So, BM is getting her own apartment

karatechrissy

I've been seeing this slowly coming for a couple of weeks now, but didn't know it would REALLY happen.

SS has been coming home saying things like 'my mom doesn't sleep with super douche, she sleeps with me' and stories of them fighting and saying horrible things to each other. Mind you, we don't ask for this information, he randomly brings these thigns up while were talking about batman or something. It's beyond random.

SS called DH Sunday night, as it wasBM's Sunday this week, and she had collected him earlier that morning. They were talking about how he was going to start baseball in the next couple of weeks and in the middle of conversation SS says 'Dad, super douche doesn't love my mom anymore'. DH kept talking about baseball and SS said nothing further.

The next day BM starts posting all these sad lyrics from songs on FB. It went on all day. You know when you log on your computer and it shows 'top news' first? Yea the first like 7 posts were from her.

Today rolls around and she texted DH and asked if we had an extra bed she could have. She said super douche is divorcing her and she has to get an apartment in the next week and get out of his house. We don't have an extra bed, as we gave SS's todler bed away when we moved the guest bedroom set in his room once we started getting it ready for Lilly. She said if we have any 'extra stuff' that she would be happy to take it.

I'm not sure what to think. I mean, I feel bad for her, as this is her second failed marriage that lasted a year and a few months, but also because SS has an emotional tie to super douche and is going to be sad. I know DH and I have our own feelings about super douche, but to SS he's a male parental figure in his life and has been for quite a substantial amount of time, considering how young he is. I don't know if they have sat him down and talked to him or what. I'm just very concerned about what this means for SS. BM told DH that she took him to look at apartments and he cried and cried and said he didn't want to move.

Has anyone dealt with this? What kind of answers do we give SS when he asks us questions? I mean, we don't really know any details, and would not divulge them to him even if we did, but what kinds of things do we say? How do we reassure him  that everything in this house is okay still? Do you think DH should talk to BM and get a better idea of what SHE would like him to say? I'm sure she is going to be nicey nicey for the next long while because now she's going to be on her own.

Secondly, do I send out my condolances to her? I know personally I would like that but that's me. I'm just a very emotional person and would appreciate the sentiment. I don't want her to think I'm trying to be condescending or for her to take it that I'm throwing it in her face. I know how she is and I know she can twist things to make herself look like the victim. I would just like to tell her I'm sorry for what she's going through, and if she needs any help with anything to let us know. (I'm talking like if she needs help moving or what not). WDYT?

Littlejen22

I do not have much advice but I would just tell her that you are sorry that she is going through a rough time and know that when everything settles that she will come out on top.  I would not tell her you are sorry her marriage failed - b/c you are married to her ex and it can sound condescending but also b/c she knows you hated him.

As for the rest, if there is anything that you can think of that you might be able to give her it might be worth it just to make her feel like you tried, even if it is something small.

jpowell3

 Do you think DH should talk to BM and get a better idea of what SHE would like him to say? Yes I think this is a great idea. That way there will be a united front.

Secondly, do I send out my condolances to her? Yes, I like the way LittleJen suggested.

Also, if you guys can afford it to help get ds a little more excited about his room can you help buy his bed & decorate? A new bedspread, window covers and maybe a matching rug would go a long way. I think if you guys helped move & they stay for pizza afterwards would make the day better rather than tragic for him. (if you guys are on friendly enough terms)

Mrs.Astros_Fan

SD's BM is going through a divorce right now.  They were married for 4 years, but he was a nice guy, I thought.  BM and I haven't talked directly about it - I've just made sure she knows that we can assist with transportation for SD or letting her know SD can come hang with us whenever she needs it.  She has taken us up on that because she needed some time to deal with her emotions.

One thing that has affected us is that BM really relied on her H financially, so she doesn't have extra cash like she used to for splitting costs for SD.  We've paid a lot more of her share than we have before, mainly because we don't want SD to miss out on doing things. 

I forget why you call the guy Super Douche, but if he really is, then it's a good thing that they're splitting now.  How old is SS?  Two?  He's going to be fine and eventually won't remember the idiot. 

karatechrissy

Mrs.Astros_Fan:

I forget why you call the guy Super Douche, but if he really is, then it's a good thing that they're splitting now.  How old is SS?  Two?  He's going to be fine and eventually won't remember the idiot. 

He is 4. He had just turned 3 when BM met super douche.

I call him super douche because he is. He has made the past year and a few months hell. He tells SS that his friends at karate (the business we own) aren't his friends, and he can't play with them. He has told him that the dogs at our house are not his dogs and isn't allowed to love them (which resulted in a week of SS hitting the dogs and kicking them and telling them he hates them, until we sat him down and told him this is unacceptable. He then told us what super douche has told hiim. We explained that his dogs love him and THEY.ARE.HIS. he then immediatly cried and kissed and hugged the dogs and told him he was sorry and he loved them. Talk about emotional torment). He threatens suicide in front of SS. He has told SS that DH is not his daddy and to call him daddy. That was a fun battle. He was ringleader in getting SS a 22 riffle for Christmas (that was taken back to the store after legal action was threatened). He has verbally abused me in telling me to stay out of SS's life and that I have 'no right to interact with him the way I do'. I guess me makikng him meals and cleaning his clothes and saying I love you has just crossed the line :-/. There was more to that but that's the jist. We found we had a few mutual friends we didn't know about, and he has gone to them and has said a LOT of crap that's not true to them. He is just someone who has become so difficult to deal with I cringe any time he comes to the door to pick up SS. I'm glad to be getting rid of him. However, who is to say the next guy won't be worse. I really hope whoever BM decides to get involved with he is a good guy and doesn't like the drama like this guy does.

That's why I call him super douche. Most of the time it isn't even BM we have issues with. It's super douche. DH has had a many conferentations with him. DH can't even be in the room when he picks up SS. He can't look at him. I wish I could write everything that's happened. lol. It's just been a real roller coaster.

Thanks for your advice everyone. I appreciate it.