The "I can't"s

Lion&Hokie · January 2011

Anyone else going through this? I'm sure he picked up somewhere (because why would we use it at home? lol) - but now everything is "I can't". This makes the potty training struggle (already an issue w/him) worse - it's like putting a cat in water now. It extends to everything else - I can't get up, I can't do this, that, whatever...

Any tricks you all have I that I can try? There is only so much "sure you can!" that I can say.

AgrippaRidesAgain · January 2011

YES! No real advice, just sympathy.

DS suddenly "can't" do anything lately. I thought that maybe he was regressing due to DD, but now I'm not so sure. And yes, he "can't" pee on the potty either, because, you know, nothing came out in the two seconds he sat on it.

The Little Engine that Could works on occasion. I wish he'd let me read it to him every night. We read it, I refer to it the next day, and things go a little better. Then he doesn't care any more until the next time we read it.

umdbride · January 2011

so i have no kids (yet) but i confess that i was a big "i can't" kid...and i still remember what my parents would do, so maybe this will help. If ever I said "I can't" I had to rephrase and explain why I couldn't...so instead of "I can't go potty" for example, I'd have to be more specific and say "I don't feel like I have to go", or "nothing is coming out", or something that. I think it helped because then they could come back with something more helpful and that directly related to my reason for being unable to do something (like "just wait a little longer"). It also forced me to fess up when I was just saying I can't because I didn't want to (because I couldn't come up with a good reason I really couldn't) - that part annoyed me as a kid, but I guess it still worked for them!

JKM416 · January 2011

DD went through an "I can't!" stage, too (we also had major trouble potty training, but luckily it didn't seem to extend to that). Some days it seemed like every time I asked / told her to do something, I was met with an immediate "I can't" no matter what the request...it was her default response. I refused to get into the power struggle (or take the mom-as-cheerleader role) with her, so usually I would reply with, "That's fine...it's your choice. But if you don't _____, then you don't get to _____" (it helped if it was an immediate cause-and-effect...like "If you don't wash your hands like I asked, you can't have lunch.") Putting the ball back in her court often convinced her to comply. Of course, sometimes it didn't. And then when she wanted to read that book at bedtime or go on a walk or whatever, I would remind her why she couldn't. A fit would sometimes follow, but I didn't give her any reaction...just told her that she had made the decision and next time should make a different one. Finally, along with probably just outgrowing the stage somewhat, it clicked with her that the "I can't" game rarely resulted in her desired results and it wasn't worth it to her to play anymore.