resilient, and started preschool the week she turned 3 with little anxiety.

My DS was another story!  He was very attached to me and had a more difficult time adjusting to school.  In fact, on the first day, I left him crying and went directly to my mom's work where I broke down and cried!  I'll tell you what my mom told me, which was really helpful:

"Look, the goal is to help him become more independent.  He's not going to grow MORE independent by spending another school year at home with you."

As usual, she was right.  My son's 3 year preschool program was a mere 2 days a week, for only 2 hours at a time.  It took several sessions for him to leave me without tears.  It took several months for him to loosen up and enjoy the activities at school.  It took most of his 4 year old year for him to develop actual friends and become brave enough to do playdates solo at another kid's house.  By the time he started kindergarten, my shy little guy hopped on that big yellow bus without a look backwards!  He's still on the quiet side, but he has many friends and he's very comfortable at school.   I still think he met all these important preschool and kindergarten milestones earlier than he would have if he'd continued to stay sheltered under my wing!

In fact, I'd venture to say that a once-a-week program is almost harder than a 2, 3, or 5 day program.  A week is an eternity to a child at 3.  It's harder to get into the routine.  Each visit seems like an out-of-the-norm ordeal to the child.  When she is ready for "real" preschool, you might look into a 3-day program.  My son went from 2 mornings a week at age 3 to 5 afternoons a week at age 4.  The every day routine was actually easier for him emotionally. 

Hang in there!  It really will get better.  Step forward into this next stage of your DD's life with confidence, and the confidence will rub off on her.  You're not doing the wrong thing, just because she's having trouble making the adjustment!  You're doing the right thing. 

brownie123

neverblushed:

In fact, I'd venture to say that a once-a-week program is almost harder than a 2, 3, or 5 day program.  A week is an eternity to a child at 3.  It's harder to get into the routine.  Each visit seems like an out-of-the-norm ordeal to the child.  When she is ready for "real" preschool, you might look into a 3-day program.  My son went from 2 mornings a week at age 3 to 5 afternoons a week at age 4.  The every day routine was actually easier for him emotionally. 

See, that's what I'm thinking too.  I wasn't even planning on putting her in any kind of preschool until at least September or January of next year.  This program had low attendance, and the facilitators were just calling parents of kids in the community that were 3 - 5 years old (which my DD isn't even 3 yet) to see if they were interested.  I thought - why not.  I hadn't even heard of the program. It's only an 8 week program, too.  We've gone 3 times and like I said, it's been horrible.  I don't know.  I kind of feel that maybe an extra 6 months - 1 year might really help her be more "ready" emotionally.  At which point I would enroll her in a "real" preschool where she would go 2 or 3 days/week and it would become more routine and easier to adjust to.

brownie123

ccm1203:

I definitely would not pull her from school. Has her teacher given you any suggestions on how to deal with the separation?  If the teacher has no suggestions perhaps you should look into another preschool setting.    Sometimes having some sort of a lovey to bring in helps them with the anxiety.

The teacher has given me great suggestions and I've worked with my DD - I honestly just don't feel that she's emotionally ready.  I'm thinking of "real" preschool in the Fall or next January.  This is only an 8-week, once/week program - it's just been a bad experience!

NandN2005

I'm super, super late to this, but I can relate, at least somewhat. Both of my girls are very reserved and shy. For my oldest at 2 1/2 - 3 or so I became worried because she was so clingy that she would be a mess when it came time for preschool school (at that time we were going to do 2 years of preschool with her starting at 4). I did have her in a couple of programs that met either weekly or every other week for an hour or so, but other than that she was home with me. As if by magic at 3 1/2 or so she slowly came out of her shell and became more confident and able to separate from me more easily. My second daughter is just now 3 1/2 and literally last night my husband and I were chatting how she too, is starting to become more confident in social situations. I really think truthfully that we sometimes push the whole separation issue when our kids aren't ready and that if given at least some short amount of time to practice separation, they'll do it when they are good and ready. So my advice is, if it's horrible for her and you, take her out and try again later. I would though look for small opportunities for her to start to practice being around more than just you. Our library had a great program where parents were encouraged to attend with their kids until they were ready to do it on there own (she could start her very close to you and then as the class times go on, you could start standing in the back of the room, and then eventually moving out side of the classroom etc). Maybe there is some sort of program like that available in your area?