Finding myself in denial

ligeia18

I don't know if I've gone into the denial part of grief, but every once in a while I start to think, what if I'm still pregnant? What if the blood tests were wrong, my intense heavy bleeding was nothing, the ultrasound tech was inexperienced, and I'm really still chugging along?

 It's wishful thinking and it makes me sad. I know I had a miscarriage. No pregnancy could survive the amount of bleeding I went through, plus my betas were 260 in the am of my m/c day (one week ago) and and 180 in the pm in the ER. But every once in a while my mind wanders back to the denial part and I have to convince myself that my pregnancy really is over.

Does anyone else do this?

tiffany119

Uh, YEAH! Just today I was thinking - maybe the b/w on Friday will show that this was all one big mistake! You hit the nail on the head..there's no way any baby could survive that amount of bleeding. I saw way too much tissue for this whole thing to be a mistake.

I'm bouncing between denial and anger (at the world) and wanting to TTC... like RIGHT NOW..even though I know that's not healthy for me or DH. And the lack of sleep is ridiculous. I don't even want to sleep...cause when I do, its just terrible nightmare after nightmare.

Big hugs to you.

queenalexandra

Yeah.  I had a dream that it was just a nightmare. It crossed my mind for a moment to not get a D&C, just in case they were wrong.  I never bled a drop, so it was very difficult for me to get my head around "miscarriage".   Now I feel like I'm in denial that I was ever pregnant, just so I don't lose it.

ziggy23213

This thought has definitely crossed my mind, too, even though I know it's not true. My hcg kept going up even after my first ultrasound when i was measuring behind, so I can't help thinking it, even though I know in my heart that all this bleeding would make it impossible.

tonesq

I was in denial for a week. My doctor let me have extra ultrasounds at different locations for reassurance. It helped me accept the outcome of my pregnancy.