NSAHR: Am I being too sensitive or is this inappropriate?

wifeandmama

My parents separated in September.  They are going through a now very nasty divorce.  They are both dating.

ANYWAY.  My grandmom's (mom's mom) surprise birthday is on Saturday.  My mom has "issues" with her family so she will not be attending.  My dad, however, is (he is very close to my mom's family). ... but he is bringing his brand new girlfriend.  She is also divorcing (just filed 2 weeks ago!) and just seems very flakey and has hurt my dad a few times already.

I have/had no desire to meet any new boyfriends/girlfriends until they are serious.  My dad brought her girlfriend, unannounced, to my house last weekend.  I thought it was weird but that's my dad.  So anyway, he just told me that he plans to bring her to my grandmom's party.  I stuttered and asked if he told the host because I just found it so freaking weird and inappropriate.  They have been dating for such a short period of time and with my mom's "issues" with  her family, I feel like this is just adding fuel to the fire.   I KNOW she will be furious about this and that my grandmom might feel uncomfortable (she has told me she thinks he is "moving too fast).  He also told my sister we have to make her comfortable, so are we expected to babysit this strange new person instead of enjoying a family party???  In all honesty, I really have been hurt by this divorce and don't want to know any new SO's anytime in the future.

So do you think I am just overly sensitive because of the divorce or is my dad acting inappropriately bringing her to the party?  Sorry this is rambly!

eaglesfan700

Umm, no.  That is totally weird and inappropriate.  I would tell my dad to seriously consider not bringing the gf or to just not attend at all.

I think your dad got the shaft in all the backstory, but this will seriously not help the situation AT ALL

app1e3

I agree, that's if very inappropriate and don't think you have one iota of obligation to making her feel comfortable. I hope your father can see your POV and understand your feelings. GL

JoyfulW&M

I don't think you are being too sensitive, it is inappropriate especially in the midst of a divorce. Maybe after the divorce is settled I could understand, however this is your Grandmom's birthday, a time for your family to get together and relax and enjoy each others company without reminders of a very difficult time in your families lives right now. Your father should respect that without being offended.

I would talk to him, be repectful about it, not confrontational. Let him know how uncomfortable your grandmother will be and how this party is about her, not him showing off his new girl. That there is time enough in the future to get to know the girl. But now is not the time.

I hope this helps

lms_bride

Sorry you are having to deal with this, especially your parents divorce.

No I don't think you're being oversensitive.  Your dad is being undersensitive.  My good friend's parents divorced a couple years ago (after 30+ years of marriage).  Her dad started dating a woman about a year ago but has not pushed her on my friend and I know she is glad about that.  Your dad needs to leave her behind, in my opinion.  But I'm not sure how/if you tell him that.  I guess since it's not your party, you don't.  

ericanandy

Knowing a lot of the backstory I feel like your dad is either 

a) trying to feed into hurting your mom or

b) trying to overcompensate and show how "happy" he is now

I don't blame you for being hurt or "weirded" out by this. I think that you should enjoy yourself and be civil to her but it's not your sister or your responsibility to babysit her. I hope though your dad lets the hosts know she's coming.  Hopefully they can head off the drama by saying it's probably not her place to come just yet.

Hang in there!   

 

axr8111

I'm sorry to say this but your dad sounds like a jerk. I wouldn't go to the party and I wouldn't allow this new girlfriend into my house again until they were engaged. I'd just say, sorry we're busy if he shows up again.  

Notwifezilla7

This is your mom's mom right?
If so, then this is the not the appropriate venue for your father to introduce his new GF, regardless of the terms in which your mom & dad divorced. From what I have gathered based on others posts, its seems as if your father got the short end of the stick w/the divorce and by acting in the manner any sympathy that might have been directed towards him would for sure fly out the window if he were to walk in w/another woman.

I think the best solution is to either broach the subject by either commenting that your grandmother feels too uncomfortable to ask him not to bring the new GF or be blunt and say that you & your sis don't think it's apporpriate for him to bring the new GF. Perhaps you could C&P this entire thread and let him know what virtual friends think of this situation too!