to tell/not to tell work about d&c? (DD in siggy)

Mary0913

We just found out today that our baby stopped growing at 5 weeks, 3 days (I should be 9 weeks).  I'll be going in on Monday for a D&C and I'm torn about what to tell work.  This is my first year in a new school and, while I really like everyone, I'm not really prepared to share this kind of information.  What do you think I should say? - or should I just be honest?

babyonmind

I'm a pretty open and honest person - so my boss knew I was going through a MC...I took a few days off just to deal. I mean, I can't think of anything bad they could do with that information except be more empathetic of my situation, so that's how I saw it.

 

I think it's a pretty personal decision, though, you could just say you're not feeling well. 

AustinBride06

Two friends at work know about my pregnancy/miscarriage and that's it.  I didn't end up having to have a D&C though.  I think if I had, I would definitely tell my supervisor and probably a select few people on a need-to-know basis.  As of now, I'm relieved that I don't have to tell anyone.  It helps me to be able to be "normal" at work (or try to be anyway).  But having a couple of friends that know help too because they've been checking in on me discreetly, which has been nice.

ETA: I will add that I am in the middle of going for a promotion and my team has been reduced by 66%.  Not that that SHOULD have anything to do with anything, but it's just a really vulnerable transitional time for me right now career-wise and I don't want personal things affecting that right now.  Otherwise I probably would have told a lot more people about this pregnancy to begin with.

afrate1

So I was in the same situation last week - 8 weeks FP along and miscarried. I called my boss and told her why I ws not going to be at work. I didn't even tell my family about the pregnancy yet. She totally understood and did not tell my staff why I was out. Some things are better not said if you don't want people swooning over your uncomfortable feelings. Do what makes you comfortable though.... hope this helps

I am sorry for your loss.  

 

Froggy76

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I decided not to tell anyone at work.  I went in for an u/s on a Friday morning, found out the baby had no hb, and scheduled a D&E for that afternoon.  I called my boss to tell him I had received bad news at the doctor's office and I wouldn't be coming in to work.  I also e-mailed him later that day to say that I had to go back to the hospital and would be offline for the rest of the day.  I don't know what everyone thinks happened, but no one has asked.  My coworkers have respected my privacy.  Overall, I think it was a good decision to keep it to myself, although sometimes I wish they knew what I was going through so they wouldn't talk about babies in front of me.

futuremrsofficer

1. I'm sorry for your loss.

2. Emily is super adorable.

3. I would tell who I needed to tell in terms of time off, and maybe not being "with it" in the classroom. I have a co-teacher in my classroom and when I returned to work after everything I talked to her about it, so she could help me out. 

cala09

I told my boss that I needed to take a couple sick days for some outpatient surgery.  I didn't give him anymore detail than that.  I think he may have suspected a M/C since he quickly glanced down at my belly first thing when I returned to work but we never talked more about it.  I felt that if I got into more conversation with him about it, it would just make it harder for me to maintain my professional composure.  It really depends on your relationship with your coworkers and boss.  I tend to be a private person and just didn't want to make it harder on myself by drawing extra attention.  I feel that I made the right choice for me.  Good luck in your decision.

starrynyt

I think this is a difficult question and I struggled with it as well.  Ultimately, I decided to be honest.  I guess I felt that by being honest they could understand the gravity of the situation and give me the space and time that I needed.  The downside is obviously that it's so incredibly personal.