Parenting

Just got off the phone with Josh's bio dad's wife

Josh's bio dad was never really in the picture...saw him twice in Josh's entire life.  Signed away his parental rights when Josh was 7 yrs old so my exhusband could adopt him when we got married.

Well somehow the guy's wife found me on FB and sent me a message wanting to talk.  So I gave her my phone number.  She called me this morning & we talked for 2 hours.  She sounds really nice.  She told me that her dh wants to get in touch with Josh and stuff.  We both agreed that its something that is gonna have go slowly if at all.  The guy is scared and doesnt want to screw things up or upset Josh.  I honestly dont know how Josh would feel about it all.  He's never said anything about his bio dad.

This is alot for me to take in & not sure what I'm gonna do or how I'm gonna proceed.

 

Josh-10/1/87, Brittany 3/9/91, Mandi 7/26/92, Michelle 9/11/06 image I'M GRAPE JELLY- ALWAYS AROUND & ALWAYS THE SAME If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me. For I must be traveling on now. Because there are too many places I've got to see. -Allen Collins & Ronnie VanZant My favorite verse!

Re: Just got off the phone with Josh's bio dad's wife

  • That's a lot to handle. I'd mention it to Josh. He's old enough to decide what he wants to do with it, if anything. Maybe he will want to contact him, maybe not. I think it's up to him to decide, though, and I think you should be the one to talk to him first.

    Be open-minded, supportive, and whatever he decides, that is the right decision.

    GL!

  • imagepeekaboo716:

    That's a lot to handle. I'd mention it to Josh. He's old enough to decide what he wants to do with it, if anything. Maybe he will want to contact him, maybe not. I think it's up to him to decide, though, and I think you should be the one to talk to him first.

    Be open-minded, supportive, and whatever he decides, that is the right decision.

    GL!

    All of this...he's old enough to make the decision, you just need to let him make it, which means letting him know the option is out there.  If he says "no" support him.  If he says "yes" then find out how he wants to go about it, and support him. 

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  • imageNewNameSameGame:
    imagepeekaboo716:

    That's a lot to handle. I'd mention it to Josh. He's old enough to decide what he wants to do with it, if anything. Maybe he will want to contact him, maybe not. I think it's up to him to decide, though, and I think you should be the one to talk to him first.

    Be open-minded, supportive, and whatever he decides, that is the right decision.

    GL!

    All of this...he's old enough to make the decision, you just need to let him make it, which means letting him know the option is out there.  If he says "no" support him.  If he says "yes" then find out how he wants to go about it, and support him. 

    I think this is great advice.  If Josh says no I would be completely supportive but do not be scared to ask him why so that he has the chance to voice how he feels and makes sure for himself that he is making the best decision.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • So glad you had a positive interaction!  Seems like Josh can make his own choices on this one.  It may be tough for you to put your own feelings aside to advise him objectively, but I suppose I'd say that as an adult, you can never have too many people in your life that care about you.  I would mention to Josh that his Bio father is feeling some uncertainty/insecurity about being reunited...to let Josh know that he is the one with the power to determine the course here, and that even hardened adults feel fear of rejection!  

    It seems like the best outcome is that Josh has an opportunity to build what may be a valuable relationship in his life.  The worst outcome...it doesn't work out and Josh may get some closure regarding the role of this man in his life. (an issue that although he hasn't mentioned it, may still weigh on his mind) 

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