Children with significant age gap

mrsflowers07

Hello Ladies,

My husband and I have a seven year old son and we are ready to have more children (two more) starting at the end of this year. I am just really worried about how this will affect our seven year old. Are there any other moms with children with such a significant age gap and how do you deal?

 

Thank you :-)

mama.bear

It think it's always an adjustment regardless of age. Our kids of course have jealousy issues but, they also have wonderful interactions with one another.

Best of luck on your journey!

 

bluestreet

My sister and I are 6 years apart, and as adults we are bffs. The same is true of my friend and her sister, who is 8 years older.

It's popular these days to have kids close together, but there are a lot of advantages to spacing farther apart-- having help, not having to change multiple diapers, less fighting (your older child is not going to be fighting for the same toys), etc. 

One thing that really seemed to help my older daughter when we had our second baby (who was 4 years younger) was to refer to the baby as "our baby"-- as in hers too. It made her feel included and special. 

GL!

ValAndRyan

StarAnnice:

My boys are almost 6/12 years apart.  DS1 has no jealousy issues at all.  They adore each other.  DS1 likes to teach things to DS2 and is his protector (he chose this role).  I love the age gap. 

Ditto this except mine are 11 years a part. My kids adore each other. I think no matter what age gap though, you will have your own set of issues. For instance, I may not be chasing a 2 year old with a newborn but my oldest is having some issues in school we are trying to deal with so it's a different situation. Some days are still tough. We do plan on having another one next year though so I'll get to experience the two different age gaps. 

neverblushed

My kids are almost exactly 4 years apart.  My advice: no matter what the age spread is between your kids, there will be advantages and disadvantages.  Stay focused on the positives, treat all your kids as individuals, and don't worry about the downsides of your particular family dynamic.

shouldbworkin

not a mom with a large age gap, but a sibling.  My younger sister is almost 7 years younger than me and 10 year younger than my older sister.  To me, a lot of how well it goes has to do with the parents.  The good thing about older kids is that they get attention just based on their age and activities.  Like younger kids who become siblings, you want to make sure that you keep their routine the same.  It wouldn't be a good time to pull your DC out of the sport he loves b/c you can't handle taking a baby to soccer practice.  But, also try not to forget that he needs some one on one time too, and not just when you go grocery shopping.  He'll see you cuddling and kissing the baby and, while he may not want you to do it too much, I'm sure he'd still love some cuddles on the couch while you watch his favorite show or read a book together.  I know my parents made the mistake of thinking I didn't need that sort of attention anymore once my baby sister came along and that doing homework and taking me to swim class was enough, but they're different kinds of attention that every kids needs. 

Regardless of how it worked out while we were kids, I have to say that the 3 of us are great friends now.  We are there for each other no matter what and I don't think a parent could ask for much more in a relationship between their kids. 

ValAndRyan

shouldbworkin:

not a mom with a large age gap, but a sibling.  My younger sister is almost 7 years younger than me and 10 year younger than my older sister.  To me, a lot of how well it goes has to do with the parents.  The good thing about older kids is that they get attention just based on their age and activities.  Like younger kids who become siblings, you want to make sure that you keep their routine the same.  It wouldn't be a good time to pull your DC out of the sport he loves b/c you can't handle taking a baby to soccer practice.  But, also try not to forget that he needs some one on one time too, and not just when you go grocery shopping.  He'll see you cuddling and kissing the baby and, while he may not want you to do it too much, I'm sure he'd still love some cuddles on the couch while you watch his favorite show or read a book together.  I know my parents made the mistake of thinking I didn't need that sort of attention anymore once my baby sister came along and that doing homework and taking me to swim class was enough, but they're different kinds of attention that every kids needs. 

Regardless of how it worked out while we were kids, I have to say that the 3 of us are great friends now.  We are there for each other no matter what and I don't think a parent could ask for much more in a relationship between their kids. 

Ditto this 100%. The only thing my child had to get used to was the times I was able to take and pick him up at a friend's house - like I couldn't get him at 10 at night anymore (DH lives in another state so it is just me). DS still plays all his sports, we read together (with the baby), I take him out to dinner just him and I every couple of weeks and so forth. 

mickey1330

StarAnnice:

My boys are almost 6/12 years apart.  DS1 has no jealousy issues at all.  They adore each other.  DS1 likes to teach things to DS2 and is his protector (he chose this role).  I love the age gap. 

 

All of this exactly, even down to the months! (ok, well march and february are close enough)

blueshirt2003

neverblushed:

My kids are almost exactly 4 years apart.  My advice: no matter what the age spread is between your kids, there will be advantages and disadvantages.  Stay focused on the positives, treat all your kids as individuals, and don't worry about the downsides of your particular family dynamic.

This is good advice. My boys are just over 4 years apart and for us that has worked out great. 

2mom74

I have a 10 yr old and a 3 1/2 month old.  The older boy is very helpful and wants to be involved.  There is a little bit of jealousy, but we ensure he gets alone time with one of us or both to do things he wants to do.  I think it's a little easier because with a 10 yr age difference, they have completely different needs.  He loves being a big brother.

JennyC1982

My daughters are 9yrs and 11months. The oldest one is such a help she changes, feeds, plays with , & watches her sister. She just wants to be involved. They adore each other. And the little one is like her mini me and follows her around. Jewels( oldest) was jealous at first but of us. She didn't like how we were the ones that got to do everything for the baby (Izzie). She does get a little jealous now cause she wants to spend more one on one time with us. She also gets a little rattled when Izzie is crying and we can't figure out what's wrong. It's also a little annoying when she trying to do her homework because Izzie will not leave her alone. They're are gonna be issues just like with any siblings. But I wouldn't change a thing. When you see the love in their eyes when that look at each other  it's soo worth it.

mrsflowers07

Thank you ladies so much!

I felt so alone in this. Gettting to see that there is going to be ups and downs but over all it'll be ok has really been helpful...

Thanks again :-)

katieisawesome

If I ever have any more kids, they will be much younger than my daughter (she is almost 7 and I have no immediate plans to get remarried or have another baby).

My youngest sister is 10 years younger than me and we get along great