Devistated

ThreeMoore

I made really good friends with a family in the NICU, their son was born almost a month after my daughter at 29wks 6 days. My dd was a 28weeker and being a month ahead of him we were able to share insight about what they would be going through. We formed an amazing friendship and their son was doing so well! We left the NICU on January 1st but he is still there. Last week he went to nippling and then to x4 per day! All of a sudden he caught a cold and they couldn't figure out how to help him. He had to be placed on the vent two days later and within 36 hours he left to be with god. Now I know his parents are in so much pain, but I can't stop crying for them. I don't know what to do, there is nothing I can do to help them- they must grieve on their own- but I just feel so guilty. Here my daughter is, doing so well and their little man just left so suddenly. I hate it, I'm so angry with how everything happened! and I don't want to be a constant reminder of that pain for them. I also don't want to be bummed out since I have three of my own babies to care for.

 Is it normal to be so sad? Will this guilt pass?

ybooty

I am truly sorry you had to experience this.  I can't imagine how they must feel.  And he was so close to going home!  I would be totally sad too.  There was a baby who was in the same pod as my sons when they were born and just before we left she passed away.  I prayed every night they she would get to come home but things turned out so bad.  The NICU is the most horrible place for babies because they are innocent and dont deserve any of it.  When things like that happen I hold my babies tighter and thank God for everyday that they are with me. 

ladybugbella24

Yes it's normal to be sad! When we were in the NICU 5 babies passed away. While it was heartbreaking to see the families go through such pain, I felt so guilty for having my baby in my arms. I can remember kissing her, and being so thankful she was alive. A family we became very close with decided to end treatment on their little boy. I cried for 5 days straight, we were close to discharge at the time which seemed to make it worst. All I kept thinking was "why him?! Why can't he go home?" But it helped talking with his parents, and knowing he was no longer in pain. Like the pp, focus in your baby and don't be afraid to approach the family. Love them and let them know their baby IS special.

njdcgirl

Yes, of course it is normal to be sad.  I'm sorry to hear about your friends son.  It is so, so difficult to see people lose their children, and it is even worse in the NICU, because you form such close relationships.  I'm sure many can relate; I personally have know several families who lost their babies after a long NICU stay.  It's just not fair, and so, so sad.