New/struggleing

Jered&Gena

Hey, Im new-ish. Been reading post on here for support but its not really enough. We had our first BFP Dec 13, and we'r so excied. We had been try for about 4 cycles. We had a m/c last spring (at about 4w) when we were on the pill,, but didnt even realize we were pregant untill way later, so it wasnt as tramitic, because we had no idea what was going on, we were kina rookies. This time we were so happy, we wernt goning to tell anyone, because of what had happend last time, but couldnt hold it in. We waited till we were 6w thinking it was safer then to tell people.

We went for our 2nd ultrasound Jan 8th they saw the baby, but no h/b and it only measures 6w 3d. We were heart broken, we still are. I took a pill to help it happen naturaly, but on Jan 14 we had a D/C. The Dr. Said I cried the whole time and asked over and over it they were "sure the baby was dead". I have no recolection of it.

Im so angry and hurt, I dont know what to do. I feel cheated, and like nothing else matters.

It was two weeks yesterday that we found out we would never hold our baby, and these last two weeks have been the hardest on our marriage. I dont know what to do.

Mr&Mrs.B

I am so sorry for your loss, and so sorry that you have to be on this board.  I have my D&C tomorrow.  I hope that you can find some support and a little comfort from the women on this board.  It is nice having someone to share the exact same feelings, hurts, and the anger that we all feel through this process.  I just pray that at this time, you and your husband can become stronger through this process.  We battled infertility for over 3 years, and that first year, I thought it was going to be the end of us.  But, through these trials, we become stronger and so much closer.  I hope that you and your husband can really lean on each other during this time.  Even though we may be so caught up in our emotions, we forget that our loss, is our husband's loss, too, and they just don't have the same way of expressing their hurt.  Sending lots of (((HUGS))) your way.  

MrsMitty08

I am so sorry for your loss.  Lean on your husband to help you through your grief and allow him to lean on you, too.  You have to work as a team to get through this difficult stage. 

I wish I had more words to console you....it's such a horrible feeling and I never really thought I'd go through all of the stages of grief, but now at 7 1/2 weeks post m/c, I definitely have gone through the denial, guilt, and anger.  I hope I'll start the healing process more when AF returns and I feel somewhat normal but until then I think it's normal to just let your body and mind heal.

And come to this board often, if anything, they will help you feel like you are not alone.

Jered&Gena

Thank you for the encouragement. Im sorry you have had to go through so much your self. you sound very strong. I see you just recently lost as well, Im so sorry. Thanl you for being here.

I dont even know what to say

Jered&Gena

Im sorry to hear of your loss. has it gotten better? I just dont see a light at the end of this tunnel. Im so tired of being sad. Have you been able to find somthing to brign you any joy? Nothing makes me happy right now. Im sorry to be such a downer.

Jered&Gena

Thank you for your reply,

I really want to have children, and I beged DH for 1 and half years to let us try. The hardest thing for me now is that he wount let me try aging. I waited like a good girl then me m/c and now I have to wait all over again!  He wount even talk about it. He wants to wait a YEAR!!!! All I want is to be pregnant, and Im very angry at him because he knows Im hurting, and he know I want to try but he wount budge.

But hes also very sweet and I love him, I just dont understand any of this. Im totaly broken.

I just want hope for the future.

Is anyone else in disagreement about when to TTC again?

MegMeg0913

My husband is the same way.  He was so scared and freaked out by this last loss that he really wants to wait.   He also seems to think that even TTC again will upset me if it doesn't happen right away.  

There is hope for the future!  I know it does not feel like it now, but it will get better I promise.  ~big hugs~   

JThomas221

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's been two weeks for me as well, and it's been a struggle. There are times when I feel like DH is the only one keeping me sane, and then other times I feel like he doesn't understand my pain at all. Everyone grieves differently and it's hard sometimes to accept others' ways of grieving. It's still so fresh, do you think that your DH is just reacting to the loss by wanting to wait again? I know it's hard, but I would give him some time to work through his feelings. You never know, once you get the go ahead to start trying again, your DH may feel ready too. ((Big hugs)) Come here as often as you like, this board is a wonderful place for support!

MDT082010

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I feel the same way you do - it just isn't fair. Every day I get more and more depressed.

 My husband is trying really hard to be supportive, but I don't think men feel the same way we do (in my case at least.) He did cry a little in the ED, but now is acting back to normal.  I don't want to cook dinner or do anything. I can barely bring myself to shower.

 My Mom has a miscarriage before she had me. Yesterday she told me that you never get over the loss and you need to allow yourself time to grieve. I need to stop trying to rush my healing. I just feel so empty inside now.

This board has been great comfort to me and I hope it does the same for you.

Jered&Gena

My hubby is the same. He is getting mad at me for the order of the house. And ladys its really not bad, it just not perfect the way he likes. Like you siad I can barley function, Im cleaning things that need to be done, but Im not going to put all my energy into it! I need that energy just to make it through the day.