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Big life changes after a loss?

Froggy76Froggy76 member
in TTC After a Loss

I got an e-mail from a recruiter yesterday for a job that sounds interesting.  I spoke to him today and I'm even more interested now.  The problem is, it would require relocating from Philly to NH.  I also really like my current job.  But part of me has always dreamed of living in a small town in NE near the ocean, and this fits the bill!

What I'm worried about is that I'm just looking for things to do since my loss.  This would be a big life change and give me something else to think about.  From what I've read about grieving, you're not supposed to make any major changes right away.

Has anyone drastically changed their life after a loss?

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Re: Big life changes after a loss?

  • PachitaPachita member
    My life hasn't changed too much.  I think personally, I'm less social. I go to less family get togethers on the weekend.  I remember during Christmas Eve...I was really quiet and reserved...unlike me.  Some of my relatives asked my Mom what was up with me.  A whole lot was going on with me that time....I had a digital BFP 2 days ago and a digital BFN that morning.....so, yeah...I was definitely not myself, and really haven't been my full  self yet.  Just thinking about it makes me sad.  TTC should be a joyous and exciting time, but not the case for me and unfortunately, for many of us on TTCAL can relate.

    BFP#1: 7/14/10.  EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
    BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
    BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby!                                                                                                                                           BFP #4:  2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15                                                                                                                                                                                      BFP #5:  4/5/15   EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)

    BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
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  • SweetBaby2004SweetBaby2004

    I accepted a new job 2 days before we found out our son was gone.  Now I am soooo grateful to have a new job waiting for me on Monday.  I couldn't handle going back and having everyone know, say stupid stuff, etc. 

    We are also looking to buy a house soon, but we have been working on that for about two months.  It is giving me other things to focus on.

    DD#1 11/7/04 DS#1 6/24/06 Chemical Pregnancy 6/08 DD#2 1/28/10 after secondary infertility, Clomid, & acupuncture missed m/c 6/2010 at 8 weeks (baby stopped growing @ 5.5) DS born sleeping 1/13/2011 due to cord accident at 22 weeks. DD#3 3/10/2012
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  • jertiejertie member
    No big changes for me.  Except I'm not nearly as driven as I used to be.  Things that seemed important before (i.e. work) don't really hold me anymore.  I also am even more selfish with my time.  If I don't want to do something, I don't do it.  I will say though, DH and I seriously thought about selling everything, quitting our jobs and moving very far away.  Then 2 weeks passed and we went back to work.  GL with whatever you decide - sometimes a fresh start can be just what you need - or comfort of the usual is nice too!

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  • tdmd09tdmd09 member

    I haven't done any drastic changes. I applaud you for questioning your motives on such a big change, though. I would encourage you to talk to your DH/SO and see how this change would impact him and what his thoughts are. Would you need to sell your house? What's cost of living like? Will DH be able to find a job too? Will you be moving closer to or farther away from a support system for you guys? Etc., etc.

    I hope you guys come up with a solution that works for both of you. If moving and taking the job fits the bill, then congratulations and good luck. :)

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  • CrazyCurlsCrazyCurls

    We were going through a pretty big change during the m/c.  We had just moved back to our hometown.  We were living with my parents while we started new jobs and saved for a down payment and house hunted.

    It was pretty stressful.  I didn't even tell my parents until the day of the D&C.  Living with them, we were just 'too' close.  I didn't want to get pity stares every day.

    http://lifewithcrazycurls.blogspot.com/
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  • FmrAFBratFmrAFBrat member
    I've started to look for a new job after the loss.  I'm in therapy and just starting to realize that the situation there has contributed to so much of my unhappiness.  One of my bosses is a bully & he has made my life hell since I got back (even though I hit my numbers while I was in the hospital & since). I'm just focusing on me right now and what can make me happy now, especially if I'm unable to concieve again. At least I'll have something.
    TTC January 2010
    BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10, 10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2 12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP #4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
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  • tiffany119tiffany119 member

    I'm a big fan of "fresh starts" (I grew up a military brat - so that could be why..)

    I think as long as you and DH talk things through (men seem to be more rational than us - most of the time at least) and you're both on the same page, make sense practically, financially and for the family you're trying to build - why not?

    I know they say that about grief, but honestly.. I think grief also pushes us beyond our comfort zones. It leads us to talk about and experience things we otherwise (in our guarded states) might not do or say! And I think that's refreshing.  Everyone handles things differently, but this grief is giving me a new perspective on life, and helping me to see things more clearly than before.

    I really hope you come to a decision easily! Big hugs to you Big Smile

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  • millejj1millejj1 member

    imagejertie:
    No big changes for me.  Except I'm not nearly as driven as I used to be.  Things that seemed important before (i.e. work) don't really hold me anymore.  I also am even more selfish with my time.  If I don't want to do something, I don't do it. 

    Are you in my head and I don't know it. I could have written this exact thing. I was just telling DH the other night that things I used to jump in full throttle barely have my attention anymore, I can't be focused at work to save my life half the time, and I'm super selfish with my time now.

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  • PrincessVBPrincessVB member


     

    I've been in a miserable job for the last three years.  High turn over and they "restructure" the department every 6 months.  I was looking before the BFP.  After the m/c I couldn't handle the stress of it all.  Now I've been putting an application in a day.  Was supposed to have an interview today, but snow storm messed that up.  

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